007 ♦ Voice

[diamondlight]

[The voice coming over the journal sounds strained, rough, tired, and a lot of other things that imply its owner should really be in bed and not talking to people. But... it's also a little cheerier than it's been, and maybe that's enough.]

I know everyone's already started to chime in about being okay, and everything that's happened since the attack on the fortress the other day. So... I guess I should start by saying that I'm fine. Really, really tired, and I took a bad blow to my back that will take some time to heal, but I'm mostly okay. It's nothing some bandages and rest won't heal. [Probably.]

After that, though, I think I need to apologize. I said some... kind of careless things earlier. I wasn't really thinking straight, after... some things happened, and I'm afraid I worried a few people. So... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone straight to the journal after everything, and I kind of regret it now. N-not the part about telling everyone that the people had disappeared. Something else. Um... I'm just going to stop rambling about that for now.

I guess I'm just really burned out, and that's a hard feeling to deal with right now. I'm worried, and I'm exhausted, and I hurt, and there's nothing I can really do about it. I shouldn't be restless right now, but... here I am. So if anyone has any advice on not feeling like you've messed up really badly after everything that's happened, I would love it - I kind of need it.

[A short time after this goes up, Rikka's crewmates can find her out on the deck, looking out at the water. That, or preparing to make social calls to make sure her friends are okay.]

Comments

voice;

[gokai_red]

Easy question to that is, then... I'm guessing you found what you were looking for?

[diamondlight]

Mana and Alice aren't dead, so that's pretty much it. All I wanted was my most important people back, and I have them now. We've got some soul-searching to do, and all three of us are beaten to hell and back, but we're alive.

I really do owe you an apology, though. I did a lot of screaming at you when you really didn't deserve it, and you've been nothing but helpful. A little bit twisted, sometimes, but helpful.

voice;

[gokai_red]

[He just gives something of a slight scoff.]

Kid, I've been yelled at for reasons a hell of a lot more petty than that.

You did what you needed to do, then. And on top of that, that place is gone, and that witch is dead. All in all, that's not too shabby. Take what you have and hold onto that. Worrying about what may or may not have been done right or wrong won't get anyone anywhere - we won.

[And dammit Rikka, if he keeps doing this he's going to have to knock over a small island nation to counter balance all this sort of talk with his reputation.]

[diamondlight]

Mm. I guess it's just habit. I'm usually a lot more proper than I have been over the last two or three weeks.

I know we won. It just... it feels like we had to lose so much to get there. And it feels like I did so little. It's mortifying that I went in there so confident that I could make a difference, and we had to be rescued. So even if I did what I wanted to do, I... is this all my power is good for?

[gokai_red]

Everyone was saving each other's asses the whole way through that place. I got bailed out a few times, too.

All it really comes down to is that you got what you needed. It's really easy to pick apart anything and make it worse, so don't. They're safe, you're safe, and you can go on to do whatever you need to do now.

Now is important, and what you can do in the future is important. What happened then is in the past.

action;

[rosettawall]

[Alice is in... well, it's not her room. Her own room is actually quite dire, as there wasn't much left intact after steadily losing what was left of her sanity combined with a Precure's strength. One of the few remaining unoccupied rooms of the Shepherd serves as her current living quarters, and it is... quite barren outside her bed.

She doesn't really care, though. In fact, she's finding it very hard to care about much then and there besides the people closest to her, her worry for them, and... well, how utterly worthless she was now feeling.

Her left arm in a sling, she has also not very well left her bed for several days. Not that she'd done much sleeping. She'd passed out from sheer exhaustion after arriving back on the ship, but any rest was short lived. Nightmares punched through her dreamscape every time she drifted off. Rikka, bleeding out on that beach. Both her and Mana being surrounded by zombies and... the cavalry then not arriving to save them... And either way, Alice being helpless to save them. The dark circles beneath baggy, bloodshot eyes showed this lack of rest pretty well, as did her hair, hanging uncharacteristically loose around her face and not having been properly cared for as she normally would.

She reads Rikka's entry - because, really, she has nothing else to do - and just sighs quietly to herself. She hadn't gone back and looked at whatever Rikka had said when they disappeared. She's been afraid to, really. Already knowing what she did of what all this had done to Rikka, knowing any more feels like it would be too much. Of course, at the same time, she also feels cowardly in doing that.

She's been feeling like that a lot, actually. Not really talking much to anyone. Not even Lance. Just trying to stay in her own little hole in the wall, almost as if willing herself to be ignored, even though she knows that some never will. No matter how much she thinks then and there they would be better off if they just would.]

[diamondlight]

[Rikka finds herself at the precipice of the room they'd given to Alice while hers was... well, they had neither time nor manpower right now, but they'd get to it. She really wanted to make sure of that. For now, though, she was mostly worried. Alice had been badly injured, but beyond that... how bad was her mental state? Her friend had been brainwashed, convinced to try and kill her, Rikka had had to suppress her with force, then they'd been left to rot in that cell for a week with their memories, and then when she'd finally arrived to set her friends free, they were set upon by the undead hordes, and Alice more than likely thought she'd been totally unable to protect them.

And while she was technically right... it wasn't just Alice's job, nor was this Alice's fault. Rikka shared part of that blame, and- no, that wasn't important now. Alice didn't need to be reminded of what she hadn't done. Not like this.

That brings her to her present state: hand raised, knocking on Alice's door, even if it's open, extremely tentative.] Can I... come in, Alice?

[rosettawall]

[Alice looks up from the closed journal, just a bit surprised to find her there at that moment. She probably shouldn't be, of course... But she may be just the slightest bit jumpy on top of everything else, too.

