piratejournal | [audio - written] Selphie's Sad Times

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[audio - written] Selphie's Sad Times

*The journal starts off first with a breath, like someone is about to say something really important, but difficult to say. But instead of words, there's just a soft, slow sigh. Talking about this really isn't going to be easy, so she promptly decides to write things down instead. She writes very carefully, not committing to putting the words down until she's got them straight in her head, which is unusual for Selphie*

My whole life, I've never known my parents. They died when I was very young, it seemed, and recently I've gained back some memories of the orphanage I used to live in. I didn't know what they looked like, what they did, what kind of people they were. In a way, I think I accepted that. I was never adopted, and I was sent to live at a military school. That, for me, was always that. Of course I wondered. Of course I imagined they'd come back. But what I never imagined, was meeting someone here who does have memories of my parents.

These past couple of months, it's like my whole world has been flipped upside down, and I'm not even in my home world. Since the new year, one thing after another, and another. Sometimes it's just hard to know what to think anymore. It's not just this place, but the people too. I've always been a think-on-your-feet, live-in-the-moment type girl, but until recently, I don't think I ever really appreciated just how quickly everything can completely change, swept from beneath your feet, dumped on you from a great height.

Now that I've written this much, I'm not really sure what it is I wanted to say. I suppose, just that, even though this world isn't home, there's no underestimating what might happen, and how the people we meet here might affect us.

Just keep happy, everyone.

Just keep doing the things that make you smile.

*Then the journal entry finishes. There's not the usual signing of her name, not the usual message of love and peace, nor a scribbled love heart, or a smiley face. But she does go back to underline that last line, if even for her own sake than anyone else's*

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*Selphie glances at them and colours slightly, feeling quite a bit of an idiot. She shrugs a shoulder and moves out the way. He can probably make out a couple of titles of the romance paperbacks she's put in there*

Oh, I'm finished with them. And they're not very good so, it's not like I think anyone would wanna borrow them.

[He takes one out, remembering this one. She was reading it while they were in the boat together. Aya looks to her curiously. It seemed like people were interested before...]

Have you asked if someone wants to have them, yet?

*Selphie slowly shakes her head and sits herself down on a chair, picking up a cushion and hugging it to herself*

No... You can take them, if you like. I don't know if...they're really your thing though?

They're not my thing, but I'll find them a better home with someone else. [So he goes to take them out and stacks them onto a flat surface.]

Does this mean you're giving up on romance? [Because what else could it mean?]

Okay, sure. I guess, that's better than just throwing them away.

*She smiles slightly, though it fades with his question, and she pulls that cushion a little bit closer to herself*

I...don't know. At least, it's not what I want to be filling my head with. It's just not -

*Selphie pauses, looking at Aya carefully before glancing away*

Things never work out like they do in books, do they?

[Aya sits across from her on the bed, shrugging.]

I never read much into romance novels. They're only an example, though, of how romance could be.

Hmm...

*Selphie glances at the books again, aware that they more or less are the only examples of romance that she knows*

Riku told me, before, that my dad was really romantic. He always brought flowers for my mom, because they made her smile. And he threw this huge party for their anniversary on the beach, with fireworks.

*She smiles at the thought, though it's still slightly disconnected, like she isn't really talking about her own parents*

How about you, Aya? You got more examples of how romance can be?

[Aya smiles at the imagery.]

My parents are probably the best examples I have. They loved each other, even when my father was too busy with work some days. Him bringing flowers home sounds pretty nostalgic. So I guess...romance is something like that. [Flowers, smiles, making time and effort. It's been a while since he was in a relationship.]

I think romance books are just there to help fill in the blanks.

[He's wondering if Riku and Selphie have met before coming to this place, or if he just knew of her parents.]

Yeah... Riku thinks that's where I got it from - all these...ideas about romance. *And she tries not to sound too bitter about it* I don't remember it but, apparently I've been interested in romance stories ever since I was a little girl.

*Still, she shrugs her shoulders and gives a sigh*

The books, though... I don't think I need them right now.

*Or, more to the point, she didn't want them. She's pretty sure there are no hints and tips in there that will benefit her anytime soon*

My sister probably read romance comics for girls. I think all girls have, really, so I'm not surprised you were interested in them from such a young age.

[He never paid much attention to what she read, but most books come covered from the bookstore, so it's hard to tell what Aya-chan was reading in the first place.]

Finding romance is hard, especially now. You're probably not the only one having a hard time with it. [There are a lot of uncertainties in this world, and sometimes even he isn't sure he's willing to take such a chance on romance.] So don't count yourself out of the race, just yet. I thought you were more stubborn than that. [He's teasing a bit, giving Selphie a faint smile.]

*Selphie smiles at the mention of his sister and she nods, understanding. As for being out if the race, Selphie is at the stage now where she definitely feels as though she doesn't even qualify. Still, she gives a big smile in reply*

Oh don't you worry, I don't plan on giving up just yet!

Though...you can't be saying that you're having difficulty finding romance, surely?

*Of course, he hadn't said that he was talking about himself, but she takes it that way*

[Aya shrugs at her question, folding his hands together and leaning on his elbows while resting his chin on the folded hands.]

