[大谷 吉継] Ōtani Yoshitsugu (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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piratejournal2015-02-17 09:36 pm
twinkletwinklelittlestar) wrote in piratejournal2015-02-17 09:36 pm
Entry tags:
☄ written (and/or action, if you so desire)
[It has taken nearly a week, but Yoshitsugu's hopes that all of this is nothing but an unwelcome dream have dwindled. He's kept mostly to himself, making the hostel his temporary home and leaving only a handful of times, unsure of what to do, but disorientation has given way to anger now (and a sense of personal loss, though he knows not why). Everything he worked for--his dream--had come to fruition, only for it to be taken from him in the blink of an eye. He is through with being idle.
There is proof enough that the journal is more than just that, so in script that is as beautiful in spite of a trembling hand, he writes:]
I've no doubt this has been asked before, but is there any reason to believe this mysterious gem that supposedly grants wishes actually exists? If it is indeed real, I find it quite difficult to believe it comes without a price. To be told that it's possible to accomplish whatever you like simply by making a wish would arouse suspicion in even the greatest of fools, one would think. Surely there's more to it if people are actually looking for it.
[It's not like him to express anything that resembles his actual thoughts, but until he gets his footing here, he'll have to from time to time. Not that he intends to be here long enough to become established to any degree, but he gets the impression that may be out of his hands.]
I'd also like to know if I'm wrong to assume that there's little hope of returning home through any other means. I have some important business I must get back to. I'd rather not dally unnecessarily.
[ooc: yoshitsugu can be found wandering around town for a while trying to put things together if you'd rather do action! an especially observant person might get the impression that there are some intense, possibly conflicted emotions lurking beneath the surface at the moment. otherwise, he'll come off relatively calm and put together.]
There is proof enough that the journal is more than just that, so in script that is as beautiful in spite of a trembling hand, he writes:]
I've no doubt this has been asked before, but is there any reason to believe this mysterious gem that supposedly grants wishes actually exists? If it is indeed real, I find it quite difficult to believe it comes without a price. To be told that it's possible to accomplish whatever you like simply by making a wish would arouse suspicion in even the greatest of fools, one would think. Surely there's more to it if people are actually looking for it.
[It's not like him to express anything that resembles his actual thoughts, but until he gets his footing here, he'll have to from time to time. Not that he intends to be here long enough to become established to any degree, but he gets the impression that may be out of his hands.]
I'd also like to know if I'm wrong to assume that there's little hope of returning home through any other means. I have some important business I must get back to. I'd rather not dally unnecessarily.
[ooc: yoshitsugu can be found wandering around town for a while trying to put things together if you'd rather do action! an especially observant person might get the impression that there are some intense, possibly conflicted emotions lurking beneath the surface at the moment. otherwise, he'll come off relatively calm and put together.]
[voice]
[There is not a trace of doubt in his voice.
Spend enough time in a place like this and the impossible becomes plausible. Like magic gems and impermanent death and little mechanical birds that can convey the final words of those who have died, alternate worlds with alternate selves went from something he could not ever conceive of to something that was, while difficult to understand, a fact of reality all the same.
It's the possibility of reaching another world and another time that has pushed Mitsunari forward ever since he arrived, and kept him from collapsing beneath the impossibility of satisfying his revenge so long as he remains here.
A world where Ieyasu's betrayal is foiled and Hideyoshi lives...
He was never able to so much as dream of anything like that back home. Its impossibility made it too painful. The only dream filling his mind was the vindictive vision of Ieyasu lying dead, defeated, and abandoned in a pool of his own blood.
These days there's more than just vengeance occupying his mind and he's still not really used to it. He's capable of feeling hope once again, and --
And right now Mitsunari is reminded how ridiculous it is to acknowledge hope's willingness to betray you, only to allow it to get close enough it could deliver a critical blow if it wished.
He is a fool. He knows it.
He can't help it.]
If you understand... you know why I hesitate to trust you.
