Hrmmm... ever since that talent show, I've been practicin' my fingers off... I'd write this out, but my fingers are sore. So you have to deal with my voice. I know it ain't refined and crap, but anyway.

[He clears his throat.]

That show... it was... a lot of fun. So, I wanted to thank everyone who saw us. And everyone who performed... a competition is only as good as your opponents, and a lot of you kicked my hide. I've got a lot to work in order to catch up to you guys. And it made me think about how grateful I ought to be to a lot of you guys. Not just Ma and the crew, but if you think about it... there's a lot of good people out here! And we should appreciate it!

[Aaand he's tearing up. Because of course he is.]

We coulda gotten stuck with robbers and murderers and all kinds of evil people, but instead, a lot of us are gettin' along and helpin' each other out! I know there's a lot to complain about this place, but there's just as much to be grateful for! So all I wanted to say, to everyone of you.... th... thank you! Thank you very much!

[there is silence a moment, just the sound of the sea to let you know the journal is open and then:]

I've decided I don't care about dating or that kind of stuff anymore.

[sent mostly to Ace and Smoker but he doesn't know how to private it or even if that's a thing really. Anyway it seemed a lot of people hadn't wanted him to think about that kind of thing in the first place so he should let them know]

I wanna be Pirate King and have all the friends I want and all the meat I want.

[and the rest of it... it didn't matter. Nothing could be better than nakama anyway. That done, he closes the journal and goes to find Smoker. He wants to spend more time with him before the race is over]

Right, so, I've been kidnapped by Straw Hat to his ship for the duration of the race, or until I get my key to my cuffs back. Whichever comes first. [You may all now laugh at him.]

Just so you know.

And I'll probably keep training Keimi even after I return.

And since it seems Davy Jones brought a bunch more new people in... hello. My name is Smoker, yeah that's my real damn name. I'm not an expert at sailing or fighting, but I've gotten damn good at learning how to handle sailing these seas, without resorting to piracy, if by some god damn miracle, some of you are actually principled enough, so yeah. Feel free to ask or whatever.

I guess that's it.

[He's a talkative guy this one.]

[there is absolutely no warning before a high-pitched, distressed, loud voice emerges from the journal.]

WHO. DID. THIS.

[well, she figured out the voice function... there is an aggressive sigh, then a groan that is dragged out as long as her lungs and throat permit.]

This is NOT Fiji! This is not Monaco, or Bermuda, or Dubai, or even TOKYO! I know well enough that WHATEVER THIS IS ISN'T HOME OR A VACATION SPOT AND WHOEVER BROUGHT ME HERE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION WILL BE SENT ON A HOUSHAKUJI SHIP TO ANTARCTICA AND LEFT TO DEFEND THEMSELVES FROM THE SUN ENTERING THROUGH THE ENORMOUS HOLE IN THE OZONE LAYER AND RABID PENGUINS!!!!!!

[there's another groan, and you can practically hear her pulling out her hair. yelling isn't going to help her-- screaming into a book isn't the same as tearing into a real person.]

Though, whoever helps me get home will be handsomely rewarded with as much money as they can carry to wherever they want. And I'll be grateful too! Don't think that I'm some unappreciative wretch. The sooner I get back to my room in Japan, the sooner everyone will be happy. I don't like that I've been KIDNAPPED! It's all fine and well in fiction but HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME?!?! I'm ready to leave, no doubt about it! I saw a guy stab another guy. The first guy peed on him, so I mean it was a little deserved but I SHOULDN'T SEE ANYONE GET STABBED OR PEED ON OR SPIT LIKE FIFTEEN FEET!!! DOES NO ONE HERE KNOW MANNERS?!?!?!

[there's a soft sob, followed by squelch (possibly underfoot), then a shriek and rapid-fire swearing in japanese.]

Oh. My god. I do not know what I stepped in, but it was something AWFUL!!!! MY SHOE IS RUINED... This is terrible! Is this the commoner life? I can't handle this. Who has a private jet I can borrow? It's Renge Houshakuji. My family will pay yours back double, I promise!

[Keimi stands on the deck of the ship, a small tanto in her hand. In front of her is a mannequin, reinforced with leather. She grips it tight, bringing the blade above her head and, eyes shut tight, she swings it downward.

And misses by a mile.

