piratejournal | [voice]

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[With the onset of what seems to be an unusual cold snap, Hubert's betting on people being stuck inside with their journals for company and nothing much else to do besides trying to get warm. So he picks up his own journal to issue a plea for help:]

Does anyone know how to get someone's tongue unstuck from a frozen pole?

[The question is punctuated by incoherently dismayed mumblings in the background. Someone coughAsbelcough got bored enough to get himself into a bit of trouble and now Hubert has to figure out how to get him out of it. And so it goes.]

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Cah uhn Hahla guh la ahn ah eah!!

[This is so uncool! So stupid! So...embarrassing!! He'd been curious about the frosty designs covering the pole and had decided to get up close and personal to investigate. And he'd heard somewhere you could eat snow and it'd be all right, and well, ice was close enough! Boy, was he wrong about that!]

[It's like the pole just won't let him go! When he tries to struggle or pull away, it HURTS! Dammit, it hurts! So here he is, trying to play this off and not panic or (Gloandi forbid!) start whining and crying but really. He just wants out of here! He will never, ever, EVER try to lick a pole again...]

[Okay, Asbel, stay cool. Stayyy cool.]

[...Cool isn't the problem. It's freezing out here!]

[Meanwhile, Hubert is huddled near Asbel for warmth. He'd found out via journal-stalking that interpersonal contact would ward off the chill -- as if he needed more of a reason to stick close to his brother.

But...it seemed like the chill was starting to return regardless of how close he stayed by Asbel or how long...]

Sorry, Asbel. I'm sure someone'll reply soon so we can get you free.

[He would've asked one of the grown-ups but...they'd seemed busy with something the last that Hubert checked.]

Mwel nel din du hally uf abow et! Ay hant theel my plung anymorr!

[Asbel wants to flail around in frustration. But he can't do much of anything except screw up his face, groan, and try to hold still - and staying still is nearly impossible. So he's fidgeting a whole lot. Except that hurts too, whenever he moves around too much.]

[Come on, someone, please! Get him out of here! And quit suggesting things like cutting his tongue off! He doesn't want to be silenced for the rest of his life!!]

[Wow, can you imagine Asbel being mute for most of the game? That would've been fantastic. No friendship speeches ever.

OKAY NO I'M JUST KIDDING ON THAT

Anyway, once someone reasonable suggests warm water, Hubert abandons Asbel momentarily to go fetch that from below deck. Well, by "momentarily" I mean "for a few minutes," which probably lasts like forever for Asbel.

But anyway, eventually Hubert comes back up with a steaming cup of water, cooled down from boiling temps with some snow collected from the ship's railings (look, he was desperate, okay? HUBERT DOESN'T WANT TO BURN ASBEL'S TONGUE OFF).]

Stay still, okay? This might be kind of messy.

[Cue Hubert peering in close trying to figure out how to best pour the water with minimum mess.]

[Rude.]

[As we were saying, it lasts LIKE FOREVER. It's cold and he's stuck and now he's standing around with only the pole for company. It'd almost be worth it to just deal with the pain and yank himself free. Well...almost. But he'll wait. And you'd better prepare yourself, pole! Because once he's unstuck, he's going to get his revenge on you!]

[After what seems like an eternity, Asbel hears Hubert returning, and then there he is doing the whole kid genius "figuring" thing Asbel's never been able to understand completely. At the instruction, Asbel cuts Hubert a look. Yeah, like he's going to be going anywhere; he's stuck, remember? But he does make an effort to quit squirming around for a few minutes. He could also care less about making a mess if it means his freedom. Not that messes have ever been a problem for him anyway - everyone else is a different story.]

[Sigh.] E'ermine. Uss duit.

[Hubert nods. He lifts the mug and then slowly, slowly begins tilting it, fingers supporting the mug on the bottom-facing side for maximum control.

But, well. You know how sometimes containers do that annoying thing when you try to carefully pour shit from them but instead of pouring into wherever you want that shit poured into, it just runs down the side because fuck you, it does what it wants?

Yeah.

Fortunately for Hubert (and Asbel, I guess), the water isn't scalding. Unfortunately, it's warm enough to scare Hubert when it splashes over his cold-cursed fingers, causing him to yelp and drop the cup. At least it's a wooden cup, so it doesn't shatter, but it does splash water all around. Hopefully Hubert managed to get enough drops on Asbel's tongue to let him start working his way free, because otherwise...]

[~~I could make a bad joke here, but I won't.~~]

[Hubert put a whole lot of thought into this. Certainly more than his foolish big brother when he decided to find out what frost tastes like. Asbel jumps when he hears Hubert yelp, water splashing down the front of his shirt.]

[So fortunately, at least a little of the water did the trick, unfortunately, Asbel completely forgot about the pole in that split second. For all Hubert's careful efforts up until now, Asbel's hard-earned freedom is anything but careful. The elder brother yanks away, shouting a curse he definitely didn't learn from Hubert, and stumbles a few feet to land on his behind.]

Ow! [He clamps a hand over his mouth. Dear Gloandi the pole ripped his tongue right off!! ...Except he can still feel it in his mouth, too, so that can't have happened at all.]

[~~Pffffft.~~]

Asbel! [Hubert crouches down beside him, worried.] Are you okay?

[Asbel rolls his eyes and drops his hand, answering once he thinks he can do so without whimpering like some kind of wuss. He's way stronger than that.] Yeah... I'm fine...

[He may or may not be sulking.]

[U mad, bro?]

S-sorry. I tried to be careful...

[He's not mad, he's just...frustrated!]

Aww... Don't worry, Hubert. It's not like any of this was your fault. [Picking himself back up slowly, Asbel shoots a glare at the pole.]

I guess I should've listened when you said it was a bad idea.

[...Still glaring at the pole.]

[HE TOLD YOU SO! HE TOLD YOU SO!

Okay, no, Hubert's not that much of a jerk ~~yet~~. He might be thinking something like that, but he knows better than to voice it.]

Well, I'm glad you're all right. [He gets to his feet again and extends a hand to Asbel to help him up.] Let's go back inside to get warm, okay?

Yeah. Can't argue with that.

[Asbel doesn't need the help or anything, but he'll take Hubert's hand and pull himself the rest of the way up. Maybe it'll make his brother feel better after spilling water all over the place. But this isn't over! Asbel turns his attention back to the pole and levels his eyes.]

Just you wait, pole. I'm not finished with you! Someday I'll make you regret what you did.

[And behind Asbel's back, Hubert just shakes his head and sighs.

]

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