piratejournal | [voice, private to Dave Strider] backdated to July 8th

It already has happened.

[Dave just isn't an optimist. If anything can go wrong it usually does, so he never expects much. He doesn't think she'll come back.]

At least people only disappear. They probably got sent back to their own world. That's what everyone says, but I don't know if it's true. Whatever happens, at least we don't have to watch them die. It sucks when you do. I lost some of my biggest stars that way.

[It probably sounds vain, but they weren't just actors in his films. They were his friends. He used to call and text Ben Stiller all the time, to the point where it was probably annoying. So many people he cares about are gone and there's nothing he can do about it. He wishes his sister were here. He could always talk to her about anything.]

People disappear and get killed. You never get to keep them.

[He was trying his best to be hopefuly and encouraging, but some of what Dave was saying was getting to him now. He too had lost everyone in his life that had even been important to him, in one way or another. He was trying to put all that behind him and form new bonds, but there was still a worry inside him that these might end up the same way and leave him with nothing but regret]

You had to watch some people you were close to die? [Thash didn't really know what he meant by 'stars' but the way Dave had said the word had suggested he cared about whoever these people were he was calling stars. At least he'd never had to go through that... he'd seen someone he cared about dead, but she died of old age so it wasn't the same]

That had to be terrible. I watched a friend of mine get impaled once and I thought he died... even though I found out shortly later that he was alive, it was still pretty shocking.

...There've been time when I wondered if it was worth it at all to get close to people and care about them. But you know what? I think it is. I've lived through long years of my life without caring about anyone. And during those times, it felt like I might as well be dead.

That's what happens when there's an evil sea witch hunting you down. She would kill anyone I cared about to get to me.

[And though he won't admit it, that's part of the reason Dave never got very serious with any of his past girlfriends. Some of those relationships didn't work out, but there were also some that might have if he hadn't distanced himself. He didn't want them to get killed because of him.]

I didn't watch all my friends die, but I know she killed some of them even when I didn't see it happen. It still makes me angry that they're gone.

[He sighs.]

It doesn't matter if it's worth it or not. No one can live alone.

....well. It might not be desirable, but it's possible. I lived alone for about 16 years over the course of my life. And yeah, it sucked... could barely be called living, really.

[He wondered fi that's what Dave meant int he first place. Sure, it was possible to physically live in isolation, but life like that didn't feel like life at all]

Well, I'm glad I was brought here. I don't have to live alone anymore... I may not get along perfectly with everyone on the ship, but at least it's a team I can work and live with. Honestly I'm starting to find myself kinda attached to it.

[Especially particular members of it...]

Despite all the people you've lost, I hope most of the time you can focus on the people you still have.

No, that's what I meant. You can survive, but I wouldn't call that living. Maybe it's different for shark dudes, but people need other people.

[Dave feels a little awkward saying that after he's spent so much time alone, but he isn't really alone. There are plenty of other people on the ship.]

Most of our crewmates are pretty cool. I don't know them all, but I get along with most of them so far. I had my own ship before I came here, but I never had many crewmates, so this is better.

[He doesn't have many people left to focus on if Grell doesn't come back. Dave won't say that though. Thash is trying to cheer him up, so he'll try not to complain too much.]

[Thash gave a short sigh] no, it's the same for me. Maybe it wouldn't be if I had less human blood, but apparently I have enough to share that human trait.

[he was thoughtful for a moment as Dave mentioned the crew and his own ship before]

Yeah, it must've been kinda hard living in a world like this with a small crew. And then it's even worse if you lose a member because there aren't many to start with... It is nice to be on a crew with a decent amount of people.

[but of course, if Thash was honest with himself, it wasn't just being around people he was enjoying. If he had no significant relationship with any of them, he'd probably be a lot like Dave's been recently and just spend most of his time alone in his room. Without Dave even mentioning Grell, Thash was thinking along the same lines]

....but it's not just people around we need, is it. It's possible to live near people, even lots of them, and still feel alone. We need closeness, relationships, friendships.... And to really feel alive we need someone who's closer than a friend. Am I right?

I never had more than two, so... yeah.

