piratejournal | [Written] Baby it's cold outside

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[Written] Baby it's cold outside

it's colder than the sea witch's titties out here
not that i ever touched them. ew.
huge boner killer
but it's unreal like
i can't get warm even if i'm sitting next to a fire.
so
who wants to help me get warm?
shit i hate that this thing can't take video
there's no way for me to show you how awesome i am.
hold up
wait a minute

[Dave decides to draw a self portrait with the same red ink he's been using to write. He makes his face and hair first, carelessly scribbles in his shades, and when he gets to his body he decides that he doesn't give a shit about anatomy.]

[Wow. That is the shittiest drawing ever. It's cool though, in an ironic sort of way. Dave is completely convinced that this shitty drawing will get him laid. Girls love a guy with a sense of humor.]

there
i'm fucking ripped.
who wants me?

[Feel free to have your character laugh at him/make fun of him/etc.]

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Huh. well, that's one way to look at it. Though no, everything is wrong with being an awakened being.

...And just a suggestion: You should probably give up art.

is an awakened being some kind of monster?
there was another guy talking about animals i never heard of before
so i think we're from different planets

Yes, it is a kind of monster. They like to eat people, so I'm going to hope you're not one, or else we have a problem.

Different planets? Like this day could get any fucking weirder...

i only eat people in bed
that was a joke
i don't actually eat people.
my crewmate eats people but only in self defense
he's a shark.
so i wouldn't attack him if i were you
unless you want an arm chewed off.

You have a shark as a crewmate. A shark. Seriously? How does that even work for you? Do you keep him in a tank and feed him mutinous crewmates or something?

he's a shark man actually.
he has arms and legs and he can breathe air
so he doesn't need a tank
he's built like a tank
he's great at swimming too.
most of the time i feed him steak
sometimes chicken or pork
he likes everything but vegetables

That's...neat, actually.

I wonder if there are shark guys who're shit at swimming and like vegetables? They probably get shunned from their communities or something.

he's a pretty cool guy once you get to know him.
looks scary but all sharks do
he's been a loyal shipmate so far
kicks ass in battle
and he only threatened to eat me once.

Well, at least he's loyal? I still wouldn't trust a guy who threatens to eat you, but that's just me.

he didn't mean it though
he was just trying to get me to shut up.
apparently talking about balls makes him uncomfortable
maybe he doesn't have any?

Maybe! And he could be all insecure about that. Poor, poor guy.

i guess it might be difficult for him to find company
there aren't a lot of women who are attracted to sharks that way
i wonder if i should try to help him find a girlfriend?
he didn't seem to want one though.

Maybe there's a hot shark lady out there who'd like to meet him. Though if he's not interested, he's not interested. Nothin' wrong with that either.

you're right.
i should focus on getting a larger crew
that would make us both happy.

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