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piratejournal2014-07-25 02:24 pm
allendsmeat) wrote in piratejournal2014-07-25 02:24 pm
Entry tags:
voice/action for the Merrily
[there is silence a moment, just the sound of the sea to let you know the journal is open and then:]
I've decided I don't care about dating or that kind of stuff anymore.
[sent mostly to Ace and Smoker but he doesn't know how to private it or even if that's a thing really. Anyway it seemed a lot of people hadn't wanted him to think about that kind of thing in the first place so he should let them know]
I wanna be Pirate King and have all the friends I want and all the meat I want.
[and the rest of it... it didn't matter. Nothing could be better than nakama anyway. That done, he closes the journal and goes to find Smoker. He wants to spend more time with him before the race is over]
I've decided I don't care about dating or that kind of stuff anymore.
[sent mostly to Ace and Smoker but he doesn't know how to private it or even if that's a thing really. Anyway it seemed a lot of people hadn't wanted him to think about that kind of thing in the first place so he should let them know]
I wanna be Pirate King and have all the friends I want and all the meat I want.
[and the rest of it... it didn't matter. Nothing could be better than nakama anyway. That done, he closes the journal and goes to find Smoker. He wants to spend more time with him before the race is over]
[action]
He will growl though.]
[action]
[Smoker half doesn't care though, if he really wanted to kick Luffy off he could fade to smoke and throw him walls, but he's more annoyed than actually pained.]
[And his desire to actually attempt to bash Luffy's rubber skull in is mildly less than usual so he flomps back on the couch and casually kicks Luffy against it, as if Luffy isn't even there, much less chewing on his leg and riling up the wolf pup who totally thinks it's the best game ever.]
[The only problem is Smoker doesn't have a newspaper. 1) to read, 2) to roll up and lightly bop either of them with.]
[But the point is, he gives no fucks, he just doesn't have it in him to give the lightest damnation.]
[action]
Then rolls off, his back to the man. Hero sniffs at him but he ignores the wolf pup, instead just staring grumpily at the wall]
[action]
[action]
Don't want it.
[and he doesn't know what Smoker means by it. He doesn't know what Smoker means by anything. He doesn't understand anything except dating means you get mad at people and mad in a way that hurts. That's stupid. Why is it so stupid?]
[action]
[Whatever "it" is.]
[Smoker just puts the cigar in his own mouth and smokes, and thinks, and is annoyed about thinking, and is annoyed that "it" exists, and like fuck does he have words and --]
[A sigh.]
[What does Straw Hat want?]
["Everything." No wonder with something so vague like that he's lost.]
[Smoker's half tempted to say as much. "You still don't know what you're looking for."]
[But he's said it before, why bother saying so again?]
[It's not fun. Maybe it would be if Straw Hat found the right person, but clearly that isn't something that can be forced or sped up, and Smoker really does NOT want to be that person. He can't begin to wrap his head around it. He doesn't want to either. He wants it to go back to how it should be, but it probably never will. Maybe it was never how it should "be" from the minute he first laid eyes on the brat, even before the wanted poster.]
I'm sorry for confusing you.
[He gets up and heads outside. It's true, and he doesn't regret anything, but he hates it all the same. There's not a single aspect he doesn't hate of it.]
[From that they are who they are, and they both have to go their own paces, to every single stupid bit of it. He hates the kid's smile for reminding him of Roger. He hates that he hasn't seen the smile in too long, and he hates that he's noticed that. He hates that they're not quite enemies, and he hates that justice is so warped that they're almost on the same side of justice while opposite sides of the law. He hates his duties, and obligations, and the fact that the idea of being friends with a pirate bothers him so much. Is that a weakness, or is it being friends with a pirate which is weaker? It doesn't matter, and he'll never be able to call it such anyway. He still wants to arrest Luffy, and he doesn't hate that, he just hates that he can't do that here.]
[He hates that Smoker considers himself a hunter, and that he even wanted to help the idiot find some sort of clarity... and it's not like Smoker has any for himself, so yeah right, how could he have helped him with it?]
[He hates that his own head won't shut up. That he's on this stupid ship for some reason he can't fully justify to himself, much less to others, and that he's looking for something he doesn't know what yet. Clarity? Satisfaction to curiosity? An answer he'll never get.]
[It doesn't matter.]
