piratejournal | [audio - written] Selphie's Sad Times

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[audio - written] Selphie's Sad Times

*The journal starts off first with a breath, like someone is about to say something really important, but difficult to say. But instead of words, there's just a soft, slow sigh. Talking about this really isn't going to be easy, so she promptly decides to write things down instead. She writes very carefully, not committing to putting the words down until she's got them straight in her head, which is unusual for Selphie*

My whole life, I've never known my parents. They died when I was very young, it seemed, and recently I've gained back some memories of the orphanage I used to live in. I didn't know what they looked like, what they did, what kind of people they were. In a way, I think I accepted that. I was never adopted, and I was sent to live at a military school. That, for me, was always that. Of course I wondered. Of course I imagined they'd come back. But what I never imagined, was meeting someone here who does have memories of my parents.

These past couple of months, it's like my whole world has been flipped upside down, and I'm not even in my home world. Since the new year, one thing after another, and another. Sometimes it's just hard to know what to think anymore. It's not just this place, but the people too. I've always been a think-on-your-feet, live-in-the-moment type girl, but until recently, I don't think I ever really appreciated just how quickly everything can completely change, swept from beneath your feet, dumped on you from a great height.

Now that I've written this much, I'm not really sure what it is I wanted to say. I suppose, just that, even though this world isn't home, there's no underestimating what might happen, and how the people we meet here might affect us.

Just keep happy, everyone.

Just keep doing the things that make you smile.

*Then the journal entry finishes. There's not the usual signing of her name, not the usual message of love and peace, nor a scribbled love heart, or a smiley face. But she does go back to underline that last line, if even for her own sake than anyone else's*

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[Chandra sips her drink, grinning around the lip of the cup.]

Of course he's not. Fuck that noise.

[She spins her chair a bit so she's sitting side by side with the other girl and slips an arm around her shoulder.]

What do you like in a partner? I mean, you should move on, y'know. No reason to mope, and hehe, I bet we could make him super jealous.

*Selphie doesn't actually know what she means by that. So she just blinks at her, before drinking some more. Selphie turns to Chandra when she moves closer, then drops her eyes to the floor as she answers*

One day, maybe, just someone who...actually likes me, and they won't be angry at me all the time.

*Really, that was all she could hope for at this stage, simple as it is*

I don't think...being jealous is... I don't think he'd get jealous. And, if he did then - it's not worth it.

[Chandra's grin softens a bit, and she squeezes tight before taking another drink with her free hand.]

I'm sure we can find someone like that. In fact, I know we can. Because I actually like you, and I'm not going to be angry at you unless you set my hair on fire or something.

[Oh...wait...]

*Sorry, Chandra, Selphie isn't really getting this right now. Her head is obviously not in the right place, and she hasn't had enough to drink to lift her spirits. She stiffens under Chandra's arm and mumbles into her cup*

...are you...making fun of me?

[Chandra bends over and pulls her in tighter.]

What? No...of course not.

[Her own voice is pitched low, and threaded with concern.]

I'm being serious, Selphie. [For once.] I know, I probably sound like I'm not taking your problem seriously, but believe me. I've...been where you are. It's no fun, and I wanna help you.

I swear on all my power, that I am not making fun of you.

...sorry.

*She's listened carefully, and it doesn't sound like Chandra's trying to poke fun at her. Her body softens a little as she sighs and shakes her head*

Really, I'm sorry. My head is just... Bleh. It's all so bleh.

*And getting back to business, she starts to drain most of her second glass of drink*

But, I don't think I'm really that kinda girl, that guys want. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. I don't have the energy to be worrying about that sort of thing.

[Chandra gulps down more of the almost caustic firebrandy, finally starting to feel a bit warmer.]

Selphie, can I ask you a question? A weird one?

*She tilts her head and watches Chandra, waiting for the weird question, whatever it may be*

Sure. What is it?

What is it you think guys like?

[It's accompanied by a little squeeze on the shoulder as Chandra lets go, folds her hands around the cup in her lap, and waits.]

*That's a reasonable question, Selphie feels, though a tricky one that she can't answer*

Well...I'm not sure. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Thatch says that different guys like all shapes, sizes, and colours of girls, so.. there's probably someone in the world who likes little tiny brunettes with green eyes.

But otherwise? Guys seem to go for the clever girls, and the ones that can really stick up for themselves. But they have to be pretty, too, and maybe funny as well. And... I always thoughts guy would like a girl who can cook, or at least bake a cake. Those girls were always so popular back home.

[Chandra smiles warmly, nodding.]

Guys like people of all shapes and all sizes, Thatch is totally right on that one. I know for a fact there are people that like little girls with those adorable hair curls of yours. I mean, hell, I like girls like you. You're totally cute.

[She grins again, not having meant to say anything, but...hey, booze.]

Really, though, I think most guys like anything that's nice to them back. You're definitely able to stick up for yourself, and I think you're pretty funny. But humor varies, y'know? As for pretty, that's the same. I'd say you're pretty, no question there.

Can you cook, though?

*It seems to slowly dawn on her, then, that Chandra really hadn't been kidding around. Maybe she likes girls. She smiles and blushes at the various compliments all the same, though she knows from her limited experience that being nice really isn't enough. She shakes her head at the last question, like she's doomed*

No, not really.

[~~Chandra likes everyone. She is not discriminating!~~]

Me either. But frankly that's never stopped me. You shouldn't let it stop you.

*Which is a very polite and generous way to look at the world. Selphie pulls a face, looking uncertain, but nods and takes another drink*

I think..it's best if I just wait. Maybe someone will learn to like me one day, maybe there really is some guy out there who likes girls that look like me. But - I don't think I'm gonna go outta my way to find him. I feel like that would take a long time.

Maybe. Maybe not. [Chandra swigs again.]

Don't give up on that, or you won't be any better off than that guy I was talking about.

*Selphie sits up on her chair, tucking her feet beneath her. She tilts her head at Chandra, pausing with her glass halfway to her mouth*

What do you mean?

He doesn't talk to people much, kind of a grumpy guy. Doesn't even have the grace to blush like you do when I'm flirting. Though I hear he used to be a real chipper one.

[Shrugs]

I think he let this stuff get to him and it sucked the fun right out of him.

That's really sad... That that happened to him.

*She looks quite thoughtful about this, really not wanting to turn into that kind of person herself*

And even you weren't able to coax him out of feeling that way?

[Chandra laughs, this time with a hint of bitterness.]

He won't let me try. He's...selfish, I guess you could say. And set in his ways.

Oh.. That's a real shame..

*Detecting the change in Chandra's voice, this time Selphie is the one to sound cheery*

Well, if he ever winds up here, you and me can give him a big bear hug!

[Chandra snorts and polishes off drink number two.]

Bet he'd like that. Honestly, he'd probably like you a lot.

*Selphie giggles at the thought and nods her head assertively*

Of course he would! Two cute girls giving him a hug - why wouldn't he like it?

*She smiles at that and tilts her head slightly*

Oh really? What makes you think that?

[Chandra giggles right back.]

Because deep down he knows he needs to be around bubbly, happy people.

Aww, well, if he ever turns up here, you bring him right to me, and between us, I'm sure we'll have him smiling away!

*She's as positive as this usually, but the drink seems to have cajoled her into being more cheery*

Good, that'll be good.

[Grinning, Chandra pours even more of the warming drink.]

Hopefully he won't though. He's a real dick at times. And never in a good way.

Edited 2014-03-13 00:12 (UTC)

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