piratejournal | [Voice & Written]

Oo-ooh! Does it look super awesome? I can't wait to try them on!

It's totally gorgeous! Where are you and I'll bring them to you?

I bet it is!

*Randomly thinks of someplace where she might be*

I'm hanging out on the beach, near where the Sun is docked!

Okay, be there in a bit!

[And he'll just fly on over.]

[Be forewarned however, he hasn't slept since getting to this island, and he's even more insane than he sounds.]

*Selphie is sitting on a rock, talking to a bird that had come by, but it flutters away when Marco approaches. She smiles and waves, blissfully unaware of the crazy*

[Have a flower crown.]

[And a ridiculously long red flower bracelet.]

[Now you can be the prettiest of them all!]

[Marco is so proud.]

[SO PROUD.]

*Selphie giggles as she puts the crown on, and wraps the bracelet a couple of times around her wrist. She beams at him and waves a hand*

So how do I look?

[Switches back to human and gives her a giant thumbs up.] Gorgeous.

*Selphie giggles at that, blushing a little*

Then I should wear these all the time!~

Aye.

[Waggles his eyebrows a little.] Trying to catch someone's attention?

*Argh, no, not waggling eyebrows, that just makes her blush*

Huh? What? No. Well... No.

Pity.

[Folds his arms behind his head and lays back in the sand.]

[He's WAY too talkative in this state, but even like this, it's not always easy to get information out of Marco.]

*Though if it's all the same...maybe she will keep the crown and bracelet on in the hopes of a compliment or two. She's still blushing slightly as she watches him lie back*

You like spring a lot, huh?

I loathe it.

[He really does actually.]

I always avoid Spring islands back home, especially in double-spring.

[A sideglance back up at her.] It's a phoenix thing. I think. The renewal and rebirth cycle in overdrive. [He makes a sign to his head.] It affects the senses badly.

[Then lays back down and looks up at the sky with a long sigh.] I've never had it as bad as this island, but I can't explain it. Ace and Thatch are being affected too but not nearly so much so it's hard to get a beat on. [And Ikki's been extra reclusive so... it's difficult to compare.]

Oh.

*She sits close by, pulling her knees up to her chest and admiring her new bracelet*

Oh... But it doesn't..feel good?

*Personally, she can't imagine Ikki caring much about anything*

Ace and Thatch? How come them too?

[He shoots her a seething glare at that question for a second. He didn't mean to, doesn't want to, but how can she think that, how can she--]

[He closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath.]

No.

[Good? It was nearly torture.]

[Another deep breath. Just focusing on that. It's not as bad out of the forest, right on the edges, but there's nothing to distract him here either. Nothing to channel all the usual war. All the life and death pull is just there, humming, buzzing behind his ear. Calling and yet--]

A similar reason to me, but the double spring doesn't bother them.

We are pirates Selphie. We've had to fight just to live. To suddenly live without that is...

[An illusion, a lie. A siren song. A feeling of something incredibly off even while it said in almost Pops' voice that it was the right thing. Peace? What is peace? Thatch and Ace both died in the struggle for life. This was pain and bliss and it was an anathema. A sweet burden.]

Chandra says this place is like the opposite of chaos. Order, community. That part might seem nice.

[Another deep breath.] The life of it is like a pulse. I don't know if anyone else can feel it. The surge. She said it's a wellspring of a type of energy, of mana. But for me, it's like like I can feel everything breathe on this island. The trees, the ducks, the flowers, the tadpoles. The air goes from one to another and back.

That's.... not bad... [Again he takes his own deep breath and opens his eyes to give her a more gentle look.] But until now it wasn't peaceful. It was a war. [He's so serious about it.] Each breath, each thing that needed to breathe had to fight for it, had to try so hard just to have that one breath, to get that one bit of resource just to cling a little longer. And to feel that all now burns and it burns and burns and-- [An even deeper breath and he looks up at the sky, his thoughts racing, and he lets it go again.] And it doesn't burn. And that's confusing. It hurts and it doesn't hurt. It should hurt, and it doesn't. It should be freeing, but it's not, it hurts instead.

All those ducks I gave a bath before, I love them. They're great. It's great. But to clean those ducks I drowned the germs, I removed the mites, and...

[He bites his cheek. He's not going to scare her. To explain the death she can't see, that she can't feel, the undercurrent. Back to Ace.] It's an eat or be eaten world. Our world especially, but this one too. This place is removed from that chaos. It whispers that everyone can be together that no one has to eat each other, that no one has to leave to make room for more, that everything has its time.

But who decides that time? It whispers that somehow everything will just know. But I don't want to know. I don't want that set out. I don't want it the way anyone else decides. I'll take the flowers instead. I'll pick the time. I'll spread the seeds all over so that the others can breathe.

[He puts both hands to his temples and hangs his head.]

[He wants to cry practically in frustration. This place... he hates it. He shouldn't, but he does. It's too much, and he can't accept it, can't accept its existence without everything else to even it. Can't accept it when most of his brothers aren't around to know how Ace and Thatch are still alive, to share in their adventures. He has to make the most of it. And more than everything the constant push and pull for peace and calm is driving him insane.]