[And they never stayed around very long. Dave's friends weren't the only ones disappearing. He lost more crew members that way. Maybe he just wasn't meant to be a Captain.]

The bigger crews get all the new people, win all the competitions. I don't blame people for not wanting to join up with a lone dude on a sailboat. I thought it'd be easier here with more people around.

[And it was, for awhile. It's just not the same without Grell though.]

It depends on how close your friends are. I think you can love a friend as much as a romantic partner. It's a different kind of love, but that doesn't mean it's weaker. I don't have any friends like that though.

Hm... I don't know much about that, maybe because I haven't had a lot of friends. I did have one friend I liked a lot. [He was reluctant to use the word love. That would sound weird] He almost died during attempts to help me out more than once... I would've done the same for him. I don't know if I can say I felt as strongly about him as a romanic partner, though... I don't don't really know jack about how close people usually are to their families.

...you don't have a friend like that now, but have you had one in the past? What made you like them so much?

No, I haven't. I saw other people with friends like that and I always wanted one.

[That's only part of the story though. Dave knows he had a friend like that in another life. His sister told him about it. It was pretty surreal. He doesn't remember any of it and he doesn't know if he believes it sometimes. But then there's this emptiness, like a long lost memory. He misses someone but he doesn't know why.]

Romance and attraction are great, but they don't always last. I want someone who will be there for me. Someone I can talk to and rely on. The only person I ever had was my sister. I guess you could say she was the best friend I had, but I wanted other friends like that too.

Oh...gotcha. I know what it's like to wish you had people to be close to.[
[he was no stranger to the feeling of missing someone or feeling empty, but he knew exactly where those feelings came from. It'd be strange to have them but no explanation for them]

Well... You might not know me very well and who knows if Davy Jones will let us both stick around long enough for a strong friendship to form, but if ya come out of your cabin more often I'll hang out with you. And not just to be your bodyguard.

[it sounded kind of weird saying something like that. It was probably unusual, too. He didn't really know. He just knew it sucked to sit around by yourself missing people and wanting to have someone to talk to and be close to. He liked Dave and didn't want him sitting around feeling like that]

[It's just weird. If it weren't for his sister Dave would've just brushed it off. Everyone feels lonely sometimes. It's a be more ironic for him though. He used to be surrounded by people who adore him. He wasn't supposed to feel alone.]

Nah, you're already my friend, bro. I don't know everything about you, but you've been there for me. That's what matters.

[though Dave couldn't see it, Thash smiled to himself a bit. It was nice to know Dave felt that way, even though they hadn't known each other all that long yet. Well, if they were friends, that meant he could mess with him a little to cheer him up right?]

Yeah, I'm here for you. But since we're such buddies maybe I should come bug you more often. Hang out in your room, eat your food, talk about guy stuff... Friends do that right?

[he was mostly trying to be funny and get a laugh out of Dave, but his sense of humor was pretty dry so he didn't know if it would work...hopefully it'd get him to smile at least]

You can hang out in my room, but I don't have food in here. I don't eat. I absorb nutrients through osmosis.

[Seriously though, he doesn't keep food in there. He just makes random trips into the kitchen. Dave doesn't eat much to begin with.]

We can talk about all of the guy stuff though. Sports, women, beer, fast cars...

[Thash hadn't been expecting Dave to take him seriously, but now that he thought about it, it would be fun to go hang out with him and talk about stuff, especially when Dave is feeling down]

[he laughed a bit about Dave's comment about food...he doesn't know what osmosis is but it sounds funny]

Hahah...right. That's fine, I was kidding. I don't keep food in my room either, that's a good way to attract rats.

It'd be cool to hang out and talk sometime though. Next time we're on an island and you're feeling crappy in your room I'll come bug you. Or any time really, just let me know.

[he's not sure what cars are or what about them is fast. But Dave's use of words he doesn't know doesn't discourage him- he just figures he'll learn a lot from talking to the guy]

I don't think we have any cats to kill them either. Shit, do you think this is like... the era of the black plague? I hope we don't have any rats.

[He isn't really as worried about it as he sounds though. Dave hasn't seen any rats since he got here. The first mate usually keeps things pretty clean.]

