[大谷 吉継] Ōtani Yoshitsugu (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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piratejournal2015-02-17 09:36 pm
twinkletwinklelittlestar) wrote in piratejournal2015-02-17 09:36 pm
Entry tags:
☄ written (and/or action, if you so desire)
[It has taken nearly a week, but Yoshitsugu's hopes that all of this is nothing but an unwelcome dream have dwindled. He's kept mostly to himself, making the hostel his temporary home and leaving only a handful of times, unsure of what to do, but disorientation has given way to anger now (and a sense of personal loss, though he knows not why). Everything he worked for--his dream--had come to fruition, only for it to be taken from him in the blink of an eye. He is through with being idle.
There is proof enough that the journal is more than just that, so in script that is as beautiful in spite of a trembling hand, he writes:]
I've no doubt this has been asked before, but is there any reason to believe this mysterious gem that supposedly grants wishes actually exists? If it is indeed real, I find it quite difficult to believe it comes without a price. To be told that it's possible to accomplish whatever you like simply by making a wish would arouse suspicion in even the greatest of fools, one would think. Surely there's more to it if people are actually looking for it.
[It's not like him to express anything that resembles his actual thoughts, but until he gets his footing here, he'll have to from time to time. Not that he intends to be here long enough to become established to any degree, but he gets the impression that may be out of his hands.]
I'd also like to know if I'm wrong to assume that there's little hope of returning home through any other means. I have some important business I must get back to. I'd rather not dally unnecessarily.
[ooc: yoshitsugu can be found wandering around town for a while trying to put things together if you'd rather do action! an especially observant person might get the impression that there are some intense, possibly conflicted emotions lurking beneath the surface at the moment. otherwise, he'll come off relatively calm and put together.]
There is proof enough that the journal is more than just that, so in script that is as beautiful in spite of a trembling hand, he writes:]
I've no doubt this has been asked before, but is there any reason to believe this mysterious gem that supposedly grants wishes actually exists? If it is indeed real, I find it quite difficult to believe it comes without a price. To be told that it's possible to accomplish whatever you like simply by making a wish would arouse suspicion in even the greatest of fools, one would think. Surely there's more to it if people are actually looking for it.
[It's not like him to express anything that resembles his actual thoughts, but until he gets his footing here, he'll have to from time to time. Not that he intends to be here long enough to become established to any degree, but he gets the impression that may be out of his hands.]
I'd also like to know if I'm wrong to assume that there's little hope of returning home through any other means. I have some important business I must get back to. I'd rather not dally unnecessarily.
[ooc: yoshitsugu can be found wandering around town for a while trying to put things together if you'd rather do action! an especially observant person might get the impression that there are some intense, possibly conflicted emotions lurking beneath the surface at the moment. otherwise, he'll come off relatively calm and put together.]
[voice]
Chousokabe. He's been with Chousokabe for an entire year. Chousokabe has had his ear for an entire year.
As soon as the thought processes, Yoshitsugu feels that rage flare back up inside him. It's astonishing how quickly it overtakes him--how quickly he leaves that numbness behind for the nauseating heat he feels in his chest now. Before, he'd thought a handful of months, maybe, but this is too much. The very real possibility that Chousokabe has been the most important living person in Mitsunari's life, his closest friend, that he has robbed Yoshitsugu of his position and kept it for a year--
(Is this... jealousy...?)
His blood boils, but it's something he'll concern himself with after he's spoken to Chousokabe. The damage is not irreversible; Chousokabe has had only a fraction of the time with Mitsunari that he has, and Yoshitsugu has a million advantages over someone so simpleminded. So long as he does things delicately, he won't have lost everything. (Whatever that may mean.)
Mitsunari must remain his focus for now.]
... You stood over Tokugawa's corpse when I was stolen away. To have gone so long unable to see justice--I cannot imagine what the past year has been for you.
[He pauses, and then, carefully:]
I realize I do not have your trust yet, but if there comes a time you will allow it, I will do everything in my power to assist you.
[There is an urge to tack on something like "as I always have," but Yoshitsugu knows better.]
[voice]
Ieyasu.
Ieyasu, dead. In another life, yes, but --
He did it? Some other version of himself really did it? Killed him?
The rest of Gyoubu's words sound muffled to Mitsunari's ears, as if he were listening to him from underwater. Everything else on his mind comes to a violent, screeching halt.]
...I killed him... in your world?
The Ieyasu you knew... was killed by the Mitsunari of your realm?
[Is he joking? Did he hear him correctly?
There's no precedent for how to react to this. It isn't his vengeance. It's not his Ieyasu.
But --
He is Ieyasu all the same. Isn't he?
The wind has been knocked right out of Mitsunari.]
In that life, Lord Hideyoshi was avenged...? ...The lying traitor finally met his end...? And paid for his sins? Ieyasu fell to crawl upon the ground before me, like the writhing, worthless snake that he is?!
[His breathless shock gives way to the rage burning inside of him, and it crescendos as he's wrapped up in the mental image of Ieyasu's death he's concocted, and all the hateful satisfaction that comes with it.
-- He is jolted out of it as something reminds him that it's not his life.
It's not his vengeance.
And he can't trust Gyoubu.
