[Voice] / [Action for Friend Ship of Justice]

[heartismyown]

I'm not sure what happened.

[He clears his throat.]

I sound funny, my hair isn't spikey anymore and I don't really know where I am. I went to sleep last night with my parrot at my feet but I woke up alone in a weird place.

Am I lost in dream?

[Action for the Friend Ship of Justice crew]

[You can expect Roxas wandering around, rubbing his eyes sleepily and trying to figure out where he is because this is clearly not the Hazmat ship.]

Comments

[by_heart]

I shoulda taken you up on it. I mean, then they'd be pissed at you, too, but we'd have each other as backup.

[Given the chance to redo it all, he probably still wouldn't have taken him up on it. It would put them both in danger and he wasn't going to let that happen, but damn if he doesn't miss having Roxas around right now.]

[heartismyown]

Selphie is pissed at me too.

[He gives a little snort though.]

You can't do that Lea, I'm going to blow your cover remember? I've got that memorized.

[by_heart]

Solo missions are solo for a reason, Roxas. You couldn't go with me then, either.

[There's no need to explain what he means by "then."]

[heartismyown]

Who the hell decided this was a solo mission? You?

[By now, the volume is beginning to increase.]

Come on Lea, why don't you tell me what else I can't do.

[by_heart]

[His voice is barely audible. You can tell he's turned his face away from the journal, even if there's no one there to see him.]

Who said anything about you?

[heartismyown]

You said I couldn't help you, that it's your solo mission and I was going to blow your cover. Didn't you say that?

[by_heart]

No...

[He'd been quite careful with his phrasing, but Roxas wasn't exactly good at subtlety and nuance.]

I said having you here would blow my cover. Not the same thing.

[heartismyown]

I don't understand how that's different! I mean, if you don't think I can do something just say that.

[by_heart]

That's not what I'm saying, though. I don't know whether you're giving me too much credit or not enough. [sigh] I'm saying I don't think I could do it.

[heartismyown]

I...what? Why wouldn't you be able to? You did solo missions all the time.

[by_heart]

Two people on a mission kind of nixes the "solo" thing. It would be different if you were there too.

[heartismyown]

Yeah I know that! But we did missions together before. Why does it have to be a solo mission? Why won't you...why don't you...

[His voice drops away and he just lets out a bit of a strangled sound of frustration.]

I don't get any of this and I have a feeling I never will. I should just give up right now. Nothing that's happened today has made any sense at all.

[by_heart]

The missions I did on my own were different from the ones we did together. You know that.

[Roxas probably wouldn't even have recognized him. There were definitely a few times when he'd gotten to the clock tower and taken a few minutes to feel like himself again.]

This was more like those. No room for screwing up.

[So it got screwed up for him.]

[heartismyown]

[He speaks softly. He's not mad, but he definitely is still in a miserable mood.]

That's what I'm talking about Lea. You think having me around would screw everything up.

I don't understand why...but...

[There's a pause.]

No, I guess I get it. Nevermind.

[by_heart]

[Join the club.]

I got an earful for being too attached a few times, you know. Couldn't have me losing my edge, forgetting my priorities and all that. They'd probably think I'm a lost cause by now. Then I come here and I get all new lectures about not being attached enough.

[You can hear his usual uncomfortable shifting around. He has less to shift, though.]

Dumb as that it is, they've paid enough attention to me to know how I act around you. Not sure I can change that.

[heartismyown]

I don't know how to fix something like that. I mean, I don't know...I just don't know. You're losing me here. What do you want Lea?

Maybe that's not the right question but I don't...feel well and I don't like it.

[by_heart]

I wanna be back in my body on my ship with my friends.

[He'd also really like Roxas to learn to follow conversations that aren't about him and stop assuming everything is.]

And for the last time, I'd like you to stop assuming the worst about every damn thing I say.

[If they're going to have a fight, they might as well have a fight.]

[heartismyown]

I don't! How would you like it if I told you I didn't want you here?!

[Aw come on Lea, he was winding down, but that comment just made him bristle.]

Fine, I'll take that in the best way possible, which still amounts to you not wanting me there. See? Now I'm really happy about it! Is that better?!

[by_heart]

I didn't want you here because I was afraid I'd screw up! How many times do I have to say that?!

[heartismyown]

Yeah, I'm so happy I'm about to burst. Fine, it has nothing to with me, right?

[by_heart]

[It's not helping that this body seems to be wired to accept emotional responses differently. Lea scrubs at his eyes before continuing.]

Sorry for having parts of my world that don't revolve around you, Your Highness. You have any more complaints to lodge while I'm here?

[heartismyown]

I- [He cuts himself off, takes a deep breath and exhales.]

You know what? You win. Have all the world that has nothing to do with me you want Lea. Should be a lot less of a hassle for you.

Sorry I felt really bad for you and wanted to help. Don't worry about it, I'm over all of that.

[by_heart]

[Wow, it's not fun at all being torn between being devastated that it seems like he's well and truly wrecked things this time or being pissed as hell that, despite everything he's said, Roxas is still somehow managing to make it all about him. Well, if the former is the true, nothing is keeping him from addressing the latter.]

You are not. a. hassle. You are not. a. burden. This isn't. about. you. For the last time, get over yourself and listen to me!

[heartismyown]

[He doesn't believe Lea at all, and Lea making pointed comments about him is absolutely about him but Roxas is tired. There's a small sniffling noise, but when he speaks again, his voice is completely even, the tone quiet.]

I'm listening, Lea.

[by_heart]

[Lea takes a deep breath and lets it out. He really doesn't know how to explain it in any other way than he already has. The one time he says he's going somewhere Roxas shouldn't follow, Roxas throws a giant tantrum about it. At least in the Organization, he'd accept that was something that had to happen sometimes. How many times has he let Roxas go without complaint only to be totally vilified for it later? How pathetic is he that he keeps letting this happen?]

I don't know what else you want me to say. I told you why I said what I did, I told you that I changed my mind about it, so what else is there? You can report back to Marco and Selphie that you got the fight you wanted. I'm sure they'll be happy to hear about it.