You can come bug me right now. Seriously. Not like I've got anything better to do but sit here and talk your ear off. You might regret it though. Like, I don't know how sturdy shark ears are compared to human ears but I'm pretty sure my monologues have left people bleeding before.

[He's just kidding. But seriously, Dave will talk forever as long as someone's there to listen.]

[Thash has a lot of patience with listening, so thats just fine. He's just grateful to have people to talk to and listen to now. He's sick of living by himself and having no one around to interact with in a friendly way]

Well, alright, I might as well.

[so he did. He went and hung out with Dave and talked a little while, trying to distract him from missing Grell. Later on, a couple of days after they reunite with Grell, Thash decided to come 'bug' him again. He was sure Dave must be happier now that they've got Grell back but still hadn't seen him come out onto the island much besides to greet her. He just wanted to make sure he's doing ok and chat a bit. He knocked on his door lightly]

'Ey Captain Strider, you in there?

[hed keep calling him than unless asked otherwise. He thought it was kind of funny at this point, more like a humorous nickname than a title]

[It doesn't really count as "bugging" him. Dave is more than happy to talk to Thash any time. In fact, it's probably better for him if people interrupt his solitude every now and then. He is a lot happier now that Grell's back though, and it shows. Even the tone of his voice sounds more upbeat.]

Yeah, I'm here. Come in.

[The door is open. Thash should be able to walk in without any trouble.]

[Thash came in with a smile, glad to hear Dave's voice with a happy tone.]

Hey! How's it goin'? Nice to see you in a good mood, heh... I had a feeling Grell would be back

Okay, you win this time. But I swear most of the people I knew who disappeared stayed gone.

[Dave says it with a smile on his face. He's happy to be wrong for once.]

Don't worry, I believe ya. Just in the short time I've been here I've heard stories of people disappearing without explanation... like that lady and demon guy we had on our crew. At this point, I don't think they're coming back.

[He just mentioned it as an observation though; his voice not implying any particular concern]

It does make me wonder what that Davy Jones guy is playing at... but whatever, that's not something we can figure out by talking about it here. I'm more interested in you and Grell... [He smirked a bit] since you said it's a guy thing to talk about women and all. Is she your girlfriend now?

Wow, rude. You can't just go snooping into someone else's love life.

[It's not like Dave actually minds, though he hates being put on the spot about it. He's awkward when it comes to relationships.]

Whatever you want to call it. We're going steady and everything. We are about as monogamous as Robin Thicke and Paula Patton, except without Blurred Lines, cheating, or the divorce.

[he blinked a few times, his head titling. Whoops...he'd been surprised how close Dave had implied they were before, but apparently they weren't good enough buddies to talk about stuff like that]

Uh...my bad. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. You're right, it was nosy....

[also Dave, as awkward as you are, you're probably not as bad as a shark guy who's only ever had one girlfriend his entire life before coming here. Thash is awkward to the max. But he'd though even hard subjects might be fun to talk about with Dave...oh well]

That's....great to hear though? I dunno who those people are haha but steady's a good thing in my opinion. [yeah...steady without that other stuff of course]

[Thash looks confused. Oh well. That's the price Dave pays for being awesome. Some people just don't get the irony.]

No, it's cool. I was just playing with you, bro.

[And since he doesn't want to explain the references he just made he's just going to keep making weird metaphors.]

We are as steady as a brick house. As committed as Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson were to their comdey routines. She's my forever girl.

Oh, ok... [so he was kidding? Wow, Thash knew he was bad at reading social signals but it's especially hard with Dave. Well, maybe the longer he spends wth him, the better he'll get at it]

[again, he could only laugh and shake his head a bit in clueless amusement at all those names Dave kept throwing out. They must be very famous people where he's from]

Steady and committed forever huh? That's awesome... I'm jealous, heh. Commitment in a relationship is huge for me, I've found. Sometimes I feel like I expect too much, though.

[It can be difficult to tell what Dave means, even for people who've known him his entire life.]

Something like that.

[He doesn't have any idea how long their relationship will last. Most of his haven't lasted very long. Dave cares for Grell a lot more than most of the people he's dated though. He wants it to last.]

What do you expect?

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Time update to the 11th of Aug or so

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