piratejournal | Third message: Paying respects halfway across the universe. (Voice)

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Third message: Paying respects halfway across the universe. (Voice)

...I want to do something for her.

[What is this? Is he actually using the journal to remark on his own thoughts and feelings? Seems that way, but there is more purpose to it than that. And he's finding it hard to speak so openly on a public server. So for a few moments he falls into silence and then there’s the sound of rustling.]

Someone so kind and openhearted never should have died in such a brutal way. And I would do anything to go back in time and change it, but I can't.

[He has to stop himself here before he say's too much. This isn't about him; it's about that kind mother.]

I don't feel like I have a right, but she deserves a proper farewell.

And I want to do something special, but I can't think of anything, it's not really something I'm used to.

So I guess what I'm asking is...How do you say goodbye to the dead in your world?

[And he stops the broadcast here. He’s not looking for pity, or for help. He just wants to give someone who has helped him through so much what she deserves. ]

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I'd figure most cultures have some variation on the same themes. Body viewing from people close to the deceased, burial or whatever other body disposal method is called for, and then people consoling each other afterwards.

I can't remember attending any myself, though.

Unfortunately her body can't be recovered... [Even if they where home, it would be charred beyond recognition and he can't draw attention to himself.]

Our village was strange in the fact that traditional burials was something of an industry. Usually everyone would work together to carry them into the forest surrounding our small town and they would be buried among generations of families.

A lot of people from the surrounding area found it rather creepy.

Isolated small town-type stuff? Sounds pretty rural.

Yeah, pretty much.

Except rather then having a lot of farms we had a thick forest of fir trees.

Well, nothing can be done if a body is missing. You can still hold a symbolic ceremony.

Yeah...

Just hope the message reaches her.

Where I'm from, most people bury their dead at sea. Sometimes people bury the bodies, if they can find the space, or if the ones who died weren't sailors.

It depends on the country.

Edited 2014-04-13 21:16 (UTC)

Sounds similar to my world, although most of the country has taken to cremating the bodies rather than giving them a traditional burial.

Sometimes we cremate them. A lot of the time, we don't even have a body to send off, though.

Huh? Why is that?

Well...if you go overboard, there's nothing under the ships. No water or anything like here...supposedly you just fall forever. Same if your ship is heavily damaged in combat and can't stay in the air...there are exceptions, but that's usually what happens.

Remember her. Rituals done after somebody dies are just things that help you remember them later. They give you a place to go to when you wanna remember them properly.

It's better when you don't have to rely on markers like that. [This was easy. Sabo never had a grave, but Ace always remembered him.] If you remember them without being prompted, then you're showing how important they were to you.

Wise words...

[He was slightly surprised, but more than that he was...somber, because it meant Ace had lost someone close to him even at such a young age. But it did happen.]

And I will never forget her. She had been more a parent to me then my own. I don't even want to think about the person I could have become if it wasn't for her and her son. [another pause, lost in his own memory.]

She was a traditional woman though, although she would never fault us for being unable to give her a proper burial I feel as if it's wrong not to at least give her a ceremony.

Unfortunately, it isn't befitting to make graves in places like the ones we've been--especially seeing as she's never been here.

Pirates would pour out part of their drinks into the sea for their comrades lost, but I dunno if you'd like that.

That's true. [He scratches the back of his neck.] Then I'll just have to wish we all make it home. So I can get this done properly.

And yeah, probably not for Miwako.

…but not a bad idea.

[Ace was doing a lot of squinting. Still, he was also doing a lot of intent thinking. Being away from Serenes helped, at least.]

Well, what did she like doin'?

My people, we give them back to nature. Sending them off with a song for their souls so that they will have peace in their new sleep.

Even if this person isn't here.... I can still offer her the song if you wish for it.

That sounds beautiful.

And....I think I'll take you up on your offer, if you're really okay with this?

I would be delighted to.

I will speak to the forest to see if our spot we do this is here within this forest or not. My apologizes that I cannot do more to help her.

You're doing more then enough, Leanne.

Thank you.

I am glad that you feel that way.

You are welcome. Shall I let you know when the forest responds?

Yeah, if we can I would like to get it done tonight, before we leave.

I will ask now then. If I may ask, you have anything that has memories of her? It will make it better.

(She waits a few moments before lowering her journal to speak to Serenes.)

... Toshio.

[There's a pause, and then a quiet-]

Thank you.

[You can probably hear him rubbing the back of his neck before letting out a sigh. ]

What do you think? She was your mother...You have the most say in all this.

[There's the sound of a door opening, then footsteps. Everything goes silent on his end, soon after.

Approximately a minute will pass before Toshio hears the sound of Seishin's voice- only it will be coming from behind him, rather than through the journal.]

I...haven't thought about it...actually.

[Because, the first thing in his mind is that he's not human. Would praying for her soul...do anything, coming from someone who's been abandoned by God?]

[Toshio stares at the pages in question. Was he avoiding him, did he not approve of this? If so then why did he thank him?]

[He hadn't heard the footsteps until they were right behind him. That alone causes him to glance back and find Seishin.]