[voice]
The clarity it grants him is as much a curse as it is a blessing. He's suddenly overrun with self-doubt, with questions, with things that do not belong to him. His mind becomes an echo chamber for voices that ask the reason for something that does not exist. Maybe clarity isn't the right word for this.
Maybe it's just different.
Maybe it's just that this one isn't as bright, isn't as distracting, and even if that isn't much, it does give Yoshitsugu some room to think. He just needs to keep going with this, force these sensations out of him, do his work. Do what he does best. Lie.
His voice is a flawless imitation of a man who is small and broken and void of understanding. A man who is lost. (A man not so different from the real thing.)]
I do, Mitsunari, but you must also understand that I cannot conceive of a reason I would do such a thing. Is Chousokabe absolutely certain I was involved? Perhaps he is somehow mistaken.
[voice]
[That thought is sudden and horrifying enough that he needs a moment to digest it. The way Gyoubu sounds does not help matters any. Mitsunari has always been a man devoid of pity, but that kind of broken voice should not be coming from Gyoubu. Anyone but Gyoubu.]
Motochika... has not one shred of uncertainty.
[The fact remains that he has never seen Motochika have even the slightest instance of doubt regarding Gyoubu and Motonari's involvement.
He doesn't recall the more specific details of their first conversation about it, but some key things he remembers.]
...He said... he came to Osaka Castle himself.
He spoke with you.
[Mitsunari had asked about that, back then. He'd been worried, wanting to know what had become of Gyoubu after that meeting.
He found out, of course.
It wasn't what he'd wanted to hear.
The truth is still better than a lie, no matter how ugly that truth may be.]
...I do not know... what you spoke of.
[He only knows that the exchange must have gone fairly differently from the conversation that lead to the other Mitsunari's absolution.]
[voice]
He has half a mind to hunt him down and put an end to him before he can open his mouth again, but there's little that would arouse more suspicion than Chousokabe coming to a sudden end just as Yoshitsugu arrives.
What does he do, then? Speak with him? Even if he's able to con the mongrel into believing he was uninvolved in his version of reality, Yoshitsugu won't be able to change his perception of him (no matter how much an imbecile he is). Whatever was said, there's no doubt in his mind that he revealed his true colors. Chousokabe knows what he is, and Mitsunari trusts him.
Navigating this without faltering may prove to be one of the most difficult things he's done in his lifetime. Perhaps all he can do is somehow make Chousokabe believe he has redeeming qualities. To him, the idea is absurd--it'd make him laugh under different circumstances--but maybe Chousokabe is the sort of man who could put his rage aside if he were to see something worth salvaging in a guiltless version of him. Maybe if Mitsunari asked he be given a chance? He has his doubts.
(Maybe if he saw what Yoshitsugu has hidden from himself, a voice whispers in the back of his mind, but it sounds too much like Tokugawa to possess any worth.)
--But attainable or not, it's all the more reason to keep going.]
I cannot imagine committing the crime, much less the conversation that would lead to my execution.
[And again, he sounds lost.]
Do you believe he'd speak with me? I know what he must think of me, but... I need to understand what took place.
[voice]
[In other, more tactful words, he's not sure. Mitsunari has heard for himself precisely what Motochika thinks of Gyoubu and knows that dialog between them, never mind civil dialog, may very well be asking for the impossible.
But now that Gyoubu has suggested it... he wants Motochika speak with him, to at least try, just as Mitsunari himself is doing now. As long as the possibility exists that this Gyoubu is the same man he trusted so deeply, he believes they cannot simply write him off.
It's a rarity for Mitsunari to champion the idea of communication over sending apparent traitors to their bloody and brutal deaths. These are not ordinary circumstances.]
...Try.
If he does not permit it...
[What can he do? What does he have the right to do? He can't blame Motochika if it turns out he'd rather not hear a word out of Gyoubu.]
...I will speak with him.
[There is a short pause, and then he adds:]
Do not take this to mean that I believe in your innocence.
[voice]
...Why are things always different with Mitsunari?