[Maybe he's just trying to push his own limits, to see how much he can stand, or how much he can get away with with himself, or how much freedom he has away from the brass. He half wishes Tashigi was around to reign him in. Or at least try to knock sense into him. Or give him reason not to be stupid. Maybe he's extra stupid lately because it doesn't seem to matter anymore. He's branded as a pirate no matter what he says or does, the amount of justice he can choose between seems narrower everyday...]
[Maybe they're both just lost.]
[Smoker hesitates, debating going back to find Luffy again, or going up to the crow's nest to breathe or...]
[He opens the door so Luffy can hear, but stands outside so that Luffy can choose to pretend to ignore him if he wants.]
You make your own meaning for that kind of thing. If you think it's stupid, it's always going to be stupid. [Which is why no one should try this with Smoker. It would always be stupid.] It's like... [He rubs his forehead trying to come up with a good explanation, an analogy even Luffy can get.] An adventure. [He scowls. What is his life coming to?] Maybe the payoff is worth the risk, or maybe all you'll get out of it is an experience and time with the people you share it with, but that's risk you take. [More knuckling his forehead.] I guess that kind of thing is important to you, because you want all the adventures, right? [Switches to rubbing his temples.] But I don't. I just want to make the world a better place. [Justice. Fit in...? No. But to fulfill his duty maybe. In protecting others.]
["I'm not adventurous." He can't say that. Partly out of pride, and partly because it's not true, and if he tried, it'd be too transparent. It's not that he's not adventurous, he's just a million kinds of messed up, and he just wants some things to make sense, which is not going to happen for him on a god damn pirate ship, surrounded by pirates, in yet another pirate world.]
[So there's no real answer for Luffy, but maybe there doesn't need to be one either. It's not like Smoker can't stop him when it comes down to it. After all, that's his job, isn't it?]
[action]
But it's not fair. He says that Luffy should do what he wants because he likes pirates even if he hates them. He's a weird Marine whose almost a pirate but still a Marine. But he's here because they are friends and maybe he doesn't know what else to do or how else to show it.
Maybe in some things you just had to be alone and watch and wait. Like finding a faint deer trail in the grass and watching that spot every day until you saw the deer and followed it and learned what deer were like in that place and what they ate. Maybe it was something different that he would never get. Maybe he would stop caring one day or maybe he always would.
But it wasn't fair for Smoker to be in that spot.
Luffy stands, dusting off the hat and putting it on his head. That was why there was a separation from pirates and marines. Smoker wanted to make the world a better place which is why Luffy liked him. Luffy just wanted to have fun and do whatever he wanted. It meant he could be selfish if he wanted and it meant he didn't have to be if he didn't want.]
Then don't worry about it.
[he moves past Smoker, taking one of his cigars as he goes and holding it between his teeth but he keeps on moving toward the figurehead where he belongs]
Just relax. It'll all work out.
[action]
[Smoker gets moving too, to find his own out-of-the-way corner where he can pretend to be invisible again. He says it more out of habit than any real emotion though. For all his protests, he does relax slightly. Straw Hat isn't happy, but it's not the same petulant misery they both felt before. At minimum, he seems to get it more now. And that doesn't remove the cloud over Smoker's head, but at least he can breathe again with the cloud constricting his lungs.]
When you're ready, the world should be afraid.
[He partly means it in the world changing kind of effect Luffy has on everything, but also that he acknowledges that Luffy can and will do whatever he wants, and it'll be on the world to brace for it or get trampled in his wake.]
[action] 1/2
Smoker...
no subject
The world is shaking now.
1/2
[He's half tempted to let Straw Hat just have that moment, and half tempted to try to say something to make the kid laugh again. But a reference to Whitebeard would be out of place, and he's not sure Straw Hat would understand it. Especially since Whitebeard's era was something Portgas yelled about as he died, and Straw Hat isn't that far yet. "Gurarara" = no. "So what will be the new era?" = no.]
[He thinks about it and takes out his jitte to twirl it around with his wrist.]
2/2
Then I'll steady it.
[With Blackbeard shaking it up in the future, between Straw Hat and the other forces of the world, that was Smoker's ambition, so that was where he made his stand.]
no subject
no subject
[Smoker watches quietly, keeping his smile to himself for a second before nodding and going off to find his invisible spot again.]
[It was what it was.]