...

[The doctor turns around and leans back against the railing, his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.]

A friend of mine on the sun offered to sing her a song that's supposed to bring the deceased a peaceful rest. I thought that Mi-....Mrs. Muroi would like that.

[He turns his head down, staring at the floorboards.]

[While Seishin thought of the repercussions of his praying, Toshio was more concerned about how she'd feel about the man who was the cause of her death to be the one organizing this ceremony.]

[He's quiet for a long while, stepping forward so that he's standing next to Toshio. His hands gently move to rest on the railing as his eyes rest on the water below.

Seconds later, he closes his eyes.]

A song? [He turns to look at Toshio, the ghost of a smile appearing. It's a rather weak smile- one that does nothing to conceal the sadness within his eyes.]

You're right. She would like that.

[In all reality--and in spite of everything that's happened, he truly appreciates everything Toshio is doing. It means a lot that he'd gone through the trouble of making the entry in the journal. The ghost of a smile slowly fades, and then he turns his head to look back down at the ocean.]

[Toshio watches him closely, following every little motion and every flicker expression.]

[He honestly was concerned for his friend, perhaps more so then he was sad over the event. It had really been a shock when he heard. But he knew there was no point in dwelling too long on things that could not be changed.]

[After a few moments turns towards him, and just silently places a hand against his shoulder. He wasn’t very good at the whole comforting thing, just as much as he wasn't very good at the whole memorial thing.]

[But he was willing to give it a try, for both of them, and for himself.]

Okay.

[ And then the hand was gone and he was folding his arms over the railing, joining in with the staring match towards the water. His actions reminded him of when he was a boy still, hiding out in the temple and just staring at the leaves. Knowing this was the one place safe from his parent’s stupid reputation.]

[He was always so angry back then...]

[And before he knew what he was doing he was on his knees, his hands clasped together and his forehead bowed against them.]

Thank you, for saving me from myself so many countless times.

[He whispered beneath his breath.]

[The hand is enough. In fact, it's more than he had expected, since...things are still kind of rocky between them. If his face wasn't turned away, it could be made clear by the fact that his eyes widen ever-so-slightly.

...

He's not even sure how to respond. He feels like he maybe...should say something. Before he has a chance to come up with a response, however, Toshio's hand is being removed. Seishin's expression softens for a moment, in thought.]

...!

[Toshio suddenly dropping to his knees has his eyes widening immensely, just before he's turning his head to look down.]

Toshio...

[Seishin's head slowly turns away from his childhood friend. Just like that, he can feel his chest tightening. She would...probably just give Toshio a smile, telling him that there's nothing to thank her for.

She truly...hadn't...deserved to die at the hands of some angry mob.

He wonders how much she had worried about him, since he'd left without saying anything to her. He had known what would likely happen to him by going to that mansion. But, he'd also known he wouldn't be able to look her in the face before leaving...

Knowing her death had partially been...his fault...He doesn't deserve forgiveness. He deserves to live a life abandoned by God.

She'd been...all alone with those angry men. She'd died not knowing the fate of her son...

What had her last thoughts been....?

It's like all of the feelings, sadness, and pain he'd been suppressing are slamming into him, all at once. That pain in his chest amplifies tenfold, and he's left gripping the rail so tightly, it's a wonder he isn't bending the metal. His teeth clench.]

Mother... [His voice is just barely a whisper.] I'm sorry I couldn't save you...

[...He hadn't meant to let the last sentence out loudly enough to be heard.

...

When had he started crying...?]

[For a while he kept his head bowed. Not only was he thinking of her, but again his mind had gone to the others who had perished. He wished for happiness to those who were left alive, and for peace towards the souls who had been turned into shiki.

All that was left now was to wait for karma to hit and he too got what was coming to him, much like his mother and father before him. Never would he state he was a hero in any of this, or a righteous warrior, he had fought with rage in his heart and he knew very well that the souls inhabiting the ones they killed where still human in some form or fashion.

But that didn't matter; all of Seishin's arguments towards the shiki didn't matter. It was the fact they came to his village and messed with his people. And not an ounce of him could accept that.

And slowly he was coming to realize what his declaration of defeat really meant. ]

...Seishin?

[He looks up, and everything vanishes from his mind, instead being replaced with one single thought. His friend was in pain, such a deep emotional pain.]

[This was probably one of the first times he's ever seen the other cry. No matter how much despair Seishin had suffered in his heart, he couldn't recall him ever breaking down like this.]

[And it left him concerned but also relieved. Because after the incident he had always just wished he would just let his emotions out and cry, not hole them up until he reached such a desperate point again.]

[Silently he moved up from the floor and for once gave himself completely over to his heart. His hand reaching up to touch him gently so that he could gain his attention before wrapping strong arms around him and pulling him into a tight embrace.]

…

[And nothing else really needed to be said.]

[He doesn't even hear his name.

There's a moment where he attempts to regain his composure. He isn't comfortable with being seen like this- he needs to get to a room. By the time he turns to go, however, he feels a hand on him. His brow tenses and he opens his mouth- a bad idea, since he has to all but clench his teeth together right after that. A sob had almost managed to escape in that moment.

In spite of having the strength, he doesn't have the willpower to leave the arms that wrap themselves around him. His body does go rigid within the embrace. In spite of the initial tension, however, he can feel himself weakening. He'd already lacked the willpower to fight against Toshio's hugging him...

Now he's finding himself lacking the strength to hold back the rest of the tears. Eyes closing tightly as a final attempt to withhold them, his own hands slowly reach up to pull his childhood friend even closer. His face presses firmly into Toshio's shoulder, teeth still clenching to refrain from making any sounds.

It lasts for approximately thirty seconds, before yet another barrier cracks. It starts out ghostly faint, but within seconds, there are soft sobs managing to escape. The grip on Toshio's shirt is firm as his face never leaves the doctor's shoulder.

Minutes later, however, there's a buzzing within his head as he becomes seemingly drained of tears. There's no more tears, no more sobs, only a feeling of emptiness. Even with that being the case, he moves to lean his forehead against Toshio's shoulder. Eyes closed, he loosened his grip on the doctor, letting one arm move down to his own side- other hand still holding his shirt for just a moment longer.

After a moment, he does release his grip entirely. His face lifts just enough for him to dry his face with the sleeve of one arm. Seconds later, he finally lifts his face enough to look at Toshio.]

...I'm sorry. [For losing control, mainly...]

[While Seishin breaks apart he just holds him, feeling like if he dared to move right now his friend would just crumble right into a pile of debris at his feet. He rests his head against the others, and softly sighs until he catches the sound of those so very soft sobs.]

[And it's like another switch had been turned and suddenly everything became, easier. He just stopped thinking altogether and every little voice hushed...]

[It started small, a few soft strokes against his arm and then against his back in an attempt to ease his sobs, and yet letting him know it was okay to cry. That he wasn't going to say anything, and he understood, and he was there.]

[He takes a deep breath, wishing that he could just take away all the pain this man has ever felt and more. Seishin always had it so much harder, at least that's what he saw in his eyes. All those villagers crowding around him and making him their savior, a position he was placed in since birth.]

[That's why he never asked for his help, because he was already doing so much and he didn't want to put any more pressure on him.]

...

[He loosens his grip to let the Jinrou move away, one of his hands coming up to gently brush back his platinum hair and tuck it away so it doesn't stick to his face. And then it just... rests against his cheek a moment.]

[His expression softens even further as he looks into those tired eyes, shaking his head at the apology.]

Don't be, it's alright.

[His thumb gently brushes against one of the tear stains marking his friends face before going back and just, softly stroking his hair. He still had a hold on him, not quite ready to let go, and unsure if he ever would be.]

[But he understood that Seishin might find it all rather uncomfortable, so he waited for a sign, only then would he let go.]

[His eyes drift downward as he feels the brunette's thumb gently brushing his cheek. There's an air of hesitance surrounding the Jinrou. This isn't something he ever would have expected, actually- he's never expected anything of Toshio, though. After all, so many others had done that enough for him, back in that village. For both of them. It's strange to think how things had turned out, by that point. Looking back up at his friend of many years, Seishin thinks on that.

From the beginning of their friendship, each had been the privy to the other's secrets; at the same time, however, they'd never truly expressed their feelings to one another. Each going out of their way to help one another in a way they'd thought was most beneficial to the other, while each denied himself what he'd needed. Seishin has to admit to himself that he regrets a lot of things he'd done, but...it's too late for that. And, really, he's too tired to even think about it. He just wants to stop thinking, for a moment. Stop feeling.

Suddenly, he's struck by the realization that he's been staring up at Toshio this entire time. Blinking once, then twice, he quickly looks back down. There's a nice long pause before he slowly backs away just a bit from Toshio, not putting more than a foot between them.]

I, uh...

[He chances a glance back up at his friend.] ...Thank you, Toshio.

[You know how Marco's still kind of crazy from the island?]

[For now he just sings, though in Marco's case, it comes out entirely in phoenix, so you might need to get Thatch for lyrics.]

[Or ask Marco to write them all down.]

[Also scribbled into the journal he adds:]

My Pops used to sing me that. It was always his goal to die before me so he knew I would be upset when he was gone, and he said whenever I sang it I could think of him. You may share it if it will help.

[He understood....nothing the man was singing.]

[Yeah, he'll just, ask about it later. You know, when the guy wasn't crazy.]

It sounds like you and your father where close. [Toshio was a little jealous about that. But mostly he was happy for the other.]

I wasn't really around when mine passed away.

[He writes back for now because it's harder to talk, and harder still to talk about that in particular without more emotion than he wants to deal with.]

My father taught me nearly everything I hold worth knowing.

He died in a war.

It was how he wanted: standing strong and protecting his family, but that doesn't always make it easier to accept.

You're right, we were very close though.

[He's too old to feel orphaned, and he's got too many brothers to look after to waste time with feeling sorry for himself, but it weighs on him always.]

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