[Voice]

[by_heart]

Okay, clearing something up for a friend of mine who insists he's not scared of the ocean.

List of Scary Things About The Ocean:

1. Giant spider crabs

2. Giant spider crabs

3. Drowning

4. Smaller spider crabs, I don't know. Now someone else list things.

[Yes, he did just make a list out loud instead of writing it down. Don't ask. He likes the sound of his own voice.]

Comments

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

GOBLIN SHARKS

DEEPSEA HATCHET FISH

GIANT SQUID

INVISIBLE SHARKS

[Discovery Channel!]

[Voice]

[by_heart]

Invisible sharks?!

[He doesn't even know what some of those are, but that one definitely stands out.]

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Yeah! They've got this shit called like, photophores, yo, they reflect light in this weird creepy way and since all the other fish, they're looking up or down for them, because they're below or above? They can't even see those bitches.

[Voice]

[by_heart]

That's terrible. I'm gonna have nightmares for the rest of my life. Thank you for that.

[This started out as an exercise to scare some sense into Roxas and instead it's just making him afraid of the ocean.]

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Well, shit, at least I'm not the only one.

You know there's starfish with teeth?

[Voice]

[by_heart]

I don't want to think about it. I don't want to think about any of this stuff. I especially don't want to think about all the stuff Namur just unloaded, so don't go listen to that unless you never want to sleep again.

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Oh- those are are called, like- candida fish or something, they swim up your dick hole. Probably the scariest fucking thing in the world for a dude.

Speaking of which, why you doing this anyway, yo? Isn't it easier to pretend this shit doesn't exist and go on your merry way? As long as you're on the ocean, anyway. If you fall overboard, you're just gonna have a heart attack before you hit the water.

[Voice]

[by_heart]

I was trying to make an analogy, but things have kinda gotten out of hand with the...you know...dick fish...

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Well, if it helps, the ocean is scary as hell and people should probably stay away from it unless they've got automatic weapons.

[Voice]

[by_heart]

Hey, you've got my 100% agreement on that. No argument here. I'm still not sure Roxas grasps the gravity of the situation, but...yeah. The ocean is terrible.

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Hey, I know Roxas! Sweet kid! I didn't know this was about him. He doin' okay?

[A brief pause.]

...You Lea?

[Voice]

[by_heart]

Huh? Yeah, I'm Lea.

[Roxas has been telling stories again, it seems.]

Roxas is...well, he's fine, but he's acting a bit impaired in the self-preservation department.

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

[Jesse sounds delighted.]

Oh! He talked about you a lot- just made me kinda want to meet you, that's all. I'm Jesse.

Too bad about the kid. That seems to happen t' the nice ones.

[Voice]

[heartismyown]

Wait, there's invisible sharks?! How do they get invisible?!

[Excitement is the opposite of how one should feel, Roxas.]

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Hey man! Long time no talk!

But like I said- they've got these things, they reflect light, so- [A pause, as the conversation with Lea weighs on his mind. This cannot sound cool.] So they're actually there, but the fish around them? When they look around, all they see is light, reflected through the water. So they got no way of protecting themselves, y'know, by running away or whatever, because they can't see it coming- they think they're safe, y'know? But the shark is there, it can do whatever it wants, because nobody can see it coming, they trust the senses they got.

[Voice]

[heartismyown]

Hi! [He knows this voice, but can't for the life of him remember his name.]

Wait they do it with light?

[Excitement is only building. It sounds so freakin' cool!]

Do you think people could do that?!

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

I dunno, man, maybe... it probably wouldn't work, though, we look at people straight on, so I think light bends in different directions. People have to use different ways to make themselves seems something different than what they look like.

People can definitely be invisible until they bite you. They just do it by making themselves look harmless, y'know?

[Voice]

[heartismyown]

[In that regard, Roxas does alright. He seems perfectly sweet and innocent until his temper flares or you become his enemy, then he is just dangerous.]

I thought it might work. Oh well, I guess I can't be invisible, but those sharks can! I saw baby sharks at the aquarium.

[Again, not sounding very afraid. Lea may be onto something with his concern.]

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

And you know a shark would eat you just as soon as look at you, right? Meat is meat to a shark. And sharks grow up to be way bigger than you.

[Jesse is getting concerned himself- and that takes a lot.]

[Voice]

[heartismyown]

Maybe, but we don't really see sharks much and I could hit it with my keyblade!

[Anyone wants to challenge him to a fight, he'll fight.]

The little baby sharks were really cute! Lea said not to pet them though. They had a petting pond with other things um...these flat animals and a little crab Lea was teasing...

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Stingrays I bet! That sounds awesome- I pet them once at an aquarium on a school trip, they're super soft and they splash you-

[Stay on target, stay on target...]

Yeah... You might not see sharks a lot, but I bet you don't see, uh. Megalodons much either, and one of them could snort you up in its nose, man. And you'd be gone, no more Roxas.

[Voice]

[heartismyown]

It was really awesome! It was soft even though it's a little wet, and it did splash me! How did you know?

[It was really fun to go to the aquarium and pet things, plan a heist and go look at all the fish.]

What is that? It sounds huge!

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Well, that's what they like to do, stingrays, so I kinda figured...

[He's faltering a little. Lea must have been having a bitch of a time- this is hard.]

Uh- well, it's this giant, old shark- so big it wouldn't even notice you if you fell in the ocean. It'd just snort you up. It wouldn't even be a fight or anything cool like that. That's the thing about the ocean, man, it's so big, there's things in it that make people look like ants. And even if you gave ants like, giant bombs for ants, it wouldn't make any difference against people, right? That's what it's like for these ocean things, like krakens and megalodons. They can't even acknowledge us 'cause it's like we don't exist.

[Voice]

[heartismyown]

Really? Is there something that big in the ocean? Wouldn't I have seen it?

[Still sounding more in awe than anything.]

[Voice]

[blowfishabq]

Nah, man- the ocean is just that big. It covers the whole planet, except where there are the little islands spotting over it. Think about one person, and then how big a planet is- and then how deep the ocean must go. And how much space that is. And how much stuff can fit in that space. And just how big some of that stuff could get. And we'd never know.

[Jesse is successfully freaking himself out now.]

It's just like space. There's no end to space! Space just keeps going! What's out there? How can it not end? There's got to be an end!