I've never really thought myself as the romantic type. Not to mention, I was too busy to really think about that.

[Even if he was searching now, he isn't sure if anyone could deal with the baggage he carries, or even if he could still deal with it.]

*Selphie watches him carefully, and smiles, quite amused*

I'd say that roses on Valentine's Day is a pretty good start. If you can do that just for a friend, I bet you could come up with all sorts for someone you really liked.

*Not to mention a certain candy kiss - if he kissed like that against his will, then she could only wonder what it'd be like if he had really wanted to do it. Quickly, she lowers her eyes, and speaks in quite a business like manner*

Well, you must have a lot more time for things like that now. And I've pointed out before just how many pretty girls there are. And there's more even, not on our crew. So, if you need me to make any arrangements just let me know.

I was a florist, so I should know what women like when it comes to flowers.

[Kisses are something he does with seriousness, since it doesn't happen often. Aya looks to her, raising an eyebrow.]

You don't have to play matchmaker for me. [The idea of someone recommending someone he hardly knew and expecting a positive outcome doesn't sit right with him.]

A sword wielding florist?

*Sorry, Aya, that is too adorable, and Selphie gives a delighted giggle at the thought*

Well, that'll help big time for romance! That must be really nice, to be given flowers, and especially from someone who knows which ones to choose!

*Those roses were beautiful, but also the first gift of flowers she'd ever had, so he probably could've given her dandelions and she'd be pleased. She glances up again at his statement.Usually guys were excited to be introduced to her pretty single friends*

No. Right, of course. I guess you can do that for yourself..

Now, who would suspect a florist of having a sword? [It was the best cover for an assassin.

I could, but I'm not all that confident that I should even bother. [Sure, his life here is vastly different than back in Japan, with not having his sister in danger (as far as he knew), but he couldn't shake the feeling that romance isn't in the cards for him.]

That's a very good point! *She smiles broadly at the thought of such a disguise and nods - it was a pretty good disguise*

Hm, really? Well, why not? I mean, no one really knows how long we're all gonna be out here but ...think of all the time we've been here and already you could be deep in a beautiful romance!

*The whole people disappearing reason was the only one she could think of. At least, she was quite sure he didn't have an ex nearby that had crippled his selfesteem or anything*

[Aya gives her awry smile before sitting up properly.]

What makes you so sure I could have been in one by now? [He's genuinely curious.]

Well, why not? There's been plenty of chances for meeting people, with parties and dancing and stuff. You could have found a girl, and wooed her through all the romantic holidays. They're all done now, though - keeping cosy and giving gifts at Christmas, enjoying the fireworks and dancing at New Year, using up all the candy and treating her on Valentine's...

*Despite her situation, Selphie hadn't taken part in any of the things she's just mentioned*

If I only stuck with the romantic holidays, I'd be single in no time. [Aya chuckled lightly before shrugging.] Sometimes I think I'm sure I'm better off as is.

[And sometimes he does wonder if he could ever live a normal life again.]

*Selphie thinks about this carefully, her nose wrinkling ever so slightly in thought. Then she shakes her head*

Nah... if you think about it, every time of year could be romantic. Like sunshine and flowers in spring, that must be soon. Then when it's summer, you can take her for picnics and walks on the beach.

*She laughs at herself a moment, then offers Aya a warm smile*

Why don't you at least give it a try, see if maybe you do prefer to have a little romance in your life? Like, if you see a beautiful lady, then talk to her some. Or tell a really cute girl that she's cute! Or..go crazy and kiss a girl you really like! Maybe once you've given it a try, you'll at least know for sure if that's what you want.

Edited 2014-03-09 12:34 (UTC)

[Now he wishes that he thought of picnics when he was younger. That was a great idea.] Those are all very good options.

Talk to her? You mean like what we're doing now? [He's not sure he could do the rest of her suggestions, though.] The last time I kissed a girl, it wasn't planned, and I don't think it ended well. [No thanks to certain candies.]

*Pleased with her advice giving, she smiles and nods*

Well, yeah, just like we're doing now! But you could take her out for dinner to talk to her sometime too, maybe, cause that must be nice, and a bit more special. Maybe don't talk to her about trying to woo other girls though..

*She tilts her head and puts her concerned listening face on. Ignoring the fact that she is thinking he kissed someone after he kissed her*

Why? What happened?

[Aya laughs a bit at her last statement.] No, I don't think she'd like being considered a tally mark.

[He runs a hand through his hair.]

She didn't seem to want to be kissed, probably because she was seeing someone else at the time. [Even though said girl kissed him back a bit. But that could just be his imagination.]

*Selphie smiles at that and shakes her head*

Nopes! Not a good idea, especially if she's the jealous type.

*She pulls her large chocobo plush onto her knee, fingers playing anxiously with its talons. She has a sinking feeling that he's talking about her, and keeps staring down at the yellow bird*

I think... she probably did want to be kissed but - she was scared and...confused. That would.. be my guess.

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I can type, I swear ^^;;;;

I'm no longer convinced. :|

i dunnndi blame yooo

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