[Voice] / [Action for Friend Ship of Justice]

[heartismyown]

I'm not sure what happened.

[He clears his throat.]

I sound funny, my hair isn't spikey anymore and I don't really know where I am. I went to sleep last night with my parrot at my feet but I woke up alone in a weird place.

Am I lost in dream?

[Action for the Friend Ship of Justice crew]

[You can expect Roxas wandering around, rubbing his eyes sleepily and trying to figure out where he is because this is clearly not the Hazmat ship.]

Comments

[by_heart]

[Roxas, why are you not here when he needs to hug you?]

I know. I don't know if this heart is my old one or a new one, because I kinda feel like I had to break it in a bit before I got it to work right. I...I don't think I realized how much had changed after I left this stupid boat. I'm not coming back here again.

[He pauses, then decides that, what the hell, it's Honesty Night.]

I don't want you to, either.

[heartismyown]

[He sniffles a few times and lets out another sob before he really gets his emotions under control. This whole having a heart business is a lot stronger than he's used to.]

You don't have to go back there Lea.

[Roxas takes a deep breath.]

I..can't promise that. But if I visit, I'll be okay. I can't break my heart, right?

[Roxas tries to make it sound cheerful, encouraging and lighthearted. He is not terribly successful, but Lea might overlook it. He hopes. He curls up in Guy's sleeping space, his head resting on the open pages so he doesn't miss anything Lea says.]

[by_heart]

[You came pretty close to breaking his.]

Not funny. Don't think I missed them trying to rile you up. Listen, Roxas, I'm not stopping you, but...

[Things went a step farther than he's comfortable with this time.]

[heartismyown]

[Roxas frowns a little bit.]

I wasn't mad because of them.

[He sucks in a breath.]

We're not talking about me though.

[by_heart]

[Roxas, you're stubborn and overly literal at the worst times.]

Ban's lifted. Free talk time. No more excuses.

[heartismyown]

Okay...

[He's still quiet though, uncertain.]

What am I supposed to tell you?

[by_heart]

Whatever it is you're not telling me. You're kinda obvious when you're hiding something.

[Another reason why you weren't coming on this trip.]

[heartismyown]

It's nothing. We went over it. I was really upset with you and it wasn't about me so...

[He shrugs a little, although Lea can't see. He might be able to hear it.]

I thought you didn't want me around because you didn't think I could help. [He frowns a little.] I could...see that. You don't ever get captured.

Someday I won't be a....a problem.

[A liability he means, and he hopes that's true.]

[by_heart]

[Lea sighs. This is a really difficult conversation to have over the journal. Not that it would be any easier in person, considering their current state.]

It's not like I haven't gotten into my own share of trouble. I just do it my way, that's all. You gotta remember I'm older than you, too. You didn't know me back when I was doing the really dumb stuff. Hopefully you'll do better than me and grow out of it.

[heartismyown]

I guess. It just seems like no matter how hard I try nothing changes.

[He's quiet and sullen.]

Maybe I should just give up.

[by_heart]

Bzzzzt. Nope. Making mistakes is part of life. You'll figure it out eventually, but you're gonna have to keep screwing up a bit first. It's how the rest of us do it, too. Trust me on this one.

[Roxas may still be down, but it's a relief for Lea to be back to work.]

That's why we have friends and family, you know. To make sure we don't screw up too badly and to be there for us if we do.

[heartismyown]

I just...

[He sighs and swallows.]

I just wish you could count on me too, that's all.

[by_heart]

I do count on you. How many people have you told that I need you to take care of me?

[Because he's definitely heard that one a few times.]

What happened to that?

[heartismyown]

Yeah, but just because I think that doesn't mean you count on me.

[He huffs a little bit.]

Clearly you need me to look after you after...that other thing we were talking about. I don't want you to hurt your heart anymore.

[He pauses.]

If something like that had to come up, let me do it.

[by_heart]

No. Not happening. If it's something I need to do, you let me do it, okay? I'm not letting you be the bad guy while I play hero.

[He's adamant about this. He doubts Roxas will be able to piece together why and he's really not in the mood to explain anymore, but this isn't something he's backing down on.]

You gotta let me protect you a little bit, too.

[heartismyown]

I'm already a bad guy. You don't have to be. Not anymore. You've got a good heart right? I mean, you have a keyblade Lea. A keyblade. That's amazing. I think it makes you a hero, doesn't it?

[The thought makes him smile, because Lea has always been his hero.]

You don't need to protect me anymore. Really.

[by_heart]

I do if you're gonna keep pulling that whole "bad guy" thing. You're not, you never were, and you're not gonna be if I have anything to say about it. My keyblade doesn't mean a thing if I can't use it for what I got it for and keeping your heart safe is part of that.

[heartismyown]

Lea...

[Hang on here, what is Lea talking about?]

I am. I helped collect all those hearts. No one else did that because only I could do that. All that work I did wasn't for anything good. I'm not a hero, I never could be. If I had the chance, I would take Sora's body from him. That's not the kind of thing a good person does. Heroes don't do that.

[Another sigh. One of his deep dark secrets that he's not nearly altruistic enough just to disappear into the abyss.]

Lea, I'm glad you're looking out for Sora.

[by_heart]

I'm not looking out for Sora, I'm looking out for you.

[Well, he was looking out for Sora, too, but that's beside the point. No sense in confusing matters.]

You had no idea what it was that you were doing. I'm still not sure I even get what it was we were doing half the time. We were all puppets on a string for that creepy old guy and I don't even know how many of us actually knew that.

[He pauses a second to try to figure out how to say this in as few small words as possible.]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to exist. You should exist. One day you're going to have a heart that's yours.

[Maybe sooner than he thinks.]

[heartismyown]

Sora wouldn't do something like that though, would he?

[More to the point, he's a little alarmed.]

Lea...that isn't really possible. I wish my heart was my own...but it belongs to Sora. I don't think you can just make a heart can you?

[by_heart]

"A heart is never lost for good. You can banish the heart from the body, but the body will try to replace it, the first chance it gets, for as many times as it takes." Xemnas himself. Whatever heart you have in there is yours. Sora already has one of his own. He's had it the whole time you've been around, minus a few minutes right at the start.

[heartismyown]

[He's quiet for a moment or two, mulling over the words.]

But why would I have a heart in there? I'm a Nobody, remember? Nobodies don't have hearts...Sora would have it because I'm...I can't. Right?

[He's mildly confused and mostly looking for help understanding what Lea is going on about.]

[by_heart]

You're a special case and don't even ask me how that all works, but I really was quoting the big guy himself there. You can't not have a heart, at least not for very long.

[There's a way to prolong it, some sort of connection to darkness, since Xemnas, Xigbar and Saïx were still around, but that would just make things even more confusing if he brought that up.]

I was a Nobody, too, you know. I even died, but here I am, having a heart-to-sort of heart with you stuck in someone else's body.

[heartismyown]

Really?

[His tone is more hopeful than anything. He lets out a sigh and rests his hand on the journal too.]

If I have a heart then you have to be able to save me. Sora doesn't need mine, he has his own.

[He sighs a little and waits a few beats.]

I wish you were here.

[by_heart]

[Lea doesn't even pause.]

Nope. You'd be taller than me and it'd be weird.