[Written] Baby it's cold outside

[hollywood_bro]

it's colder than the sea witch's titties out here
not that i ever touched them. ew.
huge boner killer
but it's unreal like
i can't get warm even if i'm sitting next to a fire.
so
who wants to help me get warm?
shit i hate that this thing can't take video
there's no way for me to show you how awesome i am.
hold up
wait a minute

[Dave decides to draw a self portrait with the same red ink he's been using to write. He makes his face and hair first, carelessly scribbles in his shades, and when he gets to his body he decides that he doesn't give a shit about anatomy.]

[Wow. That is the shittiest drawing ever. It's cool though, in an ironic sort of way. Dave is completely convinced that this shitty drawing will get him laid. Girls love a guy with a sense of humor.]

there
i'm fucking ripped.
who wants me?

[Feel free to have your character laugh at him/make fun of him/etc.]