She falls, but catches herself on the mannequin. With the assistance of a bubble, she is back on her tail. This time, she won't miss. The same stance, the same shut eyes, and with another swing, she sticks the blade into the mannequin's shoulder.

And when her eyes open to see what she has done, she gasps, releasing the blade's hilt and falling onto her rear in terror.]

----

[Later in the day, after she's cleaned up her mess, she takes to her journal.]

What... kind of weapon do you use... if you don't really want to hurt someone?

This is Kuzan. Better known as Aokiji to pirates in our world, because like most logia users, he has a signature fighting style that is based on his attacks.

Don't let the almost awesome afro hair fool you, however, he's as torpid as they come.

You see this fearsome would-be marine has a ten-speed bike he rides around over the ocean like the worst kind of MC loser there ever was. That's right. A ten speed bike. What the hell does it use ten speeds for? The only one he ever uses is a slow cruise that is like watching ice cubes thaw! It's not even a motorcycle! That's how useless it is.

He's got the gloves and boots like a real rider, but on a bicycle, he might as well just have the gear to deal with the cold.

So uncool.

He does make a mean ice cream though. So you know, if you're anywhere near the Friend Ship or Justice Penguin, get some. Unless you're a pirate. Then you're even more of a loser than him.

[Yup. That's it. This is a public service message brought to you by: Smoker, the worst friend ever. Carry on.]

I suppose distancing myself from this journal hasn't warranted any good; though, I cannot say it has left me surprised. I also cannot say that I would remain entirely unobservant and inactive! For the sake of all innocent parties, I would like to make an offer--because a pirate's grudge can be terrible and terrifying as well.

As an upholder of the law on the seas I originate from, it was my sworn duty to defend the innocent--rather, I still believe in such a vow even if my status here has been demoted due to a lack of a proper Navy. As such, I volunteer my services to defend those who do not wish to fight as much as within my power.

So--I allow you to please contact me through private messages to describe to me criminals, their crimes and any offenses in which you or your allies may be put into danger. Admittedly, I'll put such things under immense scrutiny as these offers have been blatantly disrespected and mocked in the past, but dismissing all opportunities as lunacy when a few may be a success is cynical and impractical!

My name is Coby and I'm a Captain of the Marines! I will not call my allies to support unless they willingly volunteer, but in good conscience, I cannot allow transgressions to maintain their steady course into chaos! Now--

Everyone, have a pleasant day and stay safe!

[sitting on the inn roof at Empieza and he's decided himself a thing]

I wanna kiss as many people as I can. [doom!] But it's hard to figure out the rules! So if you wanna kiss someone then we should definitely meet up!

[and it's the perfect solution. Because if someone wants to kiss someone as much as he wants to kiss someone then they can just kiss and it's simple]

A reminder to all pirates, this world's navy is not identical to our world's or other's, and shouldn't be assumed to be as such.

That said, it seems like it would be useful to pool all resources on what people do know about this world's navy.

Maybe you can all start with what you did to piss them off other than exist, because apparently the lot of you fuckers got some pretty high wanted posters and bounties.

Has anyone else found one of those cute chicks?

[Chirping could be heard in the background. Guess who has one himself?]

I found mine yesterday and he's adorable. [He goes quiet for a moment as the sound of chirping gets closer.]

I'm trying to look for another egg myself but someone on board keeps finding them so I don't get a chance. [And he knows who that is.] So if anyone has one that they might not want can they be ever so kind and give them to Lady Elizabeth for me. She likes Easter very much and I think it will make her happy.

[He can recall the last Easter they celebrated when they were all wearing bunny ears. That reminds him...] Oh! Does anyone know if any of them explode? If some do, I wouldn't suggest giving those to anyone.

First Scurvey Dog says that Candy Mountain might exist, and when I FINALLY find it, she acts all...GRUMPY! She didn't believe me at first, and when Mister Kyouya and Zoro tell her the same thing, she just shuts her book!

[If anypony couldn't tell, Pinkie sounds pretty miffed!]

What flea bit her rump?!

I'm still sending her candy I found there, though! [To shove some truth into her mouth!!]

Anyway, you all should go there! It's really sweet!

[...then she laughs at her own joke.] GET IT?!

[A couple of marks, clearly used for counting, appear in the corner of one of the journal's pages. A few hours later, more are added. Then later in the afternoon, yet more are added to the tally, along with a bit of audio, though whether intended or not may be an item of debate.]

Three more, that makes ten so far. Seems the Dog was correct, they've become bolder.

