piratejournal | Some asshole with a bike / Written & voiceover

This is Kuzan. Better known as Aokiji to pirates in our world, because like most logia users, he has a signature fighting style that is based on his attacks.

Don't let the almost awesome afro hair fool you, however, he's as torpid as they come.

You see this fearsome would-be marine has a ten-speed bike he rides around over the ocean like the worst kind of MC loser there ever was. That's right. A ten speed bike. What the hell does it use ten speeds for? The only one he ever uses is a slow cruise that is like watching ice cubes thaw! It's not even a motorcycle! That's how useless it is.

He's got the gloves and boots like a real rider, but on a bicycle, he might as well just have the gear to deal with the cold.

So uncool.

He does make a mean ice cream though. So you know, if you're anywhere near the Friend Ship or Justice Penguin, get some. Unless you're a pirate. Then you're even more of a loser than him.

[Yup. That's it. This is a public service message brought to you by: Smoker, the worst friend ever. Carry on.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You're just, surprisingly chatty, all things considered.

[Great Robin. Have some silence.]

[Has it been long enough?]

[HOW ABOUT NOW?]

I talk less when I've been drinking, and I haven't had good drink in over a month.

Besides, you don't see any pirates on my ship do you? [Meaning: He's less uncomfortable as all get out and half ready to jump out of his skin.]

I've only had Kuzan to listen to with Maribelle visiting Henry, and that gets repetitive fast. Oh. And Coby. [He gets repetitive too.]

Ah, just a little hard up for entertainment, then. Don't they have any rocks to stack where you are?

Sadly, no.

And I stacked all the ice cream cones and scoops.

It's getting redundant at this point.

You're going to get fat if all you eat is ice cream.

[Seriously, that's like the second time it's been mentioned. She's sensing a pattern.]

Shut up.

I'll work it off in other ways.

You're worse than Hina. Is that some sort of grave insult among women?

Merely an observation. You need nutrients, protein, and carbohydrates to stay fit.

Did I say I didn't eat steak too?

I just also prefer some vegetables, unlike your captain.

He'll eat them well enough. They get caught in the vortex as he gathers the meat.

[Okay he ends up laughing in spite of himself at that.]

I noticed.

Besides, your captain refuses to let him get sick from diet alone at least.

Mm. Who takes care of your crew's diet?

[She has a hard time imagining Smoker or Kuzan being very good at cooking.]

Diet, what diet?

[Hey! Smoker is a fine cook....ish. Look he CAN cook. Good enough, right?]

[And a pause.]

[STERN VOICE!]

Don't even make another crack about the weight. It's beneath you.

I wasn't. It's just strange to imagine you or Kuzan being so concerned with nurturing.

Nurturing?

[SUPER FLAT TONED.]

My point proven, in astonishing monotone.

[Snorts quietly.] Fine. We're not that.

But Maribelle might be? Kind of. I'm not sure.

[She giggles.]

Isn't Maribelle the one who promised to destroy any crews who embraced their new status as pirates?

Yeah, that's her. [SAID WITH ALL THE PRIDE OF A FATHER.]

And how close is she getting to her goal?

It's a little more complicated than that obviously.

Mm, I imagine entire crews returning within a few weeks, all seething and wanting revenge would be quite a complication.

[Laughs.]

Yeah, that, and now we're wanted as pirates, no matter how we tried to avoid it.

[FUNNY THOUGH, he's taking it in stride.]

Some asshole with a bike / Written & voiceover

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