piratejournal | voice/action for the Merrily

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voice/action for the Merrily

[there is silence a moment, just the sound of the sea to let you know the journal is open and then:]

I've decided I don't care about dating or that kind of stuff anymore.

[sent mostly to Ace and Smoker but he doesn't know how to private it or even if that's a thing really. Anyway it seemed a lot of people hadn't wanted him to think about that kind of thing in the first place so he should let them know]

I wanna be Pirate King and have all the friends I want and all the meat I want.

[and the rest of it... it didn't matter. Nothing could be better than nakama anyway. That done, he closes the journal and goes to find Smoker. He wants to spend more time with him before the race is over]

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[he's sitting on the figurehead, in between the dragon's horns and scoots over so that she can sit beside him. It's a close fit but it isn't too bad.]

Everyone says it's one person. But it's not one person. I feel that kind of thing about all my nakama. Sanji and Zoro and Uso-- Usopp and Nami and Robin and Brook and Keimi and Elsa and Pinkie and Bepo and Celestia a little. It's not the same, I guess, cuz I don't wanna do things always but it's the fullest feeling.

But dating and that kind of stuff... it's like you can't date and be nakama at the same time because pride and not liking things get in the way. Kissing and that kind of stuff is supposed to feel good but you gotta hide it. It's bad if people know. That's stupid.

Smoker is my friend but he's a Marine so he has to hide it because it's who he is. It's really hard for him, this kind of thing. Because Marines aren't pirates. Sometimes they gotta take the hard way or be bad Marines.

My nakama are the most important. More than dating or kissing or anything like that. I just want them to have everything they want and not feel bad about it.

[She'll climb up next to him, slipping for one terrifying split-second before regaining her grip and pulling herself up. She settles in beside him, looking at him as she listens to what he has to say. She waits until he's finished before she replies, a small and somewhat sad smile on her face.]

For a long time, I thought it was just one person, too. I thought it happened in an instant, that you would know, and that everything would be perfect, that nothing could go wrong because they were your one. But... Now I don't really think that's how it works. I think love comes in... in different forms, but it's all the same, it all comes from the same place.

And I don't think there should ever be a reason to hide it. But I know that sometimes there is, whether it's for the other person's protection, or... I don't know... [She trails off there, giving a small shrug. She understands that about as much as Luffy does, probably. It seems silly to her to ever have to hide one's feelings.

What he says last makes her truly smile, because it's so considerate. She feels bad that he's in a low mood though, and she wants to hug him but she's not sure if that would be okay or not. How do you tell when someone's open to receiving hugs? She settles instead for laying her hand on his shoulder in an attempt to comfort.]

Things might seem difficult now, and complicated, but I think they'll turn out alright. Wanting your friends to be happy is what matters the most, and I think the most you can really do is just to let them know that, that you're there for them and are rooting for them.

[he wouldn't have let her fall in but is glad she's there. He listens to what she says even though it's kind of confusing and it seems to be what he's saying almost but not entirely. He likes the feel of her and decides from then on that she's gonna be nakama forever. She also gets it. He snorts in approval of that. How can hiding feelings be any kind of protection from anything? As for those guys...]

I know... Those guys are strong enough to get through anything. [and they'd been through so much together they'd work it out somehow...]

But...

Edited 2014-07-26 08:07 (UTC)

They're really pissing me off right now! I wanna kick their asses! They should just be together and be happy and forget about all the other stupid stuff! Jerks! Bastards! I'm gonna send them flying! [but not really]

[She hadn't really known that he was talking about any friends in specific, she'd assumed it was an in general thing. But knowing that does clear things up a bit.

She's a bit alarmed at his sudden outburst, her eyes momentarily widening, but... She understands where it's coming from, so she just... laughs, albeit a bit awkwardly.] Somehow I'm not sure that would really help... It would probably be good if they talked to one another about it, though. Do you think they will?

Yeah I couldn't beat them both together anyway. [rests his cheek on the dragon's horn. jerks. bastards. idiots. booo.]

[but then he realizes something that makes him smile a bit]

Even future me would have a hard time beating them cuz they'd be even stronger then.

[said with pride. Ahh he can't wait to see that for himself. It'll be so cool.]

[but then he relaxes again with a sigh, resting his cheek back where it was]

I dunno. I guess they will. It's hard cuz they like to keep stuff private.

[which is so lame. He knows they gotta be happy together at some point cuz they wouldn't keep doing it or...]

Maybe the kissing and stuff is just really good.

[that hadn't occurred to him. But still they'd have to like each other a lot to even go that far. Sanji just liked girls right? And there was no way that Zoro would ever look like one]

Edited 2014-07-26 08:53 (UTC)

[It's becoming clear to Anna that Luffy has a tendency to say things that are kind of strange, such as the comment about the future him. Which isn't so much to say she doesn't understand his meaning (at least she thinks she does) but the way he worded it was kind of odd. Still. She shrugs it off.

And she frowns a little because she still doesn't know why anyone would really feel the need to keep their love hidden from everyone else. Love was love, right? Wouldn't everyone just be happy for them? At least, they should be, though she supposed there could be circumstances in which they wouldn't be... If the one person's friends didn't like the other person's friends, for instance. Still, even then, love is more important than things like that, so they should be able to set that aside.

She nods at what he says, then stops as it sinks in because wait, what?] Why would it being good mean they have to keep it hidden?

Edited (i can grammar) 2014-07-26 09:24 (UTC)

I dunno. [huff] I'd do it all the time no matter who was looking. ... Well with Smoker it was kinda weird but that's because he stuck his tongue in and it got kind of hot but... I'm not sure if I liked that or not.

[he stretches his feet out in front of him and cracks his toes]

This stuff is pretty hard, naaa.