Yoshitsugu nearly spits something out--some disgusting thing about the trust Mitsunari was a fool to ever place in him--but he catches himself. He cannot be overcome with... what? Emotion? The very idea is laughable.
Whatever it is, he cannot allow it to have any effect on his actions. He must remain focused.]
I will, but... are you sure it would be a good idea to push him? If he does not wish to speak to me, I would not want him to become upset with you for speaking on my behalf.
[And then, as soon as those words pass through his lips, control leaves him. There is something in his voice too much like urgency for his liking.]
What must I do to regain your trust?
[It's not what he would have said, but it is near enough (honest enough) to leave him disgusted with himself.]
... Or prove my innocence, at the very least?
[voice]
To regain my trust... do not lie to me, and do not betray me.
[These are the things he'd demand of anyone whose trustworthiness is in question.]
Do not give me reason to doubt you.
[If whatever tentative faith he has in Gyoubu were damaged further, it would solidify his guilt in Mitsunari's eyes.
Lie, Gyoubu, lie for your life --]There is no other way than this to prove you are innocent.
As for Motochika... spare me your worry.
[However dubiously genuine it may be.]
[voice]
Why does he care?
He keeps coming back to that question. No matter how Yoshitsugu looks at it, he can't see any reason for this investment of his. He accomplished his goal, and even if he isn't there to witness the world they created now, Mitsunari became useless to him the moment Tokugawa fell and remains so. It's true that Yoshitsugu has loved watching his rampages, but not enough to go through all this trouble. This version of Mitsunari doesn't seem nearly as amusing as the one he knows, either. He's too... tempered? They've only had this one conversation, but it's not nearly as easy to imagine this Mitsunari overcome with bloodlust as it is the man he knows. Any entertainment value he may have is not enough to justify even half of this. And he doesn't fear for his life. Even if he did, he knows Mitsunari well enough that he'd have no problem evading him. There is no purpose in any of this. It's unlike him.
All he can think is that maybe, for some incomprehensible reason, he just wants to. Maybe he's grown used to Mitsunari's presence, but that would go against his very nature. He does not form attachments, and if he did, why would it be Mitsunari? Yoshitsugu feels like he's dealing with a child more often than not. This man tries his patience like little else.
...But he does feel a bit covetous.
It's not a thing to reflect on. Attempting to make sense of any of his reactions does him no good right now. He's found a way out. He needs to make use of it.]
Mitsunari, no matter what I did in Chousokabe's reality or my reasoning for doing so, I want to make it known that you are the last person I would ever turn my back on. I understand why you may be hesitant to believe anything I say right now, but I really do mean that. You are the only person I've ever been able to call a friend in earnest. You know well that is not a word I use freely.
[Either every word of that is a lie, or he is. There shouldn't be any doubt.]
[voice]
When that thought fully processes, it's as if something sharp and searing has pierced through his chest. And when he speaks, he sounds no different from a man who's been stabbed.]
...Enough. Save it.
[It's one thing for Gyoubu to maintain his innocence and entirely another to start using the word friend.
If Gyoubu is lying, then it's the cruelest lie Mitsunari's ever heard.]
I cannot stand to hear this now.
[voice]
He's never felt this much a fool before. He feels numb.
Words don't come to him immediately, and when they do, his voice is subdued.]
... Of course. I apologize.
[Yoshitsugu goes silent again. It's as if forever has passed when he finally reopens his mouth.]
What happened in your world? How long have you been away?
[voice]
That's the root of all his problems, isn't it? Not knowing. He didn't know Ieyasu was planning to betray the Toyotomi, he didn't know he'd be there fighting his lord that day or that he should have headed for the two of them just a little sooner, he didn't know that Gyoubu and Motonari had gone behind his back -- and he doesn't know if Gyoubu even has --
He doesn't know a damn thing, does he?
He hates it.]
...The Western Army was preparing for battle. I was soon to have Ieyasu's head when I was instead taken to this world... one year ago.
