piratejournal | [Voice/Action for crew]

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[Voice/Action for crew]

[It begins with a crash, the flutter of pages as the book clatters open on the floor. The unmistakable thud of something hard hitting wood, and the crack as it splinters in the keyblade's wake. The noise repeats itself again and again.]

No. No no no.

[He's infuriated because anger is the most comforting emotion he has, the one he is most familiar with. His voice cracks a little though as he makes a mess of his room. The sounds of his anger begin to slow, and it ends in one simple thud as he hits the ground, breathless. His voice comes through hoarse and worn out, full of sorrow.]

Lea's gone.

[The words spoken barely above a whisper.]

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[He's quiet as he considers that.]

I think it has to be. I didn't do anything to make it happen, it just is. I don't understand why, but that doesn't mean much, and I don't know anything about time. I can't always keep track of it. My time is all scrambled in my head.

[Grins.]

That's just proving my theories, kid.

It means someone's messing with it. And where there's someone doing mischief, I want in.

I don't know about that, it happened at home too. Lea thinks it's Sora but he's not here anymore so I don't know if you can mess around my brain like that.

You're thinking too specifically. [Lightly knuckles Roxas' head.] I'm not going to mess with your head. I would get lost trying. I'm going to fuck up time and break the way things are.

[He nuzzles Marco's hair, squeezing him a little.]

If you do that, can you bring Lea back? I don't want to be without him. It hurts too much.

I'm gonna try my damnedest. I don't know if I can, because it's not just my will, his will is important too, and he never liked that this was my plan all along, eh? That was why he split from the Spades. Because I told him, some of the consequences might be extreme, and I'm willing to face them anyway, but he wasn't.

But I'll try to enable his choice. Understood?

[He shivers a little and quiets at that. That's true, Lea didn't like Marco and he didn't like Marco's plan, for whatever reason. The plan is above his head but he probably doesn't need to understand it. But Lea can only come if he wants to. What if he doesn't want to? Would he really not like Marco so much that he'd leave Roxas behind? He actually isn't sure about that, promises or not.]

[Marco feels that, and quietly picks Roxas up again, off his shoulders, and down to the deck to give him a hug.]

Listen, it's not because he wouldn't want to be with you, it's because he is trying to respect something else you chose. Got it? I don't understand it, because I wasn't there for it, but I know Riku told me some of the crazy stuff Lea did to get you back.

If he doesn't accept my offer, it's not because he doesn't love you enough to overwhelm all the rest, even his hate of me, it's just because he's trying to figure out if my crazy plan would hurt you, and maybe he'll think it'll be some betrayal of his promise to you, aye?

[Privately, Marco thinks Selphie was right though. That Lea was selfish and just didn't like that other people loved Roxas and he had to share him. That maybe it wasn't just Marco, but Marco was the easiest excuse, because no one in the Spades would cross Marco on something he was serious about. But whether that theory is true or not, Marco isn't about to ever let Roxas hear it so long as it would hurt the kid.

[Roxas slides his arms around Marco tentatively, leaning heavily into the hug. He's missed this contact with someone. He'd been so used to hanging off of Lea all the time, and now he's gone, he's back to being without that kind of touch. Roxas shakes his head though, because Marco isn't right.]

N-No. He'd have to come. He just has to.

Then I'm sure he will.

If it's that important to you, he'll get it. But I might kick him if he upsets you over it. Just so you're warned.

[Picks Roxas back up to go on the shoulders and pets his head.] It'd be my selfishness. Seeing someone hurt those I love, even accidentally or just a little, it takes all my self control not to smash everything, eh?

Yeah I know how that is. I'm not good at that. Self control. I smashed my room up pretty good.

[Lea has to choose Roxas because if he didn't, it would just crush him.]

I hope he will. I need him.

Heh good. Better to smash your room than faces. I'm more the smash faces kind of guy though.

I'm sure he will. Just tell him that with your big sad puppy eyes and if he says no, then he's not even Lea, just an impostor.

I would have. When the captain came in I would have attacked him before, but I'm trying not to do that. I don't know if he would have fought me or not. See when I'd get mad at Lea and I just wanted to fight with him, he'd stop and just stand there and I can't...

[It has to be fair. It's not worth it if his opponent doesn't fight back.]

I don't know, Lea can tell me no pretty easy.

Aye. Like me and Thatch, eh? [Sorry Roxas, but Marco is lighting up a cigarette. He even reflexively offers Roxas one, before remembering to switch it with candy sticks.]

But there's a difference. When it's something important they just have to get it.

Trust me kiddo, the only two people who can stop me from doing anything are Thatch and my Pops, and that's only because I let them. The only reason Thatch is still here is because I won't let him go, or he would.

[Roxas hasn't eaten in all that time and after a slight hesitation, he takes the candy and sucks on the end of it. It's so sweet and he finds it soothing. Something he's more accustomed to.]

I guess it's like that, but not always. I tell Lea no sometimes too. But that is important. He has to get it. It's...I can't just go somewhere without him. Not again. Not after everything.

I get it kiddo. [Ah sweet sweet smoke.]

[Phoenix pirates have a problem with liking ashes, toxins, and flames. Unsurprisingly.]

I'm that way with Thatch too. If I didn't think I could extend his time living, I'm not sure I could bother.

He was the bastard that also got me started smoking. [Takes out the cigarette to look at it before putting it back between his teeth.] Sometimes I almost hate him.

I never hated Lea but I can get really mad at him when he hides stuff from me. He doesn't do that anymore. I made him stop but...

[He exhales a little and chews on the candy stick.]

I miss him so much Marco. It's...I know it's hard to understand.

See Thatch still tries to hide everything he can from me. And he'll never stop.

[Ruffles Roxas' hair and sets about the galley making some healthy food. Mostly chowder, because that's his go-to.]

It's not that hard to understand, kiddo. You love him. It's natural to miss people you love, even if they're supposed to be better off somewhere else.

Well, okay, I don't know if he's still hiding stuff but I don't think so.

[He just droops a little, because his mood is dropping fast. It isn't Marco's fault, he's just terribly depressed.]

Supposed to be I guess. I guess he's back where he belongs. We're not supposed to be together anymore.

Oi....

What did I say about that kind of thing before, eh?

Fuck fate.

Kick it in the face. Do what you want. You're a pirate, aren't you?

Right now I don't want to do anything but stay in a little ball.

[He isn't meant to cope with these things.]

I...I'm a pirate, yeah.

Okay then you can do that. But stay on my head and let me get you some soup, because I know Lea would pissed if you didn't eat some vegetables and just sweets.

I'll stay here, but I don't have to eat. It's okay. Lea knows that.

[But the last time he refused, that didn't stop Lea from getting him to eat anyway. He hasn't eaten since he left and that was days ago.]

Knows, but makes you eat anyway. Isn't that why he was even doing assistant cooking and such?

Vitamins gotta help you get stronger, and it's good for your heart too. It might make your chest hurt less.

Did you know even Ace used to get like this a lot? When he missed his little brother.

I'm not sure. I think he liked it a little. I don't know if it was to get me to eat things.

[But it could have been. Lea was always looking out for him.]

But isn't his little brother the stretchy guy? He could just go see him.

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