piratejournal | [Written] Baby it's cold outside

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[Written] Baby it's cold outside

it's colder than the sea witch's titties out here
not that i ever touched them. ew.
huge boner killer
but it's unreal like
i can't get warm even if i'm sitting next to a fire.
so
who wants to help me get warm?
shit i hate that this thing can't take video
there's no way for me to show you how awesome i am.
hold up
wait a minute

[Dave decides to draw a self portrait with the same red ink he's been using to write. He makes his face and hair first, carelessly scribbles in his shades, and when he gets to his body he decides that he doesn't give a shit about anatomy.]

[Wow. That is the shittiest drawing ever. It's cool though, in an ironic sort of way. Dave is completely convinced that this shitty drawing will get him laid. Girls love a guy with a sense of humor.]

there
i'm fucking ripped.
who wants me?

[Feel free to have your character laugh at him/make fun of him/etc.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm just sayin'. Also, I hope this isn't your way of advertisin' for crew.

No, dude. I'm seriously freezing my ass off here. If I were gonna recruit people I'd get all dressed up and make a sign or something.

I would've asked if you knew any girls, but we both just got here. And I'm not sure I wanna get all up close and personal with you like... i like you, ok? Just not that way.

I'm used to the freezin' depths of the oceans, this isn't too bad to me.

And even if I liked guys, I could do a hell of a lot better than you.

I used to live in Texas. You don't get snow in Texas.

Well, not in Houston anyway. I've never been this cold in my life. Dude, my balls are so fucking frigid right now it feels like they're gonna fall off.

That's the last time you tell me anything about your reproductive organs.

Ok, I won't. I'm just really fucking cold, man. Have a little compassion.

How much compassion do you usually expect from sharks?

But you're human too. At least partially. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to talk.

Barely human. Enough to where I don't have a problem snackin' on one.

Ok, I get it. I don't want to be your next meal.

I probably taste bad anyway.

I try to chew only in self-defense, most of the time.

I'm sure it makes for an excellent line of defense. I wouldn't want to get anywhere near those teeth.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Written] Baby it's cold outside

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