007 ♦ Voice

[diamondlight]

[The voice coming over the journal sounds strained, rough, tired, and a lot of other things that imply its owner should really be in bed and not talking to people. But... it's also a little cheerier than it's been, and maybe that's enough.]

I know everyone's already started to chime in about being okay, and everything that's happened since the attack on the fortress the other day. So... I guess I should start by saying that I'm fine. Really, really tired, and I took a bad blow to my back that will take some time to heal, but I'm mostly okay. It's nothing some bandages and rest won't heal. [Probably.]

After that, though, I think I need to apologize. I said some... kind of careless things earlier. I wasn't really thinking straight, after... some things happened, and I'm afraid I worried a few people. So... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone straight to the journal after everything, and I kind of regret it now. N-not the part about telling everyone that the people had disappeared. Something else. Um... I'm just going to stop rambling about that for now.

I guess I'm just really burned out, and that's a hard feeling to deal with right now. I'm worried, and I'm exhausted, and I hurt, and there's nothing I can really do about it. I shouldn't be restless right now, but... here I am. So if anyone has any advice on not feeling like you've messed up really badly after everything that's happened, I would love it - I kind of need it.

[A short time after this goes up, Rikka's crewmates can find her out on the deck, looking out at the water. That, or preparing to make social calls to make sure her friends are okay.]

Comments

[abundantlove]

[Mana had been generally hovering around both Rikka and Alice since returning to the ship, but had business to attend to briefly... which was her secretly, and singlehandedly, attempting to clean up Alice's room.

She arrived back at Alice's interim room just as Alice began to tell Rikka all of her insecurities, and before long... well, she didn't mean to eavesdrop, but as she heard more, everything both Alice and Rikka said left Mana feeling paralyzed.

The fact that Rikka had said something so powerful, and yet Mana felt like she couldn't say what was in her heart... that she felt ashamed for feeling ashamed... it felt like such a betrayal of everything she was...

... she couldn't face them. She wasn't the person they needed her to be, and... she couldn't bring herself to feel the way they did about the witch, and she had no idea how to reconcile the issue of ... she was failing them as a loved one, as a Precure, and as their leader...

... Mana couldn't face them. Aida Mana couldn't face them.

What was wrong with her? How had she betrayed her own view of life and love so profoundly?

Mana turned on her heel and left, quickly, her footsteps soft and leaving no indication she'd been there at all]

[diamondlight]

[The hug is a little bit of a surprise - with the way she'd been avoiding contact ever since the fortress, Rikka suspected Alice was afraid of hurting someone again. But... clearly her speech had had the desired effect. And that was enough for her to finally start to relax.]

You don't have to thank me, Alice. This much... I don't think I could call myself your friend without doing at least this much. And I'm glad that you're going to stay with me. I said all that, but... I'm a little selfish. I don't want to let either of you go.

[She rubs the back of Alice's neck, not sure what to say for a moment.]

I don't think it really matters if what we feel is becoming of a Precure or not. We're special, sure, but... we're just fourteen-year-old human girls, at the end of the day. We get mad, we cry, we laugh, we love. We're allowed to make mistakes, and when we screw up, it's okay if we're not quite the same afterward.

[Closing her eyes, she sighs a little.] The nightmares will fade, eventually. We'll make new memories to replace the old ones we don't like so much, and we'll try hard not to let the same things happen again to us. If it means that we have to get even closer, or even stronger, then that's what we'll do.

[A long pause.]

And speaking of getting closer... someday I'll get you to just use my name, even if it's not right now. It's like with Mana... not a whole lot changes, except that the boundaries between us have changed, so be can become closer than we ever were before. And I want to know everything about you, Alice. I hope a day will come when we can share all our memories, all our burdens, all our secrets between us. When the two- no, the three of us can be as one.

[If she'd known Mana were outside, she'd have roped her inside. But alas, smoothing things over with the pinkette will have to wait a little longer. Well... one's better than none, right?]

[rosettawall]

[If you were to ask Alice, she would tell you the hug is as much a surprise to her as it was to Rikka. But releasing all of that emotion at once, after holding it in for so long... Really, she had needed just someone to lean on. She IS afraid of hurting someone again, and even then that screams in her brain. She deniedthat protest, though.]

In that case, I'm... I'm glad for you being selfish in that regard...

[Her worth as a Precure... That will have to wait. She knows that. She can't prove anything there, be it to herself or anyone else, in her current condition. But Rikka's words once more do ring true, and she knows that between both Mana and her... As much as she may have hated the one who did it, as angry as she might be over it... Love had not fully left her heart.]

