[Written] Baby it's cold outside

[hollywood_bro]

it's colder than the sea witch's titties out here
not that i ever touched them. ew.
huge boner killer
but it's unreal like
i can't get warm even if i'm sitting next to a fire.
so
who wants to help me get warm?
shit i hate that this thing can't take video
there's no way for me to show you how awesome i am.
hold up
wait a minute

[Dave decides to draw a self portrait with the same red ink he's been using to write. He makes his face and hair first, carelessly scribbles in his shades, and when he gets to his body he decides that he doesn't give a shit about anatomy.]

[Wow. That is the shittiest drawing ever. It's cool though, in an ironic sort of way. Dave is completely convinced that this shitty drawing will get him laid. Girls love a guy with a sense of humor.]

there
i'm fucking ripped.
who wants me?

[Feel free to have your character laugh at him/make fun of him/etc.]

Comments

[written]

[totheright]

sorry
i'd love to come over but i'm not into lizards
you understand

[written]

[hollywood_bro]

im not a lizard
but like
if you're into anthropomorphic guys my crewmate is a shark
idk what he has downstairs though
not sure i want to know

[written]

[totheright]

oh really?
the image was misleading
just letting you know.

... that makes 2 of us. the 'not wanting to know' part. kaoru hitachiin. who are you?

[written]

[hollywood_bro]

im dave strider
captain of the lil playa
and pimpmaster of the high seas
sup

[Voice]

[imashaaaaark]

What the HELL is that? Did your lower half turn into a bug's lower half? Why do you have so many boobs? Are you really a girl? Why are you fondling yourself?

[Voice]

[hollywood_bro]

No, dude. They're muscles not moobs. I guess I should've given him guns or something. He's not touching himself, he's flexing.

Re: [Voice]

[imashaaaaark]

Oh...You just suck at art, then. I hope you sail better than you illustrate.

written;

[dersite_dj]

shits honestly fuckin beautiful
some crispy old fuck with a handlebar mustache is slowly lowering his elephant gun and wiping away one dusty old tear to spare shooting this majestic goddamn specimen

written

[hollywood_bro]

it is so majestic
like allan quartermain in the league of extraordinary gentlemen
he levels his gun at the tiger
everyone knows hes gonna shoot it
and then
he doesn't
because its beautiful.

written

[dersite_dj]

bob barker would roll in his fucking grave if someone tried to put a price on it
billionaires would get outbid by this fucking tapestry itself
art didnt know what it was until you set the fucking marker down on your shitty magic notebook
also are you doing a fucking dance in it

[Written]

[thetruehistorian]

If you need undergarments with excellent support I've located a shop that's willing to barter.

[Written]

[hollywood_bro]

no you're looking at it wrong
i keep telling people they're muscles not moobs
no one appreciates my artistic vision
i put my blood sweat and tears into that sketch

[Written]

[thetruehistorian]

Oh I saw the painstaking care with which you drew it. Perhaps adding a bit of chiaroscuro will help your vision communicate itself more clearly.

[written]

[thatsmycue]

Whoa, if that's a self-portrait, you're pretty ugly.

[Gold tells it like it is]

[written]

[hollywood_bro]

what are you talking about?
it's the most awesome self-portrait in the history of ever.
you're just jelly because you can't draw

[written]

[thatsmycue]

Hey! You don't know me, you don't know what my art skills are like. I can draw better'n that.

[Maybe in his head]

written

[hisoldtricks]

If that is an accurate representation of your body then you may want to invest in blankets.

written

[hollywood_bro]

already tried that, dude
didn't work.

written

[hisoldtricks]

Ah then you may want to draw a more flattering figure of yourself. Your present avatar is quite deformed.

[Written]

[makestrouble]

No one. No one wants you. You look like a really sad awakened being.

[Written]

[hollywood_bro]

what's an awakened being?

[Written]

[makestrouble]

You, apparently.

How do you even walk on those stubby little legs?

[Written]

[redcinemareel]

[Her ink is also red, but her handwriting is in beautiful cursive.]

That's hideous.

[Written]

[hollywood_bro]

[Dave doesn't do cursive, so it should be easy to tell them apart.]

that's the point.
it's so bad it's good.
i can't believe i have to explain this
it's like no one here understands irony.

[Written]

[redcinemareel]

I think everyone understands irony, but no one likes terrible art.