piratejournal | [Written]

Only because I didn't give you the chance to. Who knows what you were willing to do to get me to eat, you got really scary back then for a moment.

[Yes, Ikki was seriously scared back then. Totally. Even if that didn't happen at all, certainly neither of them even flinched when the other bared his fangs.]

Well, with the kind of fighting monsters we have on board, me included, the navy is bond to sooner or later seriously step up their game. And when that happens, being weak as a normal human will still be fatal and stupid when you can avoid it.

So yeah, you don't have much choice. Would drink it from a glass make you feel a bit more comfortable? Because that can be done quite easily and you could just consider it some sort of special wine.

[He snorts softly.]

Please. I don't know what I would have done. Probably found you when you were sleeping and then force fed you. Use that to my advantage. Have to sleep sometime.

[It's an amusing thought, although not true. When people were sleeping it was the time Natsuno could be the least threatening as he couldn't actually get at anyone.]

I suppose that's true. No, I'd rather drink from the person I think. Somehow the instinct is there that it's not as good in a glass. I can't explain why I think that. More like a feeling I have.

And now we know for sure you weren't stalking me. From the moment the attacks started, until I returned after the witch's death, I didn't sleep even once.

[He may need to sleep sometime but he can go for a long time without it, even longer than without food.]

Hoo, and now you get picky with how you are fed, didn't expect that.

[His tone makes it clear that he's not serious about that, though.]

I don't make a habit of stalking people unless it's necessary. You're not going to make it necessary, are you Ikki?

[He still sounds like he's teasing though.]

Hey, I don't make the vampire rules, I'm just stuck with them.

I don't know, what if I like the attention?

[Then most probably everyone would know that he has been possessed or replaced somehow, he thinks.]

Says the guy who walks around in sunlight, I think there are a few vampire rules you may be skipping there after all. Youngsters those days, won't even be proper vampires without rebelling.

[Such a pity, especially for someone who adheres to rules as much as Ikki. Not really.]

You know, stalking you sounds like an awful lot of work. I am pretty busy after all. Perhaps you'll have to find some other way to get attention.

[He gives his head a shake, mildly amused.]

What can I say? I'm a rebel. I used to spend my evenings studying for class. Nothing more rebellious then that!

I'm pretty sure that stalking anyone would be a lot of work and time consuming. At least if done in the traditional human ways.

[Please, don't say that as if he's some especial case that makes it extra hard work.]

I beat you, I used to thank my master for his lessons.

[And he actually laughs at that even though the "joke" is probably lost to Natsuno.]

You say that like you want to make it a challenge.

[Ikki, do you know that Natsuno can be competitive?]

Please. If I have to hear Ace complain about my manners and apologies one more time, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Last time I apologized he dumped a bucket of water over my head.

What if it is?

[Though he doesn't really see it as a challenge, stalking anyone would be time consuming unless the person could track haki, Cosmos or some energy like that. Which he could, and that's how he kept tabs on most of the crew, sure he didn't focus enough to really know what they were up at every second, but it's enough that if someone gets attacked most of the time he will be able to know right away.]

A bucket of water? Every time I apologized or thanked him my master beat me to death, or close to. Very close to. Though that didn't stop the training, of course.

I have my ways you know. Wouldn't be that hard.

[Actually, of everything he's tried, finding people is the easiest thing to do.]

Sounds like a harsh taskmaster. Can't say I know much about that.

You're the one who said that it was too much work. I only agreed with you, because it's obvious that properly stalk someone would be a lot of work for you.

[Just an innocent comment, no need to take it as a challenge.]

Well, it was the point of it all. Training to obtain a Cloth and become a Saint isn't easy, most die, others survive but don't make the cut to be Saints, a few may made it even that far but be rejected and swallowed whole by the Cloths if they don't have all it takes. Mathematically speaking, 10 of every 100 would complete it whole. And that is based on an abnormal example, technically it should be 8 out of 100.

Besides, he trained me to hate him, going easy on me would have been detrimental.

Well it's one thing to know where you are, another to tie you down and force feed you I suppose.

[He thinks about it.]

You lost me on most of that, but it makes it all the more impressive that you succeeded.

I thought we had left the tying people down to feed them thing behind us.

[Some background noises as Ikki starts to pick everything up and wash the dishes.]