[It's strange to think that it's really been a year. Back home, he would have already found his vengeance (assuming he wouldn't have died trying instead), but perhaps it would have come at the expense of the future he's clinging to now.]
One year... The Piedra Roja is not complete, nor is Ieyasu dead.
[This world has no sympathy for impatient souls.]
[voice]
Chousokabe. He's been with Chousokabe for an entire year. Chousokabe has had his ear for an entire year.
As soon as the thought processes, Yoshitsugu feels that rage flare back up inside him. It's astonishing how quickly it overtakes him--how quickly he leaves that numbness behind for the nauseating heat he feels in his chest now. Before, he'd thought a handful of months, maybe, but this is too much. The very real possibility that Chousokabe has been the most important living person in Mitsunari's life, his closest friend, that he has robbed Yoshitsugu of his position and kept it for a year--
(Is this... jealousy...?)
His blood boils, but it's something he'll concern himself with after he's spoken to Chousokabe. The damage is not irreversible; Chousokabe has had only a fraction of the time with Mitsunari that he has, and Yoshitsugu has a million advantages over someone so simpleminded. So long as he does things delicately, he won't have lost everything. (Whatever that may mean.)
Mitsunari must remain his focus for now.]
... You stood over Tokugawa's corpse when I was stolen away. To have gone so long unable to see justice--I cannot imagine what the past year has been for you.
[He pauses, and then, carefully:]
I realize I do not have your trust yet, but if there comes a time you will allow it, I will do everything in my power to assist you.
[There is an urge to tack on something like "as I always have," but Yoshitsugu knows better.]
[voice]
Ieyasu.
Ieyasu, dead. In another life, yes, but --
He did it? Some other version of himself really did it? Killed him?
The rest of Gyoubu's words sound muffled to Mitsunari's ears, as if he were listening to him from underwater. Everything else on his mind comes to a violent, screeching halt.]
...I killed him... in your world?
The Ieyasu you knew... was killed by the Mitsunari of your realm?
[Is he joking? Did he hear him correctly?
There's no precedent for how to react to this. It isn't his vengeance. It's not his Ieyasu.
But --
He is Ieyasu all the same. Isn't he?
The wind has been knocked right out of Mitsunari.]
In that life, Lord Hideyoshi was avenged...? ...The lying traitor finally met his end...? And paid for his sins? Ieyasu fell to crawl upon the ground before me, like the writhing, worthless snake that he is?!
[His breathless shock gives way to the rage burning inside of him, and it crescendos as he's wrapped up in the mental image of Ieyasu's death he's concocted, and all the hateful satisfaction that comes with it.
-- He is jolted out of it as something reminds him that it's not his life.
It's not his vengeance.
And he can't trust Gyoubu.
Mitsunari takes a ragged breath and goes quiet as he tries to find his bearings.]
...If this... is a lie...
[His throat feels dry.]
Under no circumstances... none whatsoever... will I forgive you.
[voice]
Whatever the case, this is one of those rare moments he has no need to act.]
I speak the truth, Mitsunari. I was at your side; I watched as you cut him down. I've no reason to lie about this. Even if I were the man you fear me to be, what would I gain in telling you this?
[voice]
To give him something to believe in and then pull the rug out from underneath his feet as so many have done already would wound him at his very core.]
...Inspiring false hope... and then destroying me with it.
[Mitsunari's train of logic is something like this: Gyoubu has not yet earned his trust. He has told Mitsunari something wonderful, and it might be a lie. If he is lying, the only possible reason would be so that Gyoubu would have something he could use to hurt Mitsunari.
In the aftermath of Hideyoshi's death, he believed that Ieyasu was going out of his way to sabotage him in all his endeavors. If this Gyoubu is one he cannot trust, how different can one traitor's motivations be from another? Hurting him for the sake of hurting him is reason enough, isn't it? Isn't his suffering something to be gained?
...It is only a possibility.
He could be telling the truth.
The Gyoubu he knows would never lie to him about this.]
