piratejournal | [Written] Baby it's cold outside

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[Written] Baby it's cold outside

it's colder than the sea witch's titties out here
not that i ever touched them. ew.
huge boner killer
but it's unreal like
i can't get warm even if i'm sitting next to a fire.
so
who wants to help me get warm?
shit i hate that this thing can't take video
there's no way for me to show you how awesome i am.
hold up
wait a minute

[Dave decides to draw a self portrait with the same red ink he's been using to write. He makes his face and hair first, carelessly scribbles in his shades, and when he gets to his body he decides that he doesn't give a shit about anatomy.]

[Wow. That is the shittiest drawing ever. It's cool though, in an ironic sort of way. Dave is completely convinced that this shitty drawing will get him laid. Girls love a guy with a sense of humor.]

there
i'm fucking ripped.
who wants me?

[Feel free to have your character laugh at him/make fun of him/etc.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

you guys have to keep the awesome going until my twin gets here
then we'll resume our normal duties

we'll do that.
there will be no shortage of awesomeness here
maybe when your twin arrives we can all hang out
i could make a joke about a double date but that'd be lame.

double dating wouldn't be as far away from accurate as you might think

... my twin and i do weird shit
for the record
we're still amazing and beloved by the entire world

really?
might be awkward then
like one of those double dates where one couple is making out
and the other two people are just
sitting there
giving each other nervous glances
because they don't feel that way.

how about this?
promise not to make out if you don't
we'll keep it super clean and super cool

i can keep that promise as long as there aren't any foxy ladies around
or really hot guys
a dude's got to be something special to get my attention though
like he's gotta be ripped like superman
and almost as handsome as i am
like
i don't think it's possible for anyone to look as good as i do
but they can try.

i spend enough time around models of both genders
and in a host club
that my standards are now impossibly high
rip my love life

i spend most of my time around celebrities so there's not much difference
you get used to being surrounded by pretty faces
after awhile ordinary people look boring
there's no reason not to have high standards when you can have anyone you want.

you're a celebrity?
now i sincerely hope you look better face-to-face than you do in that self portrait

i'm a famous director.
worked with a lot of stars
made a lot of movies
you probably haven't seen any of them though
or you would have recognized me already.

yep, probably haven't
and you probably haven't worn our clothes
or you have and you're just fangirling over meeting me internally

it's a shame i haven't worn them
i'm badly in need of a new wardrobe.
do you make clothes yourself?
or just design them?

oh, i make clothes
i actually do commissions!
i've been a little busy lately, but i should be able to pull something together for you, if you need me to?

i'll think about it
i'm not desperately in need of clothes but the stuff on isla empieza is
kinda dated
i should make a backup hat and coat in case they get torn or dirty
it'd be bad if i lost my signature look.
on the other hand
...
ok
this is a weird request but
could you make a t-shirt, a pair of blue jeans, and some boxers?
do they even have denim here?

the stuff on empieza SUCKS
i wouldn't be seen dead in anything you could find there

and that'd be easy.
i've been able to find most materials in backwater brig - denim should probably be there too.

glad we agree
i'll commission you then
how much do you want for all three?
do you need to take measurements?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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