piratejournal | [Voice/Action for crew]

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[It begins with a crash, the flutter of pages as the book clatters open on the floor. The unmistakable thud of something hard hitting wood, and the crack as it splinters in the keyblade's wake. The noise repeats itself again and again.]

No. No no no.

[He's infuriated because anger is the most comforting emotion he has, the one he is most familiar with. His voice cracks a little though as he makes a mess of his room. The sounds of his anger begin to slow, and it ends in one simple thud as he hits the ground, breathless. His voice comes through hoarse and worn out, full of sorrow.]

Lea's gone.

[The words spoken barely above a whisper.]

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[Words have been a little hard for him as of late, and so has been deciphering his emotions.

The song is nice, but it makes him cry softly. Roxas lets out a little whine when it ends. He knows he isn't alone but he is grieving.]

Marco.

I'm sorry, Kiddo.

[Marco all but broke every time Thatch was gone or separated.] Come here, eh? I'll show you what Robin and I are thinking for trying to get control over time and dimension, eh?

I can't. As soon as I can.

[He sounds tired and worn out, but the truth is, he just can't get up right now. He feels too tired to move. Namur gets him moving briefly, but it's the kraken that gets him out of his room for a significant period of time. Once his crew and everyone is safe, which he's sure Marco won't fault him for, he's just going to show up unannounced.

Notably he's wearing a red and orange winter scarf, and still carrying his cat doll around. Once he arrives where he needs to, he sits down right next to the Nav, adrenaline kicking back out of him.]

Take your time kiddo, it can wait.

[No, really, Marco does get it. He lost Thatch to death. Even though Roxas always assumed he'd go first, Marco knows the listlessness of living past the rest more than most.]

[Roxas is there before Marco expects, but he simply scoops the kid up in his arms like a father, sets him on his shoulders, and carries him about the ship like that as he goes about random tasks. It helps Marco to keep busy. And anyway, without Zeff, someone has to do these things, and while Marco won't deprive Selphie of her chosen chores, he wants it to be light enough that she doesn't have to worry too much either.]

[Most people can't sing when upset, but it seems almost like the only time Marco does.]

[It's nothing to do with sad things, or even anything about loss at all. Instead, it's a total distraction, because it's about mermaids and fishman, because for Marco that already is about as happy and sad as it can get at the same time.]

[Singing:]

When I was a lad in a fishing town
Me old man said to me,
You can spend your life, your jolly life,
Just sailing on the sea.

You can search the world for pretty girls,
'Till your eyes are weak and dim,
But don't go searching for a mermaid, son,
If you don't know how to swim.

'Cause her hair was green as seaweed,
Her skin was blue and pale,
Her face it was a work of art,
I loved that girl, with all my heart
But I only liked, the upper part
I did not like the tail.

I signed onto a sailing ship,
My very first day at sea,
I seen a mermaid in the waves,
Reaching out to me.

"Come live with me, in the sea,"
Said she, "Down on the ocean floor,
I'll show you a million wonderous things
You've never seen before."

So over I jumped, and she pulled me down,
Down to her seaweed bed.
With a pillow made of a tortoise shell,
She placed beneath my head.

She fed me shrimp and caviar,
On a silver dish,
From her head to her waist,
She was just my taste
But the rest of her? Was a fish.

'Cause her hair was green as seaweed,
Her skin was blue and pale,
Her face, it was a work of art,
I loved that girl with all my heart,
But I only liked the upper part
I did not like the tail.

But then one day she swam away,
So I sang to the clams and the whales,
Oh how I missed her seaweed hair,
And the silver shine of her scales.

But then her sister, she swam by,
Set my heart awhirl....
Cause her upper part?
Was an ugly fish. [ALL THE DRAMATICS!]
But her bottom part?
WAS A GIRL!

'Cause her hair was green as seaweed
Her skin was blue and pale,
Her legs they are a work of art,
And I don't give a damn about the upper part,
'Cuz that's how I get my tail!

[At that moment, Roxas appreciates that he isn't being questioned. He's tired and he just isn't sure what to say. He listens to Marco sing, and leans against his head, arms around his neck loosely. The chores seem pretty mundane, the kind of stuff Roxas does when he's around his ship. He's glad enough to sit quietly on his shoulders for just awhile.

Finally he rests his forehead on the top of Marco's head, breathing out the words with barely any volume.]

Marco.

[He exhales, hesitating.]

I know I'm being stupid.

[Marco just reaches up and gently ruffles Roxas' hair.]

It's not stupid to love, kid. It's painful though. Living is pain. That's why most people would trade in their hearts I think. But it means they're not strong enough to endure it.

[He snorts softly.]

