Some asshole with a bike / Written & voiceover

[justicereigns]

This is Kuzan. Better known as Aokiji to pirates in our world, because like most logia users, he has a signature fighting style that is based on his attacks.

Don't let the almost awesome afro hair fool you, however, he's as torpid as they come.

You see this fearsome would-be marine has a ten-speed bike he rides around over the ocean like the worst kind of MC loser there ever was. That's right. A ten speed bike. What the hell does it use ten speeds for? The only one he ever uses is a slow cruise that is like watching ice cubes thaw! It's not even a motorcycle! That's how useless it is.

He's got the gloves and boots like a real rider, but on a bicycle, he might as well just have the gear to deal with the cold.

So uncool.

He does make a mean ice cream though. So you know, if you're anywhere near the Friend Ship or Justice Penguin, get some. Unless you're a pirate. Then you're even more of a loser than him.

[Yup. That's it. This is a public service message brought to you by: Smoker, the worst friend ever. Carry on.]

Comments

[allendsmeat]

I dunno. I guess he was busy. I really don't know anything about him.

[he couldn't even remember what he looked like back then but that was alright]

[justicereigns]

It wasn't meant to be literal.

[... Although that sounds kind of sad actually.]

Wait, so you never knew Dragon growing up?

[allendsmeat]

I didn't even know I had a dad. But I guess a lot of people do. Mothers, too, isn't that weird? [he thinks it is a little]

[justicereigns]

It's a little necessary for being born.

[allendsmeat]

haha yeah I guess so! But who cares about that stuff? [you couldn't do anything a long time cuz you were a baby, right? It was probably really boring]

[justicereigns]

[What.]

[How does that even make sense.]

[No.]

[Seriously.]

[What.]

Straw Hat, you couldn't be Pirate King if you weren't born in the first place.

[How does your brain work? Did the hamster get tired of running on its wheel in there?]

[allendsmeat]

I know that. It's just not interesting to talk about.

[he pushes the hat off and lets his arms flop to either side]

We gotta find something interesting to do.

[justicereigns]

Like what?

I'm not usually one for having conversations with pirates.

[allendsmeat]

I know. [and that was what it was. He likes Smokey but that will always be there and it's a little annoying but that's okay]

Don't worry about it.

[whatever would happen would happen. He just wanted to see him]

1/2

[justicereigns]

[Smoker falls silent for a bit.]

[He can't help but feeling like he's the one failing somehow.]

[Yeah, he wanted to talk to people, but he doesn't have anything in particular to say for once.]

[And talking to pirates is...]

[More than just difficult.]

[It's struggling with justice, with what he knows about pirates and friendship and that takes time.]

[Still....]

[Straw Hat is apparently laid up in bed after some battle and Smoker doesn't want to end it so pointlessly.]

Let's play a game.

[At least he can justify it as getting to know his enemies.]

[allendsmeat]

What kind of game?

[justicereigns]

A word game. Or a guessing game.

[allendsmeat]

Yosh. Okay. Let's guess stuff.

[justicereigns]

Fine. You want to guess first?

[allendsmeat]

Okay. Ummm. Red. [yep]

[justicereigns]

An apple?

[allendsmeat]

hahaha Shouldn't you know what I'm trying to guess? You're pretty bad at this game.

Locked

[justicereigns]

[He also separates the conversations. This one is locked, because it's one thing to pretend to be keeping an eye on pirates, and quite another to openly display friendship. Hina already called him on acting too softly with Straw Hat, and that was a warning sign. If she saw it enough to call him on it, someone more dangerous might suspect it if he didn't guard against it.]

And tell me about your adventure. How did you get hurt?

Not that I care, but I can't let you get hurt unless I'm the one kicking your ass. It'll lower my reputation. [OBVIOUSLY.]

[allendsmeat]

[not let him get hurt, huh?] haha you're such a weird guy. [though said fondly]

Mmm well the Pants captain guy could make...um... what's the word for when you see stuff like water in the desert or when you eat a weird mushroom?

[justicereigns]

Mirage? Hallucination? Illusion?

[allendsmeat]

Yeah those. Anyway he could do that stuff and I was trying to find the right one and did and got his spear but it extended.

But it missed my stomach. [which was good. It would have been bad if he couldn't eat]

[justicereigns]

I see. So it cracked your ribs instead?

[allendsmeat]

Yeah it went straight through. [but then he was close enough to punch his face in so that was alright]

I just need a lot of meat and then I'll be okay.

[justicereigns]

I don't think that's how it works.

[allendsmeat]

It definitely is. Meat gives me strength! [don]