piratejournal | [Voice/Action for crew]

Entry tags:

[Voice/Action for crew]

[It begins with a crash, the flutter of pages as the book clatters open on the floor. The unmistakable thud of something hard hitting wood, and the crack as it splinters in the keyblade's wake. The noise repeats itself again and again.]

No. No no no.

[He's infuriated because anger is the most comforting emotion he has, the one he is most familiar with. His voice cracks a little though as he makes a mess of his room. The sounds of his anger begin to slow, and it ends in one simple thud as he hits the ground, breathless. His voice comes through hoarse and worn out, full of sorrow.]

Lea's gone.

[The words spoken barely above a whisper.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Nah, you do. You must, because it hurts. See?

[Ruffles Roxas hair some more.] Trying not to think about it will only mean you'll think about it more.

But I'm going to break it. I don't want it to be the way things are, so I'll change it.

Want to help me with that?

It hurts in my chest but there's still nothing there.

[He nods though, that's true.]

I can't stop thinking about it anyway. I have forever to just think about it.

[He pauses, his brain is a little muddled and he's not following.]

Change what?

Nay. It has to be there. Maybe it's growing. [RUFFLE RUFFLE.]

I'm going to change the way things are. The course of what people call destiny and fate.

You know that's the kind of thing Blackbeard believes in? That it's all his destiny. So I'm going to change it.

Maybe. But like I said to Cynthia even a long time ago when I thought Axel was dead my chest hurt then too. I didn't feel good about that. This feels a lot worse though...and she said he's not dead, I shouldn't be sad.

[She doesn't get it though, he's sure of that.]

I think, from what I know, people can do that. They can change their fates...because people have a long time to do things right?

[Hums softly.] It's not about time, it's about being stubborn. You probably changed your fate a dozen times. Ace was always twisting his into knots that even made me dizzy, eh?

But aye, people can choose what they want. But you have to not let others control you. Blackbeard wants to control others, so I have to stop him.

And if this world is going to do things I don't like, then I'll stop that too.

My fate? I didn't.

[He shakes his head.]

It didn't change. But people do that I think. Time is important though, it takes time to do stuff and I don't have that. I got a little extra time but...it can go away anytime. Now that Lea went home...might be time for things to move forward in my world right? And that can't happen without me.

You think being here was part of your fate? Or that time can do anything without people around to notice it, to use it?

[He's quiet as he considers that.]

I think it has to be. I didn't do anything to make it happen, it just is. I don't understand why, but that doesn't mean much, and I don't know anything about time. I can't always keep track of it. My time is all scrambled in my head.

[Grins.]

That's just proving my theories, kid.

It means someone's messing with it. And where there's someone doing mischief, I want in.

I don't know about that, it happened at home too. Lea thinks it's Sora but he's not here anymore so I don't know if you can mess around my brain like that.

You're thinking too specifically. [Lightly knuckles Roxas' head.] I'm not going to mess with your head. I would get lost trying. I'm going to fuck up time and break the way things are.

[He nuzzles Marco's hair, squeezing him a little.]

If you do that, can you bring Lea back? I don't want to be without him. It hurts too much.

I'm gonna try my damnedest. I don't know if I can, because it's not just my will, his will is important too, and he never liked that this was my plan all along, eh? That was why he split from the Spades. Because I told him, some of the consequences might be extreme, and I'm willing to face them anyway, but he wasn't.

But I'll try to enable his choice. Understood?

[He shivers a little and quiets at that. That's true, Lea didn't like Marco and he didn't like Marco's plan, for whatever reason. The plan is above his head but he probably doesn't need to understand it. But Lea can only come if he wants to. What if he doesn't want to? Would he really not like Marco so much that he'd leave Roxas behind? He actually isn't sure about that, promises or not.]

[Marco feels that, and quietly picks Roxas up again, off his shoulders, and down to the deck to give him a hug.]

Listen, it's not because he wouldn't want to be with you, it's because he is trying to respect something else you chose. Got it? I don't understand it, because I wasn't there for it, but I know Riku told me some of the crazy stuff Lea did to get you back.

If he doesn't accept my offer, it's not because he doesn't love you enough to overwhelm all the rest, even his hate of me, it's just because he's trying to figure out if my crazy plan would hurt you, and maybe he'll think it'll be some betrayal of his promise to you, aye?

[Privately, Marco thinks Selphie was right though. That Lea was selfish and just didn't like that other people loved Roxas and he had to share him. That maybe it wasn't just Marco, but Marco was the easiest excuse, because no one in the Spades would cross Marco on something he was serious about. But whether that theory is true or not, Marco isn't about to ever let Roxas hear it so long as it would hurt the kid.

[Roxas slides his arms around Marco tentatively, leaning heavily into the hug. He's missed this contact with someone. He'd been so used to hanging off of Lea all the time, and now he's gone, he's back to being without that kind of touch. Roxas shakes his head though, because Marco isn't right.]

N-No. He'd have to come. He just has to.

Then I'm sure he will.

If it's that important to you, he'll get it. But I might kick him if he upsets you over it. Just so you're warned.

[Picks Roxas back up to go on the shoulders and pets his head.] It'd be my selfishness. Seeing someone hurt those I love, even accidentally or just a little, it takes all my self control not to smash everything, eh?

Yeah I know how that is. I'm not good at that. Self control. I smashed my room up pretty good.

[Lea has to choose Roxas because if he didn't, it would just crush him.]

I hope he will. I need him.

Heh good. Better to smash your room than faces. I'm more the smash faces kind of guy though.

I'm sure he will. Just tell him that with your big sad puppy eyes and if he says no, then he's not even Lea, just an impostor.

I would have. When the captain came in I would have attacked him before, but I'm trying not to do that. I don't know if he would have fought me or not. See when I'd get mad at Lea and I just wanted to fight with him, he'd stop and just stand there and I can't...

[It has to be fair. It's not worth it if his opponent doesn't fight back.]

I don't know, Lea can tell me no pretty easy.

Aye. Like me and Thatch, eh? [Sorry Roxas, but Marco is lighting up a cigarette. He even reflexively offers Roxas one, before remembering to switch it with candy sticks.]

But there's a difference. When it's something important they just have to get it.

Trust me kiddo, the only two people who can stop me from doing anything are Thatch and my Pops, and that's only because I let them. The only reason Thatch is still here is because I won't let him go, or he would.

[Roxas hasn't eaten in all that time and after a slight hesitation, he takes the candy and sucks on the end of it. It's so sweet and he finds it soothing. Something he's more accustomed to.]

I guess it's like that, but not always. I tell Lea no sometimes too. But that is important. He has to get it. It's...I can't just go somewhere without him. Not again. Not after everything.

I get it kiddo. [Ah sweet sweet smoke.]

[Phoenix pirates have a problem with liking ashes, toxins, and flames. Unsurprisingly.]

I'm that way with Thatch too. If I didn't think I could extend his time living, I'm not sure I could bother.

He was the bastard that also got me started smoking. [Takes out the cigarette to look at it before putting it back between his teeth.] Sometimes I almost hate him.

I never hated Lea but I can get really mad at him when he hides stuff from me. He doesn't do that anymore. I made him stop but...

[He exhales a little and chews on the candy stick.]

I miss him so much Marco. It's...I know it's hard to understand.

See Thatch still tries to hide everything he can from me. And he'll never stop.

[Ruffles Roxas' hair and sets about the galley making some healthy food. Mostly chowder, because that's his go-to.]

It's not that hard to understand, kiddo. You love him. It's natural to miss people you love, even if they're supposed to be better off somewhere else.

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]

[Action]