...[She draws back a little further, but not too far, blinking teary eyes at one comment.] Your name...? [As it sinks in, she actually does blush just a bit. The suffixes had become such a habit, Mana and Rikka's applied only to them for so long... ] I- I could try that...

...but if you ever wake up like that, and feel as if you need to check and see we are still here... Do not hesitate to check, because- [She gulps a bit.] -so long as I know you both are near... maybe my own nightmares will clear in time.

I'll do whatever it takes, whatever either of you need of me... If it keeps us together, makes us closer... I know I cannot get through this without the both of you...

[She gives a small breath, and pulls her hand back, just a bit, until her fingertips are just barely touching where Rikka's wound is.]

But you must take care of yourself, as well. [In spite of everything, she manages to give her a worried look.] You cannot just be re-opening it trying to change your bandages on your own, or... doing things which will aggravate it... there's no need for that any longer, right? Not right now. And... I can't bear to think of you hurting yourself more...

[diamondlight]

[She was glad that Alice was finally getting a little more stable; she'd kind of been a wreck. Not that Rikka hadn't been, herself. These were slightly more normal complaints, and she could live with that.]

I'll hold you to that. Especially here. Back in our world, I think Sebastian would take offense. Really, though... all of us are a team already. This just takes it a step further. Together, we can do anything we set our minds to. Or, well, almost anything.

[She opens her mouth to say something about the admonishment to take better care of herself, but Alice's hand finds her wound first, and she hisses in poorly-concealed pain. The plea to take it easy makes Rikka's expression darken, and while she understands it, complying is another matter entirely.]

You're... playing a little dirty, Alice. After everything, you're going to ask me to sit back and trust that nothing else will happen? I mean, I'm not trying to hurt myself, but... [Mmn, that face, though... She sighs heavily.] ...okay, fine. I'll try to take it easy, okay?

[rosettawall]

[Alice jerks her hand away just as quickly as she sees Rikka have a reaction. She holds it back to herself for a moment, before gulping. She didn't realize it would still hurt that much from just a mere graze of her fingers. Her eyes shift a bit.]

I am not asking you to do that. Not at all. I fully expect should anything happen, you will do whatever is necessary within your power... I'd never expect anything less of you. We would not even be here had you not arrived when you did...

[She looks back and sighs, reaching up to finally wipe her own eyes.]

But... that is not right now, is it? The you that I- that we need is not a fighter, not until it is necessary again. If you hurt yourself just trying to take care of that wound, then... Well, we should all be taking care of each other, should we not...?

[She moves her hand again, trying not to hesitate but still with a shake of her hand. That her touch had caused any pain bothered her, but she tried her best to push past that, and her hand found Rikka's cheek.]

No matter what else happened... Seeing Cure Diamond in that hallway was one of the most wonderful things I ever had seen. I will not ask you to let your guard down, and expect just the opposite, but... For now, we do not need Cure Diamond. I hope we have earned just... a little bit of rest. For now, we just need you, Ri- [She stops herself for half a second.] -Rikka.

[diamondlight]

[The absent touch makes the burning stop, after a few more seconds. It probably shouldn't still be hurting this bad, no, but... when you stop really caring about taking care of yourself, wounds don't really heal. So, uh... whoops.

When the pain subsides, Rikka forces a lopsided smile back onto her face, though it becomes a little more genuine as another few seconds pass.] I'm glad you understand. Hell will freeze over before I let anything try to come between us again. But... I appreciate that you're willing to help me. It's... kind of gross, and I didn't really want you to have to keep remembering that time. If you really want to, though, I won't stop you. It'll be good not to have to do it myself.

[That touch calms her down a little more, though, and her smile works itself out into something a little warmer.]

If Cure Diamond isn't what you need right now, then I'm what you've got. I'm going to try not to be a pain, but after everything that's happened, I need a vacation, and I'm going to be counting on you to make sure it's pleasant.

[The last word definitely catches her attention, and she can feel her cheeks burning, but her grin goes even wider.]

[rosettawall]

[She finally manages to smile a bit herself, seeing Rikka's grow more and more. There's definitely a hint of worry and sadness to it, and it's not as if all her concerns had completely left her. That anger is still there. That wish to have been able to do harm, but to have failed at having the power or resolve to do so. That feeling of failure still resided somewhere, but she knew neither Rikka nor Mana would let her dwell on it.

