[Voice/Action for crew]

[heartismyown]

[It begins with a crash, the flutter of pages as the book clatters open on the floor. The unmistakable thud of something hard hitting wood, and the crack as it splinters in the keyblade's wake. The noise repeats itself again and again.]

No. No no no.

[He's infuriated because anger is the most comforting emotion he has, the one he is most familiar with. His voice cracks a little though as he makes a mess of his room. The sounds of his anger begin to slow, and it ends in one simple thud as he hits the ground, breathless. His voice comes through hoarse and worn out, full of sorrow.]

Lea's gone.

[The words spoken barely above a whisper.]

Comments

[action]

[youhearthebells]

[he doesn't see the journal, he only hears the commotion below-decks and comes running to see if they've been invaded or something]

Roxas! What the hell, what's going on?

[action]

[heartismyown]

[No invasion, the cause is Roxas. He has both keyblades in hand and he is taking out his frustrations and pain on the wall of what was his an Lea's room. The wood splinters under Oathkeeper's blow.

He doesn't see Gan Ning come in, or hear him really.]

[action]

[youhearthebells]

Roxas! ROXAS!

[what the hell man why are you attacking the wall? Gan Ning bellows his loudest, which is pretty damn loud]

: [action]

[heartismyown]

What?!

[He snaps, spinning around quickly, keyblades coming with him. His expression is a cross between anger and sorrow. If his reflexes are dull, he may find himself inadvertently struck.]

[youhearthebells]

[he's just standing with hands on hips, not near his weapon. But looking pretty put out, for all that.]

What's goin' on in here? The hell are you doin', you're gonna put a hole in the hull!

[heartismyown]

I...

[Words are not his friend, not when he's like this. He digs Oblivion into the floor instead with a frustrated cry.]

[youhearthebells]

[the downward motion draws Gan Ning's eyes to the open journal. There's no message written, but it gives him a thought to check his own.

...aha.]

...oh shit. No...

[heartismyown]

[He collapses to the ground boneless, because as always, anger is getting him nowhere.]

Gone.

[The keyblades vanish, he drops his head in his hands.]

I'm not ready!

[voice]

[om_nom_namur]

[It's nearly a full week after this gets posted that a response comes in.]

Y' okay, smolt? How long ago'd y' post this?

[voice]

[heartismyown]

[Roxas will respond anyway since he isn't up to much else at the moment.]

A few days.

[Namur at least missed being subjected to Roxas' rage. Instead he sounds a little despondent.]

I'm not really okay, but I can't change things.

[voice]

[om_nom_namur]

[Aside.] Aw damn. 'S what I get for tryin' t' ditch this thing for a couple weeks.

[Louder.]

Well. Can't change what happened, no, but y' can change how y' face it if y' don't like the way yer goin'. Ain't nothin' physically hurt, right? 'S all inside?

[voice]

[heartismyown]

It's all inside, yeah. It hurts so much. The captain said I was mourning. I don't really get that but...

[He sighs a little.]

I just don't know what to do.

[voice]

[om_nom_namur]

Sounds 'bout right. 'S normal, did he tell y' that too? Even the not knowin' what t' do part. Shit, 's why I went off on my own for a bit. Lost Ace, then Haruta an' Logan an' a whole buncha other crew. All gone home. Had t' go figure myself out cuz I was gettin' tumbled 'round in the current an' I needed t' figure out if I was goin' up or down, y' know? Yer gonna be okay though.

[voice]

[heartismyown]

I don't remember if he said that, but it is?

[That is actually reassuring.]

I wasn't ready for this though. I didn't...I wasn't ready to say goodbye to him. If I never see him again, this is it. That hurts so much. Going home isn't a guarantee I'll ever see him. If he never finds me...

[voice]

[om_nom_namur]

Yep. Totally normal. Hear y' on the not bein' ready for it front, too. If Ace don't wind up comin' back here, I know I ain't ever gonna see him 'gain. 'S jus'. Whaleshit. Ain't a hell of a lot t' do once y' find yerself stuck in it but try t' swim through an' get it clear a yer gills fast as y' can. Some whales is bigger'n others though so if yer stream a whaleshit takes longer t' wade through that don't mean there's anythin' wrong either, catch me?

[voice]

[heartismyown]

...Actually, yeah. I'm following you. Totally normal and if it takes time, that's okay. He said that too, I could take as long as I wanted. I just don't know how long that would be. I feel like my chest hurts. That feeling I get sometimes.

Lea always knows what to do. We didn't....we didn't expect this. He said we got this though. Everything. He remembers his promise. That has to be enough, right?

[He's rambling, but he doesn't care, he needs it.]

[Voice]

[fierybluebird]

[There aren't words for that kind of thing.]

[Haruta, Ace, another name, another face, another drop in a bucket. Marco wouldn't miss Lea, but he could still feel the pain of it for Roxas.]

