piratejournal | [003 || Written]

[There's a looong pause as Riku just taps his pencil against the journal. He wonders if Selphie knows about them, and kind of figures she does. But he's starting to realize that he really didn't tell like...anyone. Except Sora. Then again, he's not really a 'make an announcement' kind of guy, he just assumed most people would notice eventually.

He sighs, then makes himself write.]

I broke up with him.

*There's an equally long pause as Selphie considers how ro reply. She knows that Natsuno must be feeling as miserable as she is right now. In the end she just writes one word*

Why?

It's complicated.

[The lamest of all lame responses. He frowns.]

I can't just write it all out.

*Nor would she expect him too. Anyone could be reading this, after all*

I understand.

[Another pause and more pencil tapping.]

...But if you wanted to talk about anything on your end, too—

[There's something else written, but he crosses it out.]

I don't want to just unload on you.

My door's open, though. Even if you just want company.

*Selphie frowns a little at the scribbled our part, wondering what it had said*

Unloading is okay. I just - it depends. I don't know how much talk about break ups I can handle right now.

*Normally she'd be straight there to talk things through, but trying to deal with her own heartache is the reason she's there in the first place*

Right, of course. That makes sense. Sorry.

[Heaves a sigh and flops onto his back in his hammock. His handwriting might get a little sloppy with the change in position.]

I don't know if I did the right thing. But that's on me, I guess.

*Despite how she feels, Selphie isn't one for putting herself first, so she can ignore that for awhile*

Okay. I can come meet you in your room if you like.

*Conversations like this shouldn't happen over the journal after all*

Only if you want. Honestly, you're going through a rough time right now, too, I don't want to just throw all my crap at you on top of that.

[Though having someone else's thoughts on the whole thing might not be a bad thing.]

BRB

*Given that she doesn't live on the Moon, she doesn't know which room is Riku's, but she wanders along anyway and will hopefully find it soon. She'll call out his name if she still can't find him*

[He thinks of that after a moment, so he tosses his journal aside and gets up to go open the door and lean out into the hallway, looking for her.]

Selphie! This one.

*Spotting Riku, Selphie gives him a tiny wave before heading over to his room*

Hey.

Hi.

[Steps back to let her in, then shuts the door behind her. He goes and drops back down onto his hammock.]

Uh, feel free to sit wherever. Here or Sora's.

[Gestures at the other hammock in the room.]

*She carefully sits down on Sora's hammock and looks across at Riku like she's ready to listen*

Okay. So what's going on?

Um.

[Wheeeere to begin...]

Okay. So. A few days ago, when all those weird candies were everywhere, I might've...kissed Sora.

*She nods, and gives an understanding look*

But that was different. That was the candy. Yuuki will understand that.

[Shakes his head.]

No. That was the problem. Sora had some, but I didn't know that. I thought he was just...

[Spreads his hands a little, giving a small shrug.]

So I kissed him back. And then even after he told me, I...did it again.

Oh...

*Selphie nods again, better understanding the situation now. She doesn't show it, but she's a little surprised to hear that Riku feels that way about Sora*

And Sora? How did he..reciprocate?

*Because if this was a final admission of feelings from both of them, that would be one thing. If it wasn't, then that was another*

He...kissed back. Kind of. It was—brief. I remembered Natsuno, and. I dunno. It was confusing, too.

[Lets out a light groan and leans back against the wall, pulling his knees up.]

The thing is, with Sora, I...

[He takes a breath. Outside of Natsuno, which was a complicated conversation in and of itself, this is the first time he's talked about this with anyone. And saying things out loud is scary somehow. He can pretend he doesn't have these feelings if he keeps them buried inside.]

I didn't think the way I felt would ever be a problem. Or even come up. I figured it was this one-sided thing and I'd be better off forgetting about it. That's why I could be with Natsuno, and—and he made it easier not to think about Sora anyway. I mean, that's not why I was with him, don't get me wrong, I liked him. I still do. But it did help.

So, have you and Sora spoken about this? Or have you decided your feelings for Sora are..different to what you have with Yuuki?

*Having never been in this predicament before, she's asking questions only to see if she can help Riku figure out where he stands*

Not yet. Not since it happened. I wanted to talk to Natsuno first. But...we know we need to talk about it, but I think neither of us knows how to. Everything's all weird now.

[Rubs the back of his neck.]

But how I feel about him has always been different than what I had with Natsuno.

Hmm... Talking with either of them is probably more useful than talking to me.

*Though she doesn't say it unkindly*

How so? Different? Or one stronger than the other?

I already talked to Natsuno... [And broke up with him.] I'll...get around to it. With Sora.

[Lets out a breath.]

Well, yeah, stronger, but not— He's my best friend. [He's starting to sound like a broken record with this, seriously.] I've known him my whole life, he's just. He's Sora. It was always going to be different, but it wasn't supposed to be a competition. That's what Natsuno said, that he didn't think he could compete with Sora, and...

[Thunks his head back against the wall.]

...Maybe he can't. I don't know. But I didn't think it was fair to stay with him when I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I guess that's what I'm asking you. Do you think it was the right move?

I guess because - Natsuno obviously really cares about you, a lot. And I suppose he figured he had you, all to himself, and he didn't need to worry about anyone else. But turns out...that's not the case. Some of that must be a bit of a shock.

*Selphie frowns a little as she watches that head thunk, and she gets up to go sit beside him on his hammock*

I can't be sure what is the right move, or the best move. I get where you're coming from though... But I've never felt that way, or been in Yuuki's position either. Maybe it is fairer for you, and everyone, that you really figure out what you really want, and be honest with yourself...

He does... More than I realized, I think. I was kind of surprised.

[Drags his hands over his face.]

He asked me recently if I liked Sora. And if I wanted to be with him. I told him no, basically said it wasn't a thing that was even in the realm of possibility so whatever I felt for Sora didn't matter. Then this happens. I feel like such a jerk, but it turns out being honest with yourself isn't as easy as it sounds. I know I need to figure it out, though.

[Turns his head to look at Selphie.]

Anyway, that's my sob story. Thanks for listening.

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