There is something else, though, and in that moment it's enough to push those dark thoughts away for just a little while. A warm feeling that tells her that maybe things will be okay, so long as she keeps her important people close.]

"Gross" doesn't concern me. I believe I can manage just fine, in that regard... I see that moment every time I try to sleep, as it is. You would be mad if I told you I wanted to help because I feel responsible, but it is because I feel that way... Not for what happened, but because... helping to take care of a-[Just another slight pause.] -a girlfriend is important, isn't it...? Just as you're taking care of me, here and now.

[She stops quiet for another second, gulps once more, and leans forward, brushing her lips just briefly against Rikka's other cheek before pulling back, blushing considerably. But still smiling that little bit.]

You can be as much a pain as you wish. I would not have things any other way, I think... For everything you've dealt with, for as hard as you fought... You deserve anything you could possibly ask for, Rikka...

[diamondlight]

Alice, I have a hole in my back. You could probably see my spinal cord if you sloshed around enough in there. I don't think there's any other way to describe it... but thank you. And even if you feel responsible, well... [She scratches her cheek.] I guess that's a good enough reason. The three of us are going to be there for each other, one way or another, for a long, long time.

[In a way, this was therapeutic for her, too - getting her own problems out to address Alice's. Alone, she'd be curled up in a ball in her room, unable to do anything productive at all. But she couldn't do that. There were people that needed her, out here, the most important people to her. So she had to push through. If that meant putting her pain aside until she could help the others, that was what she would do. Because it wasn't just about "me" or "Alice" or "Mana" anymore. It was about "the three of us," and that was a shift she was still getting used to. But it was one that she was okay with, on the whole.

Physical shows of affection, on the other hand, were something she was not at all used to, and she thinks she can feel steam coming off her face, and she spends a moment unable to think about anything productive before she gets herself working again. Of course, she picks now to start blubbering happy tears, as she wraps her arms around Alice tighter, nestling her face in her neck.]

A-Alice... sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve the two of you. You're too good to me.

[rosettawall]

Precisely. I think that any of us are willing to do anything for one another, and so long as any of us are in pain, be it physical or not... The others will feel it. I'll do whatever it is I must, just as you have, and just as she has. Any problem any of us face is all our responsibilities, now... I think so, at least...

[As Rikka hugs her tighter and rests her face where she does, Alice's cheeks grow ever redder. Still, she reaches around - carefully and hugs her with her good arm again, leaning her head against Rikka's. She had just stopped crying, but the tears start to come again. Their cause is much different now, though.]

All you did was be you. I would not be who I am if it was not for the two of you just being that. I- I could say much the same... I have wondered much the same. [As they had discussed here, in fact.] But I know I do not have to worry about the "why" of that, not with the both of you, and I won't... Not anymore.

[diamondlight]

[Rikka just smiles at this explanation, because it sounds terribly familiar, and it's the role she's taken upon herself unofficially for quite some time, and officially for the six months before they came here, and for several more months since. She definitely won't deny that this feels really good, though - Mana has a way of making her feel like she doesn't have to have all the answers, that there's someone to guide her through the things she's not sure of. But Alice just gives her this feeling of safety. That nothing will go wrong, and whatever has gone wrong will sort itself out. It's a difference she'd be more interested in analyzing if she weren't really satisfied with how it felt at this particular moment.]

I think you're right. That's probably the one thing that doesn't surprise me about this whole mess. This only happened because all of us were so worried about each other that we went overboard.

[She rocks her head slightly where it rests in what is probably a shake of her head.] But really... I think I ended up with another Happy Prince somehow. Someone else I really want to give everything to, because I believe in what she's doing. It's not quite the same, but... it's close enough, don't you think?

[rosettawall]

[Alice had been blushing before, but that comparison sets her face on fire to am extent comparable Rikka's a few moments before. She'd already gotten the message that she had nothing to worry about with Rikka, but that was far and away not what she expected to hear. It was certainly something she wanted to hear, though.

Her arm tightens just an extra bit around Rikka, careful of both their wounds, and shifts her head a bit, letting her face rest against her blue hair a bit.]

I think so. Being able to hear that is one of the most wonderful things I could ask for, coming from you. Just... unlike that swallow, I want you to receive everything from me, as well... You and her both.

There's still a lot of scary things out there... I'm still scared of that, of even what will happen when I close my eyes tonight, or tomorrow... But with all of that from both of you, they seem just a little less scary, now.