Don't have a heart and it still hurts. Cynthia said it's just the way things are. People come and go and I shouldn't think about it.

Nah, you do. You must, because it hurts. See?

[Ruffles Roxas hair some more.] Trying not to think about it will only mean you'll think about it more.

But I'm going to break it. I don't want it to be the way things are, so I'll change it.

Want to help me with that?

It hurts in my chest but there's still nothing there.

[He nods though, that's true.]

I can't stop thinking about it anyway. I have forever to just think about it.

[He pauses, his brain is a little muddled and he's not following.]

Change what?

Nay. It has to be there. Maybe it's growing. [RUFFLE RUFFLE.]

I'm going to change the way things are. The course of what people call destiny and fate.

You know that's the kind of thing Blackbeard believes in? That it's all his destiny. So I'm going to change it.

Maybe. But like I said to Cynthia even a long time ago when I thought Axel was dead my chest hurt then too. I didn't feel good about that. This feels a lot worse though...and she said he's not dead, I shouldn't be sad.

[She doesn't get it though, he's sure of that.]

I think, from what I know, people can do that. They can change their fates...because people have a long time to do things right?

[Hums softly.] It's not about time, it's about being stubborn. You probably changed your fate a dozen times. Ace was always twisting his into knots that even made me dizzy, eh?

But aye, people can choose what they want. But you have to not let others control you. Blackbeard wants to control others, so I have to stop him.

And if this world is going to do things I don't like, then I'll stop that too.

My fate? I didn't.

[He shakes his head.]

It didn't change. But people do that I think. Time is important though, it takes time to do stuff and I don't have that. I got a little extra time but...it can go away anytime. Now that Lea went home...might be time for things to move forward in my world right? And that can't happen without me.

You think being here was part of your fate? Or that time can do anything without people around to notice it, to use it?

[He's quiet as he considers that.]

I think it has to be. I didn't do anything to make it happen, it just is. I don't understand why, but that doesn't mean much, and I don't know anything about time. I can't always keep track of it. My time is all scrambled in my head.

[Grins.]

That's just proving my theories, kid.

It means someone's messing with it. And where there's someone doing mischief, I want in.

I don't know about that, it happened at home too. Lea thinks it's Sora but he's not here anymore so I don't know if you can mess around my brain like that.

You're thinking too specifically. [Lightly knuckles Roxas' head.] I'm not going to mess with your head. I would get lost trying. I'm going to fuck up time and break the way things are.

[He nuzzles Marco's hair, squeezing him a little.]

If you do that, can you bring Lea back? I don't want to be without him. It hurts too much.

I'm gonna try my damnedest. I don't know if I can, because it's not just my will, his will is important too, and he never liked that this was my plan all along, eh? That was why he split from the Spades. Because I told him, some of the consequences might be extreme, and I'm willing to face them anyway, but he wasn't.

But I'll try to enable his choice. Understood?

[He shivers a little and quiets at that. That's true, Lea didn't like Marco and he didn't like Marco's plan, for whatever reason. The plan is above his head but he probably doesn't need to understand it. But Lea can only come if he wants to. What if he doesn't want to? Would he really not like Marco so much that he'd leave Roxas behind? He actually isn't sure about that, promises or not.]

[Marco feels that, and quietly picks Roxas up again, off his shoulders, and down to the deck to give him a hug.]

Listen, it's not because he wouldn't want to be with you, it's because he is trying to respect something else you chose. Got it? I don't understand it, because I wasn't there for it, but I know Riku told me some of the crazy stuff Lea did to get you back.

If he doesn't accept my offer, it's not because he doesn't love you enough to overwhelm all the rest, even his hate of me, it's just because he's trying to figure out if my crazy plan would hurt you, and maybe he'll think it'll be some betrayal of his promise to you, aye?

[Privately, Marco thinks Selphie was right though. That Lea was selfish and just didn't like that other people loved Roxas and he had to share him. That maybe it wasn't just Marco, but Marco was the easiest excuse, because no one in the Spades would cross Marco on something he was serious about. But whether that theory is true or not, Marco isn't about to ever let Roxas hear it so long as it would hurt the kid.

[Roxas slides his arms around Marco tentatively, leaning heavily into the hug. He's missed this contact with someone. He'd been so used to hanging off of Lea all the time, and now he's gone, he's back to being without that kind of touch. Roxas shakes his head though, because Marco isn't right.]

N-No. He'd have to come. He just has to.

Then I'm sure he will.

If it's that important to you, he'll get it. But I might kick him if he upsets you over it. Just so you're warned.

[Picks Roxas back up to go on the shoulders and pets his head.] It'd be my selfishness. Seeing someone hurt those I love, even accidentally or just a little, it takes all my self control not to smash everything, eh?

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