piratejournal | [Written]

[Screw writing, he's busy at the moment so he just uses the audio option to answer, as he does the sounds of something frying on a frying pan can be heard faintly in the background.]

Cooking.

[That's regarding what he's doing with his time right now.]

Tried to count sheep yet?

[He sounds mildly amused.]

The chef know you're in there?

[He snorts a little bit, responding with a sarcastic drawl.]

Yeah, I'm at six thousand, nine hundred and thirty-six.

As far as I know, no.

[Then again, Ikki is still refusing to eat anything not prepared by himself, so maybe even if he knew he wouldn't say anything. Or maybe he would confront him as to why he's refusing to eat normally and just does so late at night while everyone, or mostly everyone, is sleeping.]

Have you tried to knock yourself out?

[It's a valid question even if it's clearly sarcastic.]

He seems awfully particular about the kitchen.

[He sighs a little.]

I don't think that would help me get any rest though. Some time unconscious, sure. Not that restful.

So long as I leave it in perfect state there shouldn't be a problem.

[He chuckles a bit.]

You could get lucky and get some light amnesia so you forget what's bothering you.

Well it's your luck to try, I'm not getting involved in angering the man.

[Zeff is pretty intimidating.]

I'm afraid that my healing powers will kick in before the amnesia does.

[The funnies part of this is that Ikki doesn't really know who they are talking about, while he knows of the new people in the crew he... Hasn't really talked with anyone lately, and he only steps in the kitchen when it's totally empty so... He really has no idea. Even if he did, though, he's not someone to be intimidated even by a god so he's definitively not worried.]

Guess you're screwed then, unless you want to talk about it. Or about anything else, just don't expect many stories from me, I've not been doing anything in special lately.

I'm not sure what I've been up to is that interesting. I've just...had enough of this year.

Dangerous words when we're still starting it basically.

I didn't mean the calendar year. I meant since last August. It hasn't even been a year since everything went wrong.

I supposed, the point still stands. I doubt that us being done with this shit is going to make it stop any time soon.

I could really use a break.

[He could use a break before life broke him, frankly.]

Want to join the line? There's even a club for it, we have cute badges and everything.

[So much sarcasm. Ikki snorts lightly.]

Sorry, I'm clearly not the most helpful guy here in that regard. I've been wanting a break from all this shit since I was fifteen.

There had better be snacks at this club.

[He rolls his eyes a little bit.]

It's good to know that, very encouraging.

Would you prefer me to lie and spit all the things everyone who tries to be encouraging and understanding says? Even if not even them believe those things at all?

No, I suppose not, I don't care for being lied to. Even if it sounds nice. It's just...exhausting.

I can understand that.

[Then again as far as Ikki is concerned, life in general is exhausting. This place has only made it more obvious. Or rather his own stupidity did it, most of those things would have been avoided if he had stuck to his guns from the beginning.]

So, got any useful suggestions for your lack of sleep? Or to do something with your time if sleep keeps refusing to come?

No, I don't really have any thoughts about it. If I knew how to solve the issues I would just do it. It's more practical that way.

[He pauses.]

Well maybe we can explore the amnesia angle some more. Think we can just erase the last year? That'd be perfect.

[There's actually a long pause before Ikki replies.]

I could do that. Or try to at least, I've never really tried to block or erase someone's memories, but I've unlocked memories before. Not sure if your powers would work against that, but even if they didn't, there would be the problem of explaining your new condition. You would end noticing that you're not human anymore at least.

[And that's not counting the trouble other people in the crew could give, though Ikki doesn't sound very worried about those additional things.]

[He exhales.]

Yeah, I don't think you'd be able to do it. I have some psychic powers at my disposal so likely they'd fight against you anyhow. I suppose it'd be easier to remember.

[Yeah, he'd notice if he wasn't human. Anyone would.]

You know, whoever calls the shots really put a lot of detail on how screwed you ended.

[Unhelpful once more but since even when he's trying to think of something it ends being for nothing, he may as well not even try.]

So it's easier to remember, that doesn't fix the problem, though.

No, it doesn't. There isn't much I can do now. For a moment I was almost happy again but...

[He sighs.]

I feel bad for that. I feel guilty. I tried not to think about it but I don't think I can win that fight. Maybe Riku wasn't the only one needing a distraction.

I am sure someone out there would say something along the lines that everyone needs a distraction. Why do you feel guilty exactly? Just for being almost happy again?

Something like that. I feel like it isn't really fair that I'm here and going on and Tohru is...not.

[He sighs heavily. He figures he sounds pretty insane at this point. Might as well roll with it.]

That's because it's not fair.

[Blunt.]

But life, and death, are never fair. Whoever says otherwise is a complete idiot or a liar, or both.

There's nothing you can do it about it, though. Your only options are to continue going on or stop and whatever you choose isn't going to make things more fair for Tohru. So all you can do is try to figure what he would prefer for you to do and take that one.

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