[No words, but Marco slowly begins a soft phoenix song.]

[It's a warrior's song, because Marco can't think of Ace and Lea as anything else, and the purpose is to remind Roxas he's not alone.]

[Warriors beyond the skies, over the mountains and hills...]

[They wouldn't be alone either.]

[Wherever in time and space they were.]

[Marco hopes anyway.]

[Voice]

[heartismyown]

[Words have been a little hard for him as of late, and so has been deciphering his emotions.

The song is nice, but it makes him cry softly. Roxas lets out a little whine when it ends. He knows he isn't alone but he is grieving.]

Marco.

[Voice]

[fierybluebird]

I'm sorry, Kiddo.

[Marco all but broke every time Thatch was gone or separated.] Come here, eh? I'll show you what Robin and I are thinking for trying to get control over time and dimension, eh?

[Voice/Action]

[heartismyown]

I can't. As soon as I can.

[He sounds tired and worn out, but the truth is, he just can't get up right now. He feels too tired to move. Namur gets him moving briefly, but it's the kraken that gets him out of his room for a significant period of time. Once his crew and everyone is safe, which he's sure Marco won't fault him for, he's just going to show up unannounced.

Notably he's wearing a red and orange winter scarf, and still carrying his cat doll around. Once he arrives where he needs to, he sits down right next to the Nav, adrenaline kicking back out of him.]

[Voice] 1/2

[fierybluebird]

Take your time kiddo, it can wait.

[No, really, Marco does get it. He lost Thatch to death. Even though Roxas always assumed he'd go first, Marco knows the listlessness of living past the rest more than most.]

[Action] 2/2

[fierybluebird]

[Roxas is there before Marco expects, but he simply scoops the kid up in his arms like a father, sets him on his shoulders, and carries him about the ship like that as he goes about random tasks. It helps Marco to keep busy. And anyway, without Zeff, someone has to do these things, and while Marco won't deprive Selphie of her chosen chores, he wants it to be light enough that she doesn't have to worry too much either.]

[Most people can't sing when upset, but it seems almost like the only time Marco does.]

[It's nothing to do with sad things, or even anything about loss at all. Instead, it's a total distraction, because it's about mermaids and fishman, because for Marco that already is about as happy and sad as it can get at the same time.]


[Singing:]

When I was a lad in a fishing town
Me old man said to me,
You can spend your life, your jolly life,
Just sailing on the sea.

You can search the world for pretty girls,
'Till your eyes are weak and dim,
But don't go searching for a mermaid, son,
If you don't know how to swim.

'Cause her hair was green as seaweed,
Her skin was blue and pale,
Her face it was a work of art,
I loved that girl, with all my heart
But I only liked, the upper part
I did not like the tail.

I signed onto a sailing ship,
My very first day at sea,
I seen a mermaid in the waves,
Reaching out to me.

"Come live with me, in the sea,"
Said she, "Down on the ocean floor,
I'll show you a million wonderous things
You've never seen before."

So over I jumped, and she pulled me down,
Down to her seaweed bed.
With a pillow made of a tortoise shell,
She placed beneath my head.

She fed me shrimp and caviar,
On a silver dish,
From her head to her waist,
She was just my taste
But the rest of her? Was a fish.

'Cause her hair was green as seaweed,
Her skin was blue and pale,
Her face, it was a work of art,
I loved that girl with all my heart,
But I only liked the upper part
I did not like the tail.

But then one day she swam away,
So I sang to the clams and the whales,
Oh how I missed her seaweed hair,
And the silver shine of her scales.

But then her sister, she swam by,
Set my heart awhirl....
Cause her upper part?
Was an ugly fish. [ALL THE DRAMATICS!]
But her bottom part?
WAS A GIRL!

'Cause her hair was green as seaweed
Her skin was blue and pale,
Her legs they are a work of art,
And I don't give a damn about the upper part,
'Cuz that's how I get my tail!

[Action]

[heartismyown]

[At that moment, Roxas appreciates that he isn't being questioned. He's tired and he just isn't sure what to say. He listens to Marco sing, and leans against his head, arms around his neck loosely. The chores seem pretty mundane, the kind of stuff Roxas does when he's around his ship. He's glad enough to sit quietly on his shoulders for just awhile.

Finally he rests his forehead on the top of Marco's head, breathing out the words with barely any volume.]

Marco.

[He exhales, hesitating.]

I know I'm being stupid.

[Action]

[fierybluebird]

[Marco just reaches up and gently ruffles Roxas' hair.]

It's not stupid to love, kid. It's painful though. Living is pain. That's why most people would trade in their hearts I think. But it means they're not strong enough to endure it.

[Action]

[heartismyown]

[He snorts softly.]

Don't have a heart and it still hurts. Cynthia said it's just the way things are. People come and go and I shouldn't think about it.