[voice]
Yet, the idea makes his chest ache and his throat feel as if it's closing up. If it were anyone else--
...he's dangerously close to falling off a ledge he'd never be able to climb his way back up to. (Or has he already fallen by realizing there's a ledge at all?)
Part of him is filled with this childish urge to lie, to say of course that had been his intention, to sabotage himself. And for what? To hurt Mitsunari now? After all the chances this conversation has given him to completely devastate this man? To ruin him even further? It's not that. It's-- He doesn't know what it is.
This conversation is too much. It's pushing too hard at something.
He needs to stop thinking and hurry things along. It doesn't matter a lick whether or not he wastes time asking himself why his voice is tight; it will be anyway.]
Mitsunari... Your well-being is, and has always been, my priority. Whether or not you believe what I say about Shikoku, you mustn't ever doubt that. Even the man who committed that crime must have felt the same. I cannot imagine a version of myself, no matter how wicked, who would not do everything he could for you.
[It sounds as sincere as he could possibly hope for. It feels far more sincere than any lie should.]
[voice]
Did he think he was helping?
This thought is the kind that springs to mind when it's least expected and especially unwanted, just like all those little instances where he found himself wondering if Ieyasu had ever really cared at some point, ever really was his friend, and if something had gone differently then maybe --
He kills those thoughts and he'll kill this thought too, but not before it can tear at the weakest part of him.]
That cannot -- Stop --
[That cannot be, because a world where he (where either of them) cared but still went on to betray him is worse than one where it was all a lie from the very beginning.]
Don't say any more!
[For a command, it sounds awfully close to a plea. His voice is strained.]
[voice]
He should have known better.
Yoshitsugu knows him better than anyone--better than anyone ever has--and of the three people Mitsunari has ever listened to, he is the only one who still draws breath. How has he managed to set him off like this more than once?
And the way Mitsunari sounds--
... Is this regret? It's not possible, but--
Panic washes over him. He shouldn't be feeling anything other than satisfaction. His insides shouldn't be tearing themselves to shreds because Mitsunari's voice sounds that way. Because he's responsible for it. Because he's managed to do what he could never forgive.
...he's already fallen, hasn't he? He couldn't have (that ledge can't be real; it can't), but... what is he meant to do with this?
What is he?
He's silent for a long time--long enough that Mitsunari might assume he's closed the journal--and then, in a quiet, hollowed-out voice:]
I'm sorry.
[voice]
He wants so badly to believe in Gyoubu. This Gyoubu right here, never mind the ones who lurk in other worlds and think you can care about someone and deliberately undermine every core value they possess at the same time. He doesn't have to be a man like that. Where's the written rule that says Gyoubu can be nothing more than a reprehensible, lying traitor?
...
And yet.
"I cannot imagine a version of myself, no matter how wicked, who would not do everything he could for you."
It echoes too loudly in his head, inescapable, drowning out anything else no matter how badly he wants to shout it down. Right now there is no world outside of the man on the other end of this journal, the dead silence filling the air, and the agonizing, cacophonous thoughts in Mitsunari's mind.
He almost says something (to himself if no one else) and then Gyoubu speaks and Mitsunari is unceremoniously torn out of the stupor he's fallen into.
There, there it is, that sound again, that tone of voice Gyoubu should never, ever have to use, the one that makes that base, instinctive part of Mitsunari ask, "Who has wronged Gyoubu, who must I kill?"
The words register just a second later. Has he ever apologized and sounded like this?
On Gyoubu's end of the journal, he will hear a slow, shaky intake of breath, then something like a shuddering exhale, and a soft, pained sound.
Mitsunari forces himself to speak, and it is obvious by how strangled his words are.]
...Gyoubu...! Why...?
[He doesn't even know what he wants to say. Why what?
Why any of this?
"Why must you sound like that?"]
-- Nothing else...! We will speak when the Katabami is docked!
[Perhaps the reason it hurts so badly is that for all his misgivings, he has no doubt whatsoever that Gyoubu's apology is sincere.]