Oh... Oh! Smoker? I-- Oh. [That would never have occurred to her. Things like people of the same sex falling in love and doing things like that, it had never been brought to her attention before. It wasn't in any stories she'd ever read, there had never been any examples of it. But... it's not such a strange thought, if she really considers it, because people's hearts are what matter, that's where the love comes from. And hearts weren't different just because someone's gender was different. Or... the same.

...It is hard though, she gets that. She'd kissed Kristoff before she'd left but she's still not sure what that means. Especially now that... he's not here. Though, since both she and Elsa were here, it was true that he could be here someday. But how long would it be before that happened? And then there was a chance still that it wouldn't happen, and she'd never really get to figure out what exactly they were or what it had meant. It had made her happy, of that she's certain. But so did hugging her friends, and just being with people. A lot of things and a lot of people brought her that same happiness. Even Hans had for a while, though she doesn't like dwelling on that fact because his deception is still painful for her.

Realizing she's mostly just sitting there in silence, she turns to look at him again, a bit of a sad but understanding smile on her face.]

It's not easy, but... I guess good things don't always come easily, right? [She'd had to find that out the hard way.]

[Her quiet doesn't bother him really. It is kind of weird. Smoker's a Marine after all.]

Yeah... Yeah! Sometimes you have to fight really hard to get to a good thing...
[he laughs] They fight so hard their thing will be the best. I can't wait. They're gonna be so happy. Ahh I wanna see that so bad. I wanna see it. I wanna feel it. It looks so interesting.

[His sudden shift in mood is contagious, and she finds herself laughing as well. She's very pleased she was able to make him a little happier. That's what makes her the most happy, really, making other people happy.] Good!

[Okay but let's run through what he actually said again, Anna. That last bit, that had kinda been out of the blue, hadn't it?] ...Wait, what?

Wait what what?

Ohh, no. No, no, none of that, I'm not playing the "what what" game with you. What did you mean "it looks interesting"? The dating?

[She's not really sure why she's asking, maybe just for clarification's sake. Especially since he'd just gotten through saying he didn't care about that stuff. She's trying to sort out the entire conversation they just had, and what exactly the conclusion had been on Luffy's part.]

Being like that. With the kissing and stuff. [but then he remembers and sighs a little] But I've decided not to do that cuz I want everything the way I want it.

[it's kind of disappointing but knowing they'll be happy is good enough. At least for now]

And you can't have everything the way you want it with the, uh, kissing and stuff too? ...Sorry, I don't mean to bug you about this, I just-- I think that you deserve to get and do the things that will make you happy too, just as much as your friends do.

[he likes her. It makes him happy when people say stuff like that]

I only wanna do that kind of stuff with my nakama.
[and kinda Smoker] cuz it doesn't feel like anything otherwise. But I don't want them to be angry or embarrassed about it.

[like Smoker kinda]

And no one wants to.

[and it's fine if they don't want to. He doesn't mind if they don't. He just sort of wishes someone would so he could find out about things]

[She nods at what he says, leaning lightly against his side and staring down at the water.]

Well... I bet you'll have a nakama some day that won't be angry or embarrassed to do that sort of thing with you...

[In fact, it probably wouldn't bother her any really, now that she thinks about it. He's very sweet, and he makes her laugh, and she likes him a lot.

...Except she doesn't know what that would mean for things back home... and if Kristoff showed up here would he be mad at her or upset? Would it even be fair for him to be mad at her or upset, though? It's not like she has any guarantee that he'll ever show up again so she can ask him. But she doesn't really want to risk hurting him, either...

She sighs, resting her chin on her palms, elbows on her knees.]

You're right, this stuff is hard. And it shouldn't have to be! Why is it all so difficult? It's just love! [She feels exasperated.] It's just all so-- Ugh! People should just be allowed to be happy together without having to worry about anything else! Friends should be allowed to kiss and love each other too. I mean, it's love, so... More is better than less, right? Why are there rules and restrictions? [And why can't they just be broken? Who even came up with the stupid rules in stories and things that you can only have one true love? She'd believed it at one point, but it had pretty much been debunked by Hans, as had most of her beliefs about love. And going on Olaf's definition of love, she loved all of her friends!]

Yeah! [unconsciously mimics her pose] As long as the person you're doing it with doesn't care, do what you want! We're pirates! We're supposed to be the freest on the seas! Let's do what we want whenever we want!

Right! Exactly!

Except... Well, I don't want to end up hurting anyone...

Yeah, me either. [he sighs and rests his chin on his hands] Smokey says you gotta get hurt sometimes but I don't wanna be the one that does it.

[That doesn't sound right to her. At least, she hopes it's not right. But, then again... Elsa had hurt her, on accident... Twice. She was family, of course, but that was still a type of love, because it had been what cured her when she froze.

So... maybe it was right. After all, Anna was willing to risk herself getting hurt for those she loved. It would make sense that other people might feel the same about those they loved. Because the reward was far greater than the risk.

Which... really makes her think, the opportunity to be happy and make someone else happy in the present, the reward that came with that, wasn't that worth the risk of potentially making someone less happy at some point in the future, especially when there was no guarantee that it would even happen? Really, she could just cross that bridge when she came to it, if she ever came to it. There wasn't really any need to worry about it now. Yeah... Yeah, it would all turn out alright. Most things did!]

Anyway, I... I don't know if you really think of me as nakama yet, I've only known you a few weeks [--which, to be fair, was longer than she'd known Kristoff--] and I've only ever kissed once, but...

[Aaand here she trails off. Because maybe she's not even in the category of people he was talking about. And now she had said something that could potentially make the rest of their journey together awkward. Because of course she had.

She bites her lip, looking back down at the ship.] Wow, I'm sorry, you probably didn't mean-- Should I go? I should just go...

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