What part did you get lost in exactly? That's not really what makes impressive that I succeeded though.

I'm not sure what you mean about Cloths. No? What's impressive then?

Ah, sorry, Cloth is the term used for our armors... I suppose you haven't seen me with mine, huh? It's the proof that we're Saints and not just footsoldiers in Athena's army.

The impressive thing is that ever since the Phoenix Cloth, my Cloth, was created back in the mythological era, no one has ever been able to wear it. Many have won the right at the eyes of the Sanctuary and Athena, sure, but the Cloth never accepted them, its container never opened until I arrived.

No, I haven't seen you with your armor.

[He thinks about it and sighs a little.]

An interesting twist of fate for you then. You weren't always a phoenix?

Remind me to show it to you some day you feel like it.

[There's a pause at the next part, both in Ikki's words and the background noises. After a long moment there's a sigh.]

It's... Complicated. I didn't know I was a phoenix. I didn't feel anything different in me, never noticed that there was something different.

Most kids can't go on for two months without nothing to eat, running around barefooted no matter the weather and still have enough strength to fight an adult. If it wasn't hunger then illnesses would kill them, and if not they would be too weak to fend off the adults. But I was able to do that and more. I even survived an attack from the guardian of a god that was meant to kill me, that would have killed any normal human even if they were at their strongest condition. All it did for me was make me lose consciousness... After she had to use it twice. I forgot that event because they erased my memory but even if I had remembered I wouldn't have thought a lot of it.

It just never occurred to me, you see. I knew that Shun had to eat regularly and did my best to ensure that, but I only procured food for myself after long spans of time. I was hungry, of course, but it was never anything but another annoyance. And then there's how I survived a beating and a travel of several weeks on a ship without any food, water or treatment to my wounds. It wasn't just a mere roughing up, I'm pretty sure I had internal injuries, shouldn't have survived. But I did. Not counting the beatings I got during my training, any normal person would have died from them as well.

But until I gained the Cloth... Until I wore it for the first time... I didn't realize any of that. You could say that I had been divided in two even before birth and that one part was stored in the Cloth and only returned when I gained it.

[He's quiet for a moment before he speaks. It's a lot to take in and he doesn't want to be offensive.]

It sounds like you had a difficult time. I'm sorry to hear it. I can't even imagine the shock that came when you learned you were a phoenix and everything it meant.

[It wasn't just learning that he was a phoenix. It wasn't just realizing the things that he should have realized, but missed, because deep down they made sense to him. Never he questioned himself about them, because it was just the way things were, the same way the sky was blue, he could go without eating for a long time. The realization was a shock, in more ways than one because it truly felt that part of him had been locked in the Cloth and for thousands of years it had been alone, empty, waiting for something that maybe would have never come.

And, of course, there was the issue with his father and the realization of all his mistakes. All the things he had done wanting to help and protect and that had served for nothing but hurt others.]

Yeah.

[The voice is low and heavy, and for a second, for that brief moment, it sounds tired. The exhaustion of all those years, of the millenniums of loneliness, that part of him had experienced, of all the battles, of all the pain. But he doesn't want to talk about that, Natsuno understands many things, but he doubts he could get that and he doesn't want to test how much more he can understand.]

Anyway, that's why I told you that going without food for a few days wouldn't mean much for me. I survived worse after all.

[There isn't any way for Natsuno to truly understand all of that, although he would be understanding and empathetic.]

You have, but you don't need to live like that anymore, right? And...for me, making friends is difficult. I want to protect my friends. I know that doesn't mean anything, because I didn't protect my other friend, and if people told me they didn't want me to, I'd understand. That doesn't change the fact that I would want to protect them.

I get what you mean. I am the same way, may be a phoenix thing seeing how Marco is even.

And I may not need to live like that anymore. But that doesn't mean I can trust this world with something as important as food. Poison won't kill me for long, but while I'm out of it others may get hurt.

[He's quiet for a moment more, debating. He isn't sure how Ikki will react, but he decides to speak his mind.]

I'll help you. If you die, I'll be there to look after things until you come back.

[There's a soft sound almost like a smile.]

Thanks, I will still do my best to not die though.

Of course. I'm not suggesting you go out and drown yourself or anything. I'm just saying...

I'll have your back.

That's a relief. I hope you know that I will do the same for you, right?

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