piratejournal | [Written]

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[Written]

[It's late at night when the journal entry appears.]

Evening.

I suppose I am writing in this thing because I can't sleep. I haven't really figured out what to do about that. Any suggestions would be helpful.

[There's a pause, before he adds more.]

Is anyone else up at this hour? What are you doing with your time?

[Another pause, longer than the last.]

If anyone would like to talk right now, that would be fine.

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You're the one who said that it was too much work. I only agreed with you, because it's obvious that properly stalk someone would be a lot of work for you.

[Just an innocent comment, no need to take it as a challenge.]

Well, it was the point of it all. Training to obtain a Cloth and become a Saint isn't easy, most die, others survive but don't make the cut to be Saints, a few may made it even that far but be rejected and swallowed whole by the Cloths if they don't have all it takes. Mathematically speaking, 10 of every 100 would complete it whole. And that is based on an abnormal example, technically it should be 8 out of 100.

Besides, he trained me to hate him, going easy on me would have been detrimental.

Well it's one thing to know where you are, another to tie you down and force feed you I suppose.

[He thinks about it.]

You lost me on most of that, but it makes it all the more impressive that you succeeded.

I thought we had left the tying people down to feed them thing behind us.

[Some background noises as Ikki starts to pick everything up and wash the dishes.]

What part did you get lost in exactly? That's not really what makes impressive that I succeeded though.

I'm not sure what you mean about Cloths. No? What's impressive then?

Ah, sorry, Cloth is the term used for our armors... I suppose you haven't seen me with mine, huh? It's the proof that we're Saints and not just footsoldiers in Athena's army.

The impressive thing is that ever since the Phoenix Cloth, my Cloth, was created back in the mythological era, no one has ever been able to wear it. Many have won the right at the eyes of the Sanctuary and Athena, sure, but the Cloth never accepted them, its container never opened until I arrived.

No, I haven't seen you with your armor.

[He thinks about it and sighs a little.]

An interesting twist of fate for you then. You weren't always a phoenix?

Remind me to show it to you some day you feel like it.

[There's a pause at the next part, both in Ikki's words and the background noises. After a long moment there's a sigh.]

It's... Complicated. I didn't know I was a phoenix. I didn't feel anything different in me, never noticed that there was something different.

Most kids can't go on for two months without nothing to eat, running around barefooted no matter the weather and still have enough strength to fight an adult. If it wasn't hunger then illnesses would kill them, and if not they would be too weak to fend off the adults. But I was able to do that and more. I even survived an attack from the guardian of a god that was meant to kill me, that would have killed any normal human even if they were at their strongest condition. All it did for me was make me lose consciousness... After she had to use it twice. I forgot that event because they erased my memory but even if I had remembered I wouldn't have thought a lot of it.

It just never occurred to me, you see. I knew that Shun had to eat regularly and did my best to ensure that, but I only procured food for myself after long spans of time. I was hungry, of course, but it was never anything but another annoyance. And then there's how I survived a beating and a travel of several weeks on a ship without any food, water or treatment to my wounds. It wasn't just a mere roughing up, I'm pretty sure I had internal injuries, shouldn't have survived. But I did. Not counting the beatings I got during my training, any normal person would have died from them as well.

But until I gained the Cloth... Until I wore it for the first time... I didn't realize any of that. You could say that I had been divided in two even before birth and that one part was stored in the Cloth and only returned when I gained it.

[He's quiet for a moment before he speaks. It's a lot to take in and he doesn't want to be offensive.]

It sounds like you had a difficult time. I'm sorry to hear it. I can't even imagine the shock that came when you learned you were a phoenix and everything it meant.

[It wasn't just learning that he was a phoenix. It wasn't just realizing the things that he should have realized, but missed, because deep down they made sense to him. Never he questioned himself about them, because it was just the way things were, the same way the sky was blue, he could go without eating for a long time. The realization was a shock, in more ways than one because it truly felt that part of him had been locked in the Cloth and for thousands of years it had been alone, empty, waiting for something that maybe would have never come.

And, of course, there was the issue with his father and the realization of all his mistakes. All the things he had done wanting to help and protect and that had served for nothing but hurt others.]

Yeah.

[The voice is low and heavy, and for a second, for that brief moment, it sounds tired. The exhaustion of all those years, of the millenniums of loneliness, that part of him had experienced, of all the battles, of all the pain. But he doesn't want to talk about that, Natsuno understands many things, but he doubts he could get that and he doesn't want to test how much more he can understand.]

Anyway, that's why I told you that going without food for a few days wouldn't mean much for me. I survived worse after all.

[There isn't any way for Natsuno to truly understand all of that, although he would be understanding and empathetic.]

You have, but you don't need to live like that anymore, right? And...for me, making friends is difficult. I want to protect my friends. I know that doesn't mean anything, because I didn't protect my other friend, and if people told me they didn't want me to, I'd understand. That doesn't change the fact that I would want to protect them.

I get what you mean. I am the same way, may be a phoenix thing seeing how Marco is even.

And I may not need to live like that anymore. But that doesn't mean I can trust this world with something as important as food. Poison won't kill me for long, but while I'm out of it others may get hurt.

[He's quiet for a moment more, debating. He isn't sure how Ikki will react, but he decides to speak his mind.]

I'll help you. If you die, I'll be there to look after things until you come back.

[There's a soft sound almost like a smile.]

Thanks, I will still do my best to not die though.

Of course. I'm not suggesting you go out and drown yourself or anything. I'm just saying...

I'll have your back.

That's a relief. I hope you know that I will do the same for you, right?

You have a deal.

Feel in the mood to try to rest now?

I think so. Thank you Ikki.

Anytime, Natsuno. Sweet rest.

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