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finnian,
roxas

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[Here's a voice not many people have heard much of, mostly because it's a little more high pitched than normal.]

So um, I have a question. Does anyone know how to stop a curse? Like, how to stop being a girl if you're supposed to be a boy?

[He pauses, remembering Selphie didn't recognize him before.]

Oh! It's Roxas, by the way.

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It's fine, it's fine! I didn't mean to worry you. It's...happened before.

[A few times, in fact.]

There's something I can't remember. I don't know what it is, but I know that. I don't know why I can't but it makes my head hurt if I try to remember it. I don't know if anyone can really help with that. I'm missing a lot of time, it's hard to say.

I tried real hard to remember once and I cried. Whatever it is, I think it's really sad too.

Maybe you should try like... hypnosis, or something. Isn't that what people do for repressed memories? Get somebody to hypnotize you and see if they can drag it outta you.

[Jesse is a fountain of bad advice.]

I don't know, I've never heard of anything like that. How does hypnosis work? Do you think it would help?

[There's a lot he would do to straighten out his mind.]

Does it hurt?

Uh... far as I know, somebody just talks at you and like, puts you in some kind of trance, then like, talks the memories up out of your mind. ...I think. I dunno really how it works. But it shouldn't hurt, they don't touch you or anything. People do it at parties and stuff.

Really? I'm not sure. I never did that before. Or saw it. I've been to some parties here, I watched some! I didn't really see any of the trance things though.

Well, it's up to you, yo. I just remember hearing about it on television or something. And it sounds like you got a bad case of repressed memories going on. Like, super bad.

Maybe, I'm not sure. Like I said, I don't remember.

I know people have messed around in my head. Naminé said something like that I think. When I left the Organization and fought Riku, they caught me and put me in Twilight Town which is like a fake place. A prison for me really, but it was just like this town I knew. When they did that, they took away my memories. All of them and I thought...I thought I belonged in the fake place.

She said she was taking Sora's memories back from me, but I don't know, I see them a lot.

...Oh.

That kinda sounds more like, uh, brainwashing. Which is bad. You know that's bad, right?

I don't know if it's brainwashing or not, but she took all my memories and I thought I was this normal guy with these freinds, but then weird things started to happen and Axel showed up...

[He sighs softly.]

In the end when I saw DiZ and, and before I fought Axel I got my memories back. I remember the things I knew from then and some of my memories from before in the Organization. That was just before I came here. But like I said, there's stuff I don't remember, it's really confusing.

[Jesse has no idea what any of that means, Roxas!]

Yeah, someone taking your memories and telling you you're someone else sounds like brainwashing to me, yo. Whatever their reason is. No one should be messing around with that shit, ever.

[That's because Roxas started in the middle of the story.]

I guess so, but I think it's because I don't matter. I mean, like I said, it's all about Sora. I was supposed to disappear back into Sora, but I came here instead.

[Frustration is building.]

Look, I've never met this Sora guy. Why the hell should it all be about him? You seem like a straight up guy to me- and you sure as hell do matter. You matter to plenty of people. Doesn't the fact that people would be sad if you disappeared mean you matter?

That's a good question. I don't really know. I know it mattered to Axel a lot. He was looking for me. He...back then before we fought I didn't think it would matter if I disappeared. It would have mattered to him though. I know that now.

[He sighs softly.]

At home, he was the only one though. Everyone else is waiting for Sora.

Still. One person is one person, right? That's enough. That means you matter to someone. If you matter to someone, then you matter.

I-I know. I know that now. I just didn't believe it then. I don't know what would have happened if I left with Axel. He was supposed to take me back to the Organization so they could destroy me. I don't know if he would have though.

You know that now?

[Jesse sounds skeptical.]

Are you sure? You really sure? Because you don't act like it.

He died for me. I know Axel cared for me...I know Lea loves me.

[He exhales.]

I hate everything about it, but I can't avoid it. I have to go home and disappear at some point. Lea and I both know it. Sora has to wake up.

Why?

[It's a simple enough question.]

If you're so vital to him waking up, why can't you do whatever he has to do?

Um, well...

[That's not a bad question and his mind is blank for a minute.]

I guess...I um, I guess it's because he was here first. And he's my Somebody. I'm not really hero material.

[It's possible Lea would argue that.]

I mean, I don't really care about saving the world. Oh, but I don't want darkness to take over...I'm not sure what I would do. Lea and I talked about the darkness coming here and we said we'd stop it if we had to. I'm not one of the good guys though.

So what are you? A bad guy?

[Jesse scoffs.]

Believe me. You don't have it in you to be a bad guy.

Yeah, I guess I was a bad guy. Organization XIII are the bad guys, trying to bring about Kingdom Hearts. I was Number XIII, the Key of Destiny. I killed a lot of Heartless and we took the hearts they'd stolen to make Kingdom Hearts. It's going to make darkness fall and everything. I kind of had a big part of that.

[He sounds a little regretful about it, actually.]

Missions were given to me and I did them without really knowing much about it. I helped them a lot...I worked for them a year.

So the bad guys told you to do bad things, and you did them because you didn't know the difference? That doesn't make you a bad guy, that makes you a pawn. A stooge. It means you got played. Makes you naive, yeah, but not a bad guy yourself.

They promised me some answers but didn't deliver so I quit. I turned my back on Lea, I mean, Axel and walked away. We had a fight we can't remember now.

[He sighs softly. He didn't get far. He got a whole day of freedom.]

I guess. Lea says that too, that I'm naive. He got mad because I said I was stupid and he said that's not it, just naive. I was one of the members though and I did a lot of damage. I collected a lot of hearts. Doesn't that make me bad?

[He's quiet for a moment.]

Not if you didn't know what you were doing. If you didn't know, no one can blame you.

[He hums softly, thinking about it.]

I guess...maybe. Even though I still did it. I didn't really know much about it. I was part of a bad guy Organization though. Riku would tell you I'm a bad guy. He's the one who put me in the fake place.

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