[Joker, being the paragon of professionalism that he is, has taken Garrus Vakarian's book. There was only one thing that he could possibly do with it: pretend to be Garrus and say horrible, hideous shit to everyone, ever.]

[You're welcome.]

I'm Garrus Vakarian and this is your favorite raptor johnson on the Citadel.

[It's really hard for him to, y'know, not laugh while he's writing this.]

Some people call me Archangel; all-around turian bad boy and dispenser of extensive lessons in cross-species diplomacy, if you get my drift. I also calibrate cannons on the side, so if anybody needs a little calibrating, I'm very good with a weapon. I always like to savor the last shot before popping the heat sink. If not, we could always test my reach and your flexibility.

Think about it.

[[ooc: All responses and this post will appear to be coming from Garrus Vakarian, the poor bastard.]]