Mitsunari takes a ragged breath and goes quiet as he tries to find his bearings.]
...If this... is a lie...
[His throat feels dry.]
Under no circumstances... none whatsoever... will I forgive you.
[voice]
Whatever the case, this is one of those rare moments he has no need to act.]
I speak the truth, Mitsunari. I was at your side; I watched as you cut him down. I've no reason to lie about this. Even if I were the man you fear me to be, what would I gain in telling you this?
[voice]
To give him something to believe in and then pull the rug out from underneath his feet as so many have done already would wound him at his very core.]
...Inspiring false hope... and then destroying me with it.
[Mitsunari's train of logic is something like this: Gyoubu has not yet earned his trust. He has told Mitsunari something wonderful, and it might be a lie. If he is lying, the only possible reason would be so that Gyoubu would have something he could use to hurt Mitsunari.
In the aftermath of Hideyoshi's death, he believed that Ieyasu was going out of his way to sabotage him in all his endeavors. If this Gyoubu is one he cannot trust, how different can one traitor's motivations be from another? Hurting him for the sake of hurting him is reason enough, isn't it? Isn't his suffering something to be gained?
...It is only a possibility.
He could be telling the truth.
The Gyoubu he knows would never lie to him about this.]
[voice]
Yet, the idea makes his chest ache and his throat feel as if it's closing up. If it were anyone else--
...he's dangerously close to falling off a ledge he'd never be able to climb his way back up to. (Or has he already fallen by realizing there's a ledge at all?)
Part of him is filled with this childish urge to lie, to say of course that had been his intention, to sabotage himself. And for what? To hurt Mitsunari now? After all the chances this conversation has given him to completely devastate this man? To ruin him even further? It's not that. It's-- He doesn't know what it is.
This conversation is too much. It's pushing too hard at something.
He needs to stop thinking and hurry things along. It doesn't matter a lick whether or not he wastes time asking himself why his voice is tight; it will be anyway.]
Mitsunari... Your well-being is, and has always been, my priority. Whether or not you believe what I say about Shikoku, you mustn't ever doubt that. Even the man who committed that crime must have felt the same. I cannot imagine a version of myself, no matter how wicked, who would not do everything he could for you.
[It sounds as sincere as he could possibly hope for. It feels far more sincere than any lie should.]
[voice]
Did he think he was helping?
This thought is the kind that springs to mind when it's least expected and especially unwanted, just like all those little instances where he found himself wondering if Ieyasu had ever really cared at some point, ever really was his friend, and if something had gone differently then maybe --
He kills those thoughts and he'll kill this thought too, but not before it can tear at the weakest part of him.]
That cannot -- Stop --
[That cannot be, because a world where he (where either of them) cared but still went on to betray him is worse than one where it was all a lie from the very beginning.]
Don't say any more!
[For a command, it sounds awfully close to a plea. His voice is strained.]
[voice]
He should have known better.
Yoshitsugu knows him better than anyone--better than anyone ever has--and of the three people Mitsunari has ever listened to, he is the only one who still draws breath. How has he managed to set him off like this more than once?
And the way Mitsunari sounds--
... Is this regret? It's not possible, but--
Panic washes over him. He shouldn't be feeling anything other than satisfaction. His insides shouldn't be tearing themselves to shreds because Mitsunari's voice sounds that way. Because he's responsible for it. Because he's managed to do what he could never forgive.
...he's already fallen, hasn't he? He couldn't have (that ledge can't be real; it can't), but... what is he meant to do with this?
What is he?
He's silent for a long time--long enough that Mitsunari might assume he's closed the journal--and then, in a quiet, hollowed-out voice:]
I'm sorry.
[voice]
He wants so badly to believe in Gyoubu. This Gyoubu right here, never mind the ones who lurk in other worlds and think you can care about someone and deliberately undermine every core value they possess at the same time. He doesn't have to be a man like that. Where's the written rule that says Gyoubu can be nothing more than a reprehensible, lying traitor?
...
And yet.
"I cannot imagine a version of myself, no matter how wicked, who would not do everything he could for you."
It echoes too loudly in his head, inescapable, drowning out anything else no matter how badly he wants to shout it down. Right now there is no world outside of the man on the other end of this journal, the dead silence filling the air, and the agonizing, cacophonous thoughts in Mitsunari's mind.
He almost says something (to himself if no one else) and then Gyoubu speaks and Mitsunari is unceremoniously torn out of the stupor he's fallen into.
There, there it is, that sound again, that tone of voice Gyoubu should never, ever have to use, the one that makes that base, instinctive part of Mitsunari ask, "Who has wronged Gyoubu, who must I kill?"
The words register just a second later. Has he ever apologized and sounded like this?
On Gyoubu's end of the journal, he will hear a slow, shaky intake of breath, then something like a shuddering exhale, and a soft, pained sound.
Mitsunari forces himself to speak, and it is obvious by how strangled his words are.]
...Gyoubu...! Why...?
[He doesn't even know what he wants to say. Why what?
Why any of this?
"Why must you sound like that?"]
-- Nothing else...! We will speak when the Katabami is docked!
[Perhaps the reason it hurts so badly is that for all his misgivings, he has no doubt whatsoever that Gyoubu's apology is sincere.]