This holiday is dumb and I hate it. I don't wanna do it again.

[all he'd been doing was trying to have fun with the candies but everyone was mad and weird because some dumb ones did dumb things. He still didn't get why it mattered and everything was frustrating so mostly he's just venting his frustration out into the void]

I want the ghost ships to come back instead.

[that had been kinda bad and he'd been a vampire but as long as he didn't bite anyone, it was fine.]

[All he knows when he wakes up is that he has no idea where he is, or how he got there. But there's a book floating just above his face, blocking the most direct rays of the sun, though even those are filtered. Namur moves his head from side to side, getting a good deep breath of air through his gills, then reaches up and takes the weirdass journal from where it somehow managed to defy both the underwater current and gravity in order to shield his eyes. Such a bro, this journal.]

Man I had the hottest dream. After Asami hugged me it was like she sent out some kind a cosmic green light on Fishman Appreciation Week an' suddenly I'm gettin' thronged by human 'maids all over this crazyass island, sheheheh! Deesuko Ballia, that's right. 'Member that now. Think I'm in the harbor... Ahh there was this one 'maid though, shit. [He laughs.] Had this thing for all things blue, if y' catch my drift. Hair an' eyes like the sea when she's calm an' clear on a summer day near a winter island. Had some kind a li'l blue candies or some shit she was poppin' like she hadn't eaten in days. Think she slipped me one cuz I don't 'member anythin' after she uh...

Wait.

Why the hell'm I wearin' fishnet stockin's? Some dumbass thinks they're pretty clever, don't-

[There's a slightly strangled sound, and then:]

WHERE THE HELL'S THE DAMN SHIPS?!?!

[There's a bit of a whine as Roxas opens the journal, which isn't the right one, but never mind that. He starts by writing.]

Too much candy makes you sick. Really sick.

[He realizes what book he wrote that in and he speaks sheepishly.]

Oops, I meant that for my other book.

[He whines a little bit.] My head hurts. A lot. I don't know if I want to eat anymore candy ever.

How do I fix it? Lea!

A’course th’ first thing that I would do when faced wi’ a bowl ‘o strange treats th’ likes ‘o which I had ne’er seen, I’d definitely eat it ri’ off th’ bat. Ye all are a buncha idiots but I can’t help but love ya. I been laughin’ all week. A’fore ye ask, I don’ know where they came from or where they’re goin’ to. So don’ bother me about it. Hain’t got much preamble fer ye otherwise, so let’s start out.

News

The battle betwixt th’ Navy and Three Days Jack has turned into an all out war. He called reinforcements. Dunno where he got ‘em but he got ‘em. Stay away from Corsair. Neither side’ll appreciate ye joinin’ an’ yer liable to get trammled if ye get in the way. Kingdom itself is devastated. Magistrates been routed. Thirty-five people killed in the capital and an entire village razed to th’ ground. They say that Three Days Jack danced on th’ corpses ‘o the villagers to taunt the Navy and it wouldn’ surprise me much. What’s more, he’s been clamin’ one ‘o ye has been helpin’ him. I’m sure that hain’t true. None of ye can be that blindingly stupid—I hope.

Th’ Emperor of Yuezhong has passed away due to old age, most like. Th’ throne to be goin’ to his great nephew who has no great love ‘o pirates but a great love ‘o Redd’s Wine and’ll likely be acceptin’ tribute. So if ye want ta get in good after some ‘o ye lot poked th’ hornet's nest a few months ago, this’ll do it.

Weather

North: Nothin’ but snow. Heaps ‘o it. An’ ice. Sleet. It’ll be rough sailin’ and I’ll doubt ye’ll get much sunshine out ‘o it so enjoy it when ye do.

East: Snow as well but not as much and not so much ice, but it’ll be bitter cold so keep in mind and try not to sleep out on deck least ye not wake up.

West: Still rain. Great possible chance ‘o fledglin’ kraken. Try to watch those swells. Heard we got some fifty footers out there. Smashed Black Clegg’s armada all ta shit and mayhap Clegg himself if yer lucky. If ye hain’t, well, he’s like as not ta be in a mood.

South: Hot, dry, windy an’ full ‘o kraken by this time. Great time for accidentally settin’ things on fire so watch yerself less ye end up on bits ‘o plankin in hungry kraken infested waters.

S’about all I got fer ye. To ye that are new I answer one question a week. One. So don’t be stupid about it and save yer sass fer someone else.