Alpha Bro/Dave Strider (
hollywood_bro) wrote in
piratejournal2013-12-15 08:24 am
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[Written] Baby it's cold outside
it's colder than the sea witch's titties out here
not that i ever touched them. ew.
huge boner killer
but it's unreal like
i can't get warm even if i'm sitting next to a fire.
so
who wants to help me get warm?
shit i hate that this thing can't take video
there's no way for me to show you how awesome i am.
hold up
wait a minute
[Dave decides to draw a self portrait with the same red ink he's been using to write. He makes his face and hair first, carelessly scribbles in his shades, and when he gets to his body he decides that he doesn't give a shit about anatomy.]

[Wow. That is the shittiest drawing ever. It's cool though, in an ironic sort of way. Dave is completely convinced that this shitty drawing will get him laid. Girls love a guy with a sense of humor.]
there
i'm fucking ripped.
who wants me?
[Feel free to have your character laugh at him/make fun of him/etc.]
not that i ever touched them. ew.
huge boner killer
but it's unreal like
i can't get warm even if i'm sitting next to a fire.
so
who wants to help me get warm?
shit i hate that this thing can't take video
there's no way for me to show you how awesome i am.
hold up
wait a minute
[Dave decides to draw a self portrait with the same red ink he's been using to write. He makes his face and hair first, carelessly scribbles in his shades, and when he gets to his body he decides that he doesn't give a shit about anatomy.]

[Wow. That is the shittiest drawing ever. It's cool though, in an ironic sort of way. Dave is completely convinced that this shitty drawing will get him laid. Girls love a guy with a sense of humor.]
there
i'm fucking ripped.
who wants me?
[Feel free to have your character laugh at him/make fun of him/etc.]
[written]
i'd love to come over but i'm not into lizards
you understand
[written]
but like
if you're into anthropomorphic guys my crewmate is a shark
idk what he has downstairs though
not sure i want to know
[written]
the image was misleading
just letting you know.
... that makes 2 of us. the 'not wanting to know' part. kaoru hitachiin. who are you?
[written]
captain of the lil playa
and pimpmaster of the high seas
sup
[written] {s-sorry for the delay}
[written] {no problem}
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written;
some crispy old fuck with a handlebar mustache is slowly lowering his elephant gun and wiping away one dusty old tear to spare shooting this majestic goddamn specimen
written
like allan quartermain in the league of extraordinary gentlemen
he levels his gun at the tiger
everyone knows hes gonna shoot it
and then
he doesn't
because its beautiful.
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billionaires would get outbid by this fucking tapestry itself
art didnt know what it was until you set the fucking marker down on your shitty magic notebook
also are you doing a fucking dance in it
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i keep telling people they're muscles not moobs
no one appreciates my artistic vision
i put my blood sweat and tears into that sketch
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[Gold tells it like it is]
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it's the most awesome self-portrait in the history of ever.
you're just jelly because you can't draw
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[Maybe in his head]
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didn't work.
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How do you even walk on those stubby little legs?
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That's hideous.
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that's the point.
it's so bad it's good.
i can't believe i have to explain this
it's like no one here understands irony.
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