She just as quickly looks back down, slipping her journal beneath a pillow behind her, before responding quietly and with an not very hidden note of nervousness:] Of course, Rikka-chan...

[Even with the way she was feeling, she couldn't very well say no to either her or Mana. In fact, it was all that she wanted, but you wouldn't catch her saying that in her current state.]

[diamondlight]

[The door creaked open as Rikka let herself in; her immediate first look was to her friend's face, to see how she was. And boy, Alice looked like she'd seen better days. Not that she didn't know the feeling; she wasn't sleeping much better herself. But that wasn't important now. Good to know, sure, but it wasn't going to stop her now. Neither would the wound on her back that had torn open in the fighting, bandaged but still throbbing in protest at anything more than laying in her bed and lamenting her life choices.

She puts on her best gentle smile as she moves to Alice's bedside, pulling a chair from the deck behind her and setting it down before putting herself in it, trying not to wince where Alice can see. And once she's there... well.]

It's been a few days... are you feeling any better?

[The physical, she can fix, or at least try to. The mental... she'll get there next, whether she can fix it or not. They'd need to clear the air at some point, but... if Alice didn't want that point to be now, she wouldn't push too much, even if she needed the reassurance just as much.]

[voice]

[yatteyanyo]

To be entirely honest, I find myself in need of the same advice.

[diamondlight]

I definitely understand. Whether you have powers or not, whether you die or not... I just don't know how to deal with this. This feeling of total failure.

You're all right now? I kind of remember you being a little out of shape before. Some of my conversations from before are... a little fuzzy.

[yatteyanyo]

Worry not over me. I'm well enough to work again. That's all that matters.

[diamondlight]

You say that, but worrying is part of the territory with Mana as my best friend. Besides... I wanted to touch base with everyone, anyway. After everything that happened, I haven't really had time, and I feel bad about that.

[Action?]

[willwork4sugar]

[Gaius is in the kitchen. As much as it's a relief that everything's said and done and no one's gone and died, there's still plenty of things that weigh on the thief's mind. He knows he needs to say something, but he doesn't know how he'd go about apologizing for trying to kill anyone, even if it had been under an outside influence.

He's stalling and he knows it, but it helps take his mind off of things a little. This is something he likes to do, and he hopes others can enjoy it as well, once it's done.

By the smell of it, it does seem just about ready.

Gaius pulls the pie out, setting it carefully on the table. He'd gone easy on the sugar, and he hopes he didn't overdo it on the cinnamon. At least it smelled pretty good.]

[diamondlight]

[Rikka's attention is drawn by the smell of something sweet, and she follows it to the mess to find a pie sitting on the table to cool. The sudden presence of a pie raises a question, but then it's answered handily by the presence of the person who stabbed me-

There's a short, sharp shriek as Rikka registers who's standing there with the pie, and she fights the urge to run away, but she's twitching badly. It seems her mind won't let her forget the person that nearly killed her just yet.]

Gaius...

[willwork4sugar]

[It probably doesn't help that at that very moment Gaius had just pulled a knife from a drawer, one he almost drops on the table when he hears that shriek.

Oh gods, so much for hoping it was going to go smoothly. It's with obvious hesitation that the thief turns to glance over in the girl's direction. He very deliberately sets the knife down as well.]

...hey.

[He gives himself a mental kick. That's all? Really?]

[diamondlight]

[Okay, making a very obvious effort not to be violent, not moving except to set the knife down, apparently not expecting to see her here... probably not going to kill her again. Now, if only she could convince her body of that.]

I, um... it's been a little while, hasn't it?

[How do you even get on the right topic here? "It's okay, I forgive you for getting dangerously close to killing me" doesn't really tend to come out right. And, honestly... was she ready to forgive him? Even if it wasn't his fault, she can tell just from how her body is reacting that there's still a lot of unconscious - and, really, conscious fear there. And she can't be afraid of someone she's supposed to be on good terms with.]

...this is really awkward. I'm sorry.

[action]

[failguardian]

[While she's really not all that familiar with Rikka, she does have a good impression of the other girl, and listening to her like this has Anise worried even if she doesn't know the full details of what happened. She considers just replying through the journal, but she's still not used to talking through the thing and she's always been a firm believer in the comfort of physical contact. And it sounds like Rikka could really use a distraction, so what would be better than providing one for her?]

[It takes her a few minutes to locate Rikka on the deck, but once she does she bounces up as if nothing is wrong at all.]

Hey, Rikka! Are you busy right now?

[diamondlight]

[That voice... it was that newer girl that had joined them recently, wasn't it? Some kind of spice... saffron? Pepper? Wait, no, it was-]

Hi, Anise. No, I'm... just thinking about things. Or maybe trying not to think about things. Is everything all right?

[failguardian]

[Sounds like a distraction really is what she needs. But Anise doesn't want to be too patronizing, so she pretends nothing is wrong.]

Well, since you aren't that busy, how about you show me around the ship?

[diamondlight]

I... sure? I'm not sure how much fun I'll be, but I don't mind.

[She steps back from the edge of the ship and turns to Anise fully.]

Is there anything in particular you'd like to see?

[written]

[thethundersaid]

You took your vengeance for what you lost in the same way we all did. What are you apologizing for?

[diamondlight]

I'm apologizing because I came off as a little unhinged between when Mana and Alice disappeared and when I got them back. I know I worried some people, at a time when we really didn't need anything else to worry about.

Believe me, I'm not apologizing to anyone for going in there, except maybe the two of them, for not getting to them sooner.

[thethundersaid]

Whether people choose to worry about you or not is up to them, not you.

[diamondlight]

I know that! But I didn't want to give them cause to worry. There's been too much at stake the last few weeks. So I... I just feel terrible about all this, for so many reasons.