This place is maddening. You know how a clock spins around until it comes back to where it started? It is like this one is spinning so fast it is frozen. It's so fast, and I can only watch it, I can't slow it down.

It's like a nightmare I can't wake from.

Please, don't tell Leanne. I am glad she's restoring here, but no, it feels like -- [Like for every birth there's death, and the undercurrent of death is screaming as loudly as the life, screaming to be acknowledged, and yet silenced, so silenced, hidden in silence, but still there, oh yes, there.] a nightmare.

*At first, Selphie immediately understands. After all, if she were without fighting, she's not really sure what she'd have left. Back home, peace means no place to belong to. But as Marco continues, she has to try harder to understand, to try to empathise too, to feel what he's feeling. He's right, in this place, life is everywhere. Even as a human she can really sense the feel of the place, and it's very peaceful, and full of living things.

She moves ever so slightly closer to Marco. She wants to hold him close and let him cry if that's what he needs to do. But if there's anything she's learned in recent months it's that the phoenix is a complicated creature, and she's terrified she might do something to make Marco hate her. As it is, she still struggles with how much Ikki does. So she doesn't hug him, but she moves close, and places a hand warmly on his arm, just listening carefully, her wide eyes showing her concern*

Marco...why don't we get you back on the ship? Take you away from this?

*If peace for Marco is getting away, then she wants him to be as far removed from the island as possible. She nods when he mentions Leanne, and she's not going to whisper a word*

No.

[He gets up and gives her a rough hug, leaning on her a little, not enough to let her collapse, but definitely enough so that she knows he's leaning on her metaphorically as well as physically.] I have to face it. If we ever come up against anything like this again, I won't have time to retreat. Or time at all. So I have to see it all the way through. Every step.

[But he closes his eyes and tightens the hug a little before pulling back and patting her head with a softer grin.]

[It's dizzying to him how he can still grin, but it's all on high speed in cycle. The life, the death, the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the excitement, it's dizzying and he can't control it, so why feel it at all? But to tune it out would be running away, and he's stubborn too.]

And I want you to promise me, you'll still enjoy yourself, okay?

[He gets down into one knee in the sand again, and rests a single hand on her head.] I hadn't gotten to see you smile as much as you were here, and that made me really glad.

[He's dizzy and almost wants to cry again. Frustration that she can't always smile, that life hands her more reasons to be serious than happy, that he and Ikki are also part of that, and he shakes it off, a dull hum. He can handle this, just focus. So long as he doesn't breathe it in so deeply he can hold it out.]

[He pokes her nose playfully.] Enjoy it. Because we might not come back for awhile, eh? [Or ever.]

[He gets back up to his feet and lightly leans on her head thinking briefly of Haruta -- more that push and pull. The inability to forget the past even while running towards the future.] Do that for me and I'll let you understand some things about phoenixes when we go, deal?

*When he hugs her, she's glad, and more than happy to hold him as close as she can. Selphie isn't very sure of what to say, and less sure of what she can do, so perhaps hugging for now will have to be enough. But then he starts talking about her enjoying it, about smiling, and it proves to be all too much for her.

Selphie thinks of these past few months, of what she went through at the hands of that witch, dying and loathing herself in a cell, returning only to find that the person she though loved her was disgusted by her, and she knows that no one has ever hated her as hard as Ikki has. Months of just trying not to be miserable, trying not to hate herself. So he's right, this place has offered her the most peace she has had in a long time.

She nods her head, agreeing that she should maybe just use this opportunity to be happy, but she's choking up herself, and her eyes are glazed with tears. It's only when he pokes at her nose that she finds herself smile, but the threat of crying is still there*

Oh-okay. Just...come find me if you need another hug.

*It's pretty lame, and she knows that, but it's all she can think to say right then, wondering if knowing things about phoenixes is something she is ready for or not. But that can wait, her main concern is that Marco isn't so terrified, or so lost, in this island*

[He laughs weakly, hugs her again and leans his forehead against hers.] Ahhhh don't cry. Or then I'll get started!

You're not supposed to let me drag you down, damn it.

[Dizzied up again. He wanted to protect her and made her cry. It was too much though, just like why he'd been crying before.]

Come on kiddo. [Ruffles her hair.] Okay talk to me.

Oh! No! It's good crying! I think. It's so good...to know that there's someone who cares, who actually notices when I'm happy.

*She gives a wobbly smile, but there's obvious truth in what she said*

And you're not dragging me down. I'm just..sorry that I can't do more for you..

*Selphie takes a small breath before giving him a quick cuddle, smiling a bit more when he ruffles her hair*

I'm okay.

[He switches a single arm into a blue flaming wing (no burning of course, but a few sparkles he can't control as easily as he acts) and lightly pats her head with it.]

I assure you, we all notice. Always.

[He means Ikki too, even if he's not gonna say it.]

*Selphie rests her head against Marco for a moment before sitting up, looking at him with a big smile*

I know you're hating this place right now, so it's so sweet of you to look out for me.

If it helps...I notice you too!

[Ruffles her head.]

[It doesn't help. If anything, that he's so messed up right now that people are able to notice it is another problem in and of itself, and one he'll need to deal with later. But he can't tell her that.]

I normally don't like to let certain things show.

Ikki is the same way you know.

It is how we protect others. [And maybe themselves, he's not sure.]

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