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[Voice]

All Shepherds, meet on deck for tea time and discussions.

Keimi check in as soon as you can.

And yes, we're getting low on coffee, and cigars. I'll survive, [No, he won't.] but I still refuse to switch to tea.

For all you pirates out there, what did you lot do before you came here? Occupations, careers, whatever. I need to know what freedom you're fighting for, let's just say.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What.

I'm a Vice Admiral.

Don't call me baby anything, it's creepy.

Oh ho. Excuse me, bitty vice admiral. I didn't mean to step on your coat tails there. You'll be the next Akainu in no time. Well, only with the tendency to sting when you get in people's eyes.

Tell me, do you often creep around in saunas?

I will never be like Sakazuki.

[Big button.]

[As for saunas...] What?

[he can respect that actually so he'll cut you a break]

Because of the steam, sweetheart. You could get pretty inventive with powers like that.

[You're...]

[Weird.]

[And confusing.]

[Are you hitting on him?]

[No wait, that's insane. And impossible. And even if it was the case, he refuses to believe it for the sake of his sanity.]

I can, and have, but I don't use it to -- Not for -- [Well, he can't say "that kind of thing" because he's not entirely sure Thatch means what Smoker thinks he means, or whether he's just purposely trying to get Smoker to say something incredibly stupid.] I do what I want with it.

[........]

[Shut up.]

[He knows that came out badly.]

[Just shut up. Grr. Stupid pirates. He hates you all.]

Ohh so you could use it to creep on women's saunas and they wouldn't even know it or better yet-- [he smacks his palms together] Hot springs. You sly dog. Can't say I don't envy it.

[You're ticking him off again.]

[If he says he's not that kind of a man, it comes off super gay and/or disinterested in women. On the other hand, he's not like you. Stupid pirate.]

I'm not like you.

I wouldn't do anything to a woman she doesn't know about. [Contemptuous "hahah screw you" tone.] And I have better better uses for it than your limited imagination has come up with so far.

She wouldn't know about it even if you did I'm sure. [he disregards the other part of it because if you flat out ignore an insult it loses power. Something you should learn young grasshopper.] I hear they make a pill for that.

You're an idiot, and I'm not going to explain myself to the likes of you. [Because even if he does explain that he can totally make women quite happy thank you, that is crass and he is too cool for that. Okay okay.]

A pill for what?

I already know you, poppet. And the word you're looking for is sexual dysfunction. It's okay. It happens. Usually to tight fisted Marines. Better loosen those pants once in a while, mate. It'll do you a world of good.

Well... [pause for effect] Probably.

You should stop staring at marines' pants. I can't imagine it'd be good for your health.

Ohh [laugh] Very nice. You get a point for that. That's you, one and me...oh about a billion. Got anything else?

[>:| >:| >:|]

[GRR.]

[More flustered flushing.]

[Don't just give yourself a billion!!]

[And he's totally not childish enough to care about the score for something this stupid.]

[Grr.]

[Grrr.]

[....]

[He's also out of comebacks.]

[If he brings it back to his devil fruit or women or anything of the sort it's just all kinds of bad.]

[So many kinds.]

[And as much as he is a GIANT jerkoff, he's nowhere mean enough to insinuate that Thatch is dead etc.]

[He kind of wants to make a crack about Sakazuki......... but that is so very very very very gross that he feels ill even thinking about it.]

I score better where it counts. [With the ladies.]

[Okay, it's not a good retort, but it's the best he can do right now.]

[clicks his tongue] We already had the round about your lackluster performance in the bedroom. You're starting to become boring, honey bee. Come on. Can't a vice admiral think on his feet and come up with something a little more entertaining? Or are you just good at cracking heads?

Just because I have a better sense of decorum than--

It's not--

[Rubs the bridge between his eyes.]

[He's going to regret this.]

Funny, that's what your Mom said last night.

[SORRY HE HAD TO.]

She said...what exactly? [no seriously. He's confused. Which part of what he said fit into a your mom scenario? Though in terms of those kinds of jokes, for all he knew she did and got paid very well for it, too. He'd be damned proud of her-- if he knew who the hell she was]

[He was referring to cracking her head on a headboard but you know....]

[It really wasn't worth defending.]

Does it matter?

[Exactly.]

It does for the sake of the insult. Listen, rookie, the whole purpose is flow and confidence. If you make an insult you stand behind it a hundred percent so you don't look like a limp noodle if it flops, you catch me?

Now if I, for example, say, your mother is a harbor since she's had so many sailors in her-- good insult, poor delivery, but the point is I say it without backing down from it and then try to figure a way to refine it into a joke that would make Sengoku himself inhale his beard. You follow?

Don't explain your Mom jokes when you can't even grasp that I was saying her conversation wouldn't matter. Her mouth was being put to other uses. Get it yet?

Fuck, I can't believe I let myself stoop this low to a farce of a conversation. I need to find more books to read. Or resign myself to a new hobby.

You're making me miss trading barbs with Crocodile of all people. Can we just concede the last few months here sucked worse than your Mom?

Now that's an insult. She probably sucked pretty damn well thank you very much. And much better than you do. Crocodile should know.

[second lesson, if you misunderstand an insult, never let on and divert your opponent with an even greater insult]

How did you get the sand out of your teeth?

[GAGS.]

[Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.]

You win.

Just shut up. That's revolting. I never want to think of anything in this context ever again. [Excuse him, he needs to go throw up now.]

It was a sour victory because now I think I'm picturing it. Not a pretty sight. It was a game well fought and I look to play again. [he salutes you. mentally anyway]

No. Never again.

I'll stick with dealing with your baby brother. At least he's funnier and less fucked in the head.

Well if you must run with your little tail between your legs, do so. I'll go drown my sorrows with wine and women.

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