[A soft scuffling sound, like one moving to get a better view of something in the distance.]

And more on their heels! [Two more tally marks appear next to the others.] There must be a base nearby...

[And more directly toward the book.]

Perhaps working together, we can triangulate their ports. Others who've seen Navy ships, what is your location, how many were there, and which direction were they sailing? If there are other crews near your area, feel free to discuss your findings with them here as well. As for my crew, we are a few days North of Isla Empieza. The ships seem to be bypassing the island itself, but they are certainly patrolling the surrounding seas. A fair wind and safe sailing to you all.

[The audio is cut.]

This holiday is dumb and I hate it. I don't wanna do it again.

[all he'd been doing was trying to have fun with the candies but everyone was mad and weird because some dumb ones did dumb things. He still didn't get why it mattered and everything was frustrating so mostly he's just venting his frustration out into the void]

I want the ghost ships to come back instead.

[that had been kinda bad and he'd been a vampire but as long as he didn't bite anyone, it was fine.]

[Over the journals a deep raspy voice quiet sings. Yeah that's not going to sound normal to anyone, whether they know Smoker or not.]

♫The ocean sees the beginning of the world,
And the ocean knows the end of the world.
Thus, it calls us towards the way we must take.
Thus, it leads us towards a just world.
Enveloping pain and suffering,
greatly and kindly wrapping them up.

The ocean sees the beginning of the world,
And the ocean knows the end of the world.
Even if I were to disappear,
The omniscent ocean leads the way.

[That's because it sounds like a dirge. It is a dirge, in fact. Smoker is kind of surprised he's alive now.]

[And not especially thrilled at the circumstances of it. Not that he expected anyone to hear him singing about it. He's sure as hell not waiting for nakama to save him though. That's something pirates do. And if Aokiji rescues him again.... Well... he won't. And that is why Smoker is singing the marine song Kuzan hates. So there. And now he'll try to make a post, but with the way he can't tell how well the gloves are gripping the journal or barrel, who the fuck knows.]

I'm stuck on a barrel. In the middle of nowhere. Now what?

[Now what indeed?] I have no idea where this is, but I wish this barrel had rum instead.

And how has your day been, pirates?

[ooc: Please reserve action for Straw Hats or message me first!]

[When Alice's voice comes, it is very... quiet. Distant. She doesn't actually sound like she's speaking to anyone in particular, at least at first.]

They're not safe here...

This world is going to make them suffer more and more...

...I need to protect them...

But how do I do that, when I can't stop those things that would hurt them...

[It sounds like just idle musing at this point, as if she's trying to contemplate a real answer to this.]

One way or another, I cannot allow that... No matter what anyone says, I know it will come again...

They won't suffer again. I... there are ways I can make sure of that, I am certain... I know I can stop it, some way...

So...

That scream.

It came from the east.

Whatever it is, it's probably going to be a hell of a headache.

[Pause, and some probably have an idea of what's coming.]

Anyone thinking about going to poke it with a stick?

I mean, it'd be a pain in the ass to do it, but I'd rather not get caught by surprise, either.

All Shepherds, meet on deck for tea time and discussions.

Keimi check in as soon as you can.

And yes, we're getting low on coffee, and cigars. I'll survive, [No, he won't.] but I still refuse to switch to tea.

For all you pirates out there, what did you lot do before you came here? Occupations, careers, whatever. I need to know what freedom you're fighting for, let's just say.

Okay! Let's go kick the navy's ass!

[they're going to kind of have to. If more people show up this month like they always do they're going to get surrounded and miss their chance to go on an adventure or anything.]

[And there is the rarest thing of all: a grumpy marine actually speaking to the pirates and people with journals at large.]

Is anyone else suffering side effects from the zombie thing that didn't go away on the first?

Blurghghgh [And that is a sound of someone who is definitely not Smoker, chewing on his head.] Smoker please kill me, I'm sorry... Argharghargh. Risen can't be allowed to live...

Maribelle, no. Stop that. [SIGH.] It's not even like she's trying to eat my brain, I think she just like the taste of my hair.

It's grey and smokey and... hairy... Graaaargharghargh. Smoker... I hate myself.

Maybe you just need to sleep.

Can't sleep... brains will eat me.

Go to bed.

[But instead, the journal gets slobbered sound effects. Yup. Maribelle is chewing on it. Best captain.]