piratejournal | [Voice/Action for crew]

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[Voice/Action for crew]

[It begins with a crash, the flutter of pages as the book clatters open on the floor. The unmistakable thud of something hard hitting wood, and the crack as it splinters in the keyblade's wake. The noise repeats itself again and again.]

No. No no no.

[He's infuriated because anger is the most comforting emotion he has, the one he is most familiar with. His voice cracks a little though as he makes a mess of his room. The sounds of his anger begin to slow, and it ends in one simple thud as he hits the ground, breathless. His voice comes through hoarse and worn out, full of sorrow.]

Lea's gone.

[The words spoken barely above a whisper.]

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What?!

[He snaps, spinning around quickly, keyblades coming with him. His expression is a cross between anger and sorrow. If his reflexes are dull, he may find himself inadvertently struck.]

[he's just standing with hands on hips, not near his weapon. But looking pretty put out, for all that.]

What's goin' on in here? The hell are you doin', you're gonna put a hole in the hull!

I...

[Words are not his friend, not when he's like this. He digs Oblivion into the floor instead with a frustrated cry.]

[the downward motion draws Gan Ning's eyes to the open journal. There's no message written, but it gives him a thought to check his own.

...aha.]

...oh shit. No...

[He collapses to the ground boneless, because as always, anger is getting him nowhere.]

Gone.

[The keyblades vanish, he drops his head in his hands.]

I'm not ready!

[as frustrated as he is losing people, he isn't so insensitive as to realize what this means to Roxas. So Ning drops his arms to his sides, resigning to defeat, and then steps over so he can set a hand on the kid's head]

M'sorry. I don' know what to do, but. I gotcha.

[He sniffles a little, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. He just shakes his head.]

He's gone. I can't believe it's all over. I don't want this!

Nobody does.

[he's watched them come and go. Nothing is certain in this world. But he hasn't experienced someone he really knows, as well as those two kids know each other, disappear on him.

And as much as he wants to say 'He'll come back, just like Cynthia,' he knows it's not a certain thing. They have to wait and see. So he just stands there helplessly, ruffling Roxas' hair.]

[It isn't so much that he's losing his best friend for awhile, but that it could be the end. He's not ready, just not ready to say goodbye, which he didn't get a chance to.]

What if I never see him again?

[He swallows a sob.]

[now, Gan Ning has lost enough close comrades in his lifetime to understand grief. First Zhou Yu, then Lu Meng. He's also experienced having them alive again. So maybe he's not the best for comfort and platitudes]

...that sucks, man. I know how it is. One minute you're hangin' out, havin' a drink, next minute he's...

[laying on the ground with an arrow in his neck? Coughing up blood and sprawled on the floor of the tent? Laid out on the funeral bed all in white?]

[Grief, that's what it was. Before it was some feeling in the far off future, there was more happiness for now, but unexpectedly he left him behind for a change. He wiped his eyes stubbornly.]

He just disappeared. I'm...I don't like being without him. What if he can't find me again? I need him! Is he really okay?

Well, he ain't dead...

[as far as Ning knows.]

...look, kid. Roxas. I dunno what's in his future or yours. Or mine, for that matter. I don't know what to tell ya. But if you need time to just. Mourn, I guess, then nobody's gonna stop ya.

...just, uh. Try not to tear the ship up when you do it?

[He curls up tighter and sighs softly, shaking his head.]

No, we know my future. That's the problem. I'm the one that's gone.

[He looks at the ground.]

I'll fix it.

[The last part is mumbled.]

Nah, don't worry about it.

[it's not fatal, just cosmetic damage]

I ain't gonna pretend everything's okay, because I been there. I've watched a lot of good men die in my time, and sometimes you don't get to say goodbye. It sucks and there ain't no way to sugar-coat it.

I know this time for us was extra...but I wanted it to last forever. I don't want to go home. I don't want to disappear!

[He slams his hand down on the deck.]

Lea says we've got this but he left! He didn't say he was going to do that! What do I do? I don't even know!

[rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. He knows the feeling.]

It ain't his fault. You know he didn't go anywhere by choice. The same thing that brought us here took him away, so if you're gonna be angry at something, be angry at that. The same thing that sent Raphael and all the others away, the one that keeps jerkin' Cynthia back and forth from her world to this one...

I know, I know it's not his fault but it doesn't make it better. He's still gone! I just...I don't know what to do. I'm sad...really really sad.

[He tugs on his hair lightly, sucking in a breath.]

I already miss him. It feels like the end and I don't want that. I'm not ready. I wanted more time.

Yeah, I know.

[that's really all he can say, his tone heavy and gruff.]

You want me to tell the rest of the crew? [what little crew they even have left...he really should have seen this coming, someday all of them are going to disappear at this rate...]

[He quiets, nothing short of terribly upset. At the question, he nods a little bit, curling up tighter.]

Okay. Tell them.

[He isn't sure he wants to be alone, but the person he really wants is Lea, who just isn't there. At one time he was determined to be and now? Now he can't imagine what being alone would be like.]

[he offered mostly because he didn't want to put Roxas through having to say the words again. Possibly more than once.

Sighing, Ning steps back from him, and then crouches down to be on his level, elbows resting on his knees.]

Anything you want, you know where to find us. We ain't goin' nowhere. If ya want Gaius to make you somethin', or Cyn to let ya play with the poots, whatever. I got no right to tell ya how to feel, or how to handle it - everybody mourns different.

It's never happened before. Not like this.

[Not entirely true, but he doesn't remember and he's grown a lot since then. He just looks at Ning, and presses his hand to his chest, a sign Lea knows to be serious.]

It hurts.

Yeah. Yeah, I bet it does. Best pals...it's hard to lose 'em.

[and while his way of dealing involves naming a rooster after his best pal...that's his way.]

[He quiets, because there isn't much else to say at the moment. Roxas just curls up miserably, hiding his face in his arms.]

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