piratejournal | [written] SBaHJ: Pirated

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alpha dave strider

[written] SBaHJ: Pirated

[Dave is feeling much better now that his captain has returned and he has his own body back, better than he has in a long time. In fact, he's feeling so good that he's about to do something incredibly stupid.]

ok so back when i first got here
which was in the winter or some shit
someone said i needed more colors to illustrate the full depth of my artistic vision
and i totally agreed with her
so now
coming to you for the first time ever
in FULL COLOR MOTHERFUCKERS
or like
as many colors as i could mix with the basic primary inks
which is kind of a lot
i present the pirated version of sbahj

ok i know it's not much
but i got excited about making different colors of ink
and forgot what i was gonna write
next time the comic will be longer i promise

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the best kind of irony achieves total anatomical ambiguity
like you can tell there are arms legs and a torso
but there's no way to determine where the elbows and knees are
you can't separate the chest from the lower abdomen because the characters have no waist
look at the last panel
you can't even tell what animal parts they're supposed to have
i guess sweet bro is some kind of dog horse hybrid and hella jeff is a duck pig
but i don't know i just drew random animal parts

So like animal porn? But you didn't draw the bits so you wouldn't get in trouble?

*Apparently, someone still isn't getting it*

sure
whatever you say

[Dave isn't going to argue with a pretty girl. Part of the fun of his comics is that people can interpret them however they want to.]

there are kids here and we both know that shit ain't appropriate for children

Okay.

*There's a pause though before she continues writing anything else*

I want to say that you can be into whatever you want to be into, but where I'm from, being sexually attracted to animals and drawing porn of them is kind of illegal...

i don't think it's illegal where i'm from
you can draw all the porn you want as long as you don't fuck animals
that might be illegal
i never had a burning desire to bone fido so i never looked
if it is illegal it wasn't always because one guy died having sex with a horse
i think they made it illegal after that
but i don't live in that state.

A guy had sex with a horse? WHY??? Did he just think that horses are really hot or something? Because...that is SO SO WEIRD.

maybe he did
maybe he didn't
maybe he just liked big dicks up his ass
he's dead now so we can't ask him

Okay. I guess we just wait for the next guy to come along that likes to have sex with horses and ask him.

good luck with that
most of them won't admit it due to public ridicule

Yeah, well, no wonder. That's what happens when you want to sleep with horses. I mean, there are so many actual human in the world to have sex with.

maybe those people are socially awkward
they think no other human will like them so they like animals instead
like how old unmarried women have a lot of cats
only they just want them for company not sex
i don't even think women can have sex with cats it has to be physically impossible

But isn't that what brothels are for? So people that no one else wants to have sex with can go and actually have sex?

I hope old ladies don't have sex with cats. That is really creepy.

sure
but not everyone has the money for brothels
animals are free
unless you're like
going to an animal brothel or something
do those even exist?

That is true... But I'd rather save up for a brothel or whatever than have sex with a cat. Or any animal.

It's probably better to die a virgin. I think.

Animal brothels sound gross. Unless it's for cats having sex with other cats or something.

yeah same here
but where i'm from brothels aren't legal in most places
i think they're only legal in vegas
anywhere else you have to find a prostitute
pay a lot of money
and risk getting arrested
or you could just fuck a duck
it's free and no one cares
worst case scenario you get caught and pay a fine
but if you get caught paying another human for sex you will go to jail

!!!

That makes no sense!!!

Still, as a woman... I'd much rather that someone wanted to have sex with me because they really liked me and thought I was hot, rather than feeling like they wanted to give me money for it.

And...
...would a man's parts even fit inside a duck?

*There's a pause before she adds:*

This conversation is getting kind of gross actually...

laws never make sense
they're just there to piss people off
like you'd think it would be worse to have sex with animals than people
but some people think paying another person for sex is a moral travesty or something
it's fucked up isn't it?
forget about the duck
no one wants to know about that

I think I might choose to forget about most of this conversation.

That is supposed to sound mean. But I think it's best.

's cool
i'm gonna forget most of it too

This was an interesting talk anyway - so thanks!

no thank you
it was a pleasure chatting with you
even though the conversation was fucking creepy
it's probably my fault
my bad?

Yeah - definitely your bad! ^^

But that's okay. It was...enlightening?

Let's talk about something less creepy next time! :) x

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