piratejournal | [Voice]

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monkey d. luffy

[Voice]

[there is quiet for a very long time. And it's almost as if the journal isn't open at all except for the quiet murmur of the ocean lapping at a still ship. They are anchored somewhere. It feels like they should be. Then Luffy says in a flat voice]

They've gone. A-Ace [his voice breaks a little but he swallows and says in a darker tone] and S-Sanji.

[It sounds like it hurts to say, and it does.

In any case, he leaves the book open on his lap, gripping it with his fingers and staring at nothing over the ocean as he sits on the figurehead. Nakama can find him there. But he won't be very talkative]

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[Zoro takes the risk and curls his arm up and over his shoulder, to grab Luffy in a headlock and hold him down before he does any damage to himself or the ship. Screw the shirt, it's a noble sacrifice.]

I know. Never said it wasn't. Death is selfish that way...it doesn't care...

[it didn't care about a little girl with big dreams to fulfill. It doesn't care about any of them. But Zoro knows it's best to let Luffy get it out rather than offer him advice.]

It's stupid. Stupid.

[but there's nothing he can do. No matter how much he pulls at Zoro it's not going to change anything. He hates losing. He hates letting go. He hates it so much.]

I'm so strong now. [it comes out like a kind of plea as he balls his fists into Zoro's shirt, just to hold on. Maybe he can never be strong enough not to lose people. Maybe... He wants to tell Zoro. Ask him. But he doesn't want to hear he can't. He doesn't want to let that thought enter into his head because it might become true.

So he just grits his teeth and tries to hold back as best he can even though it's so hard. He clenchis his teeth and feels Zoro's hand on his head as hard as he can.]

[he hangs on tightly, even if Luffy's skin is hot from Gear Second. Don't care. Not letting go.]

Yeah, you are. So are we. You won't lose us.

[not because of Luffy alone, but because the rest of them will keep up with him. Where they fall, he can pick them up. But he doesn't have to do it alone, and Zoro hopes he can see as much. He can't do anything about Ace, no, so grieving is okay. Zoro isn't ashamed by any tears.]

You have to stay strong. Don't back up, always move forward.

[That makes him feel a little better, but a little desperate at the same time. He knows that they'll follow behind him. They always have. They are by his side and if they need him, he's there. And he can't be there Zoro is. But the rest of it is too much letting go again. He will stay strong. He will. He won't take a single step back. He will move forward as he always has.

But for right now he's just going to get tears and some snot in your hair, sorry about that. At some point his hands come around to grip Zoro in a sort of hug, gripping the front of his clothes now as he tries to hold it in and can't and just cries angrily until his throat is raw]

[No problem, Luffy. He'll just have to bathe (second time this week, shocking) later. Zoro keeps his shoulders strong and square, a nice big, safe rock for his captain to lean on and let it out.

Inwardly, he vows to himself that he'll never be responsible for making Luffy cry like this. Never. He won't die, and make Luffy grieve. No injury could hurt as much as this.]

[after some time it peters out. He's just too tired to do it anymore. He's tired of losing people and tired of this place. So he just leans there, letting Zoro's shirt go, his arms hanging limply.

But Zoro is still there. Zoro is always there.

When it counts.

His voice is rough and creaky when he speaks, as if he's just about to lose it]

You're not allowed to go.

You're stuck with me forever.

[it's a fact. He did say Davy Jones would have to drag him kicking and screaming against his will, didn't he?

His hand comes up again, finding Luffy's face and patting him.]

Let's get home to see 'em again, okay?

[he likes the affection, but don't feel the wet on his face, okay? Even if he's too tired to care too much. He's glad he's stuck with Zoro forever. If Mihawk couldn't kill him then maybe nothing could. Except nothing could have killed Ace either...

But he was too sad to think about that and tired of being sad... He nodded at Zoro's words about going home, sniffing and then clasping his opposite wrist, holding Zoro in a loose hug.]

'M hungry.

[he is a little. He doesn't want to eat but he's gotta. He doesn't want to leave Zoro's side either or let go. It's a problem]

[Ah, shit. And without a cook, who's going to feed them? Feed the bottomless pit that is Luffy.]

Let's see if there's anything in the fridge.

[He's willing to drag a Luffy backpack to the galley and see what their options are.]

'K.

[that's good. Luffy will be a backpack then. He'll help out by hooking his legs around Zoro's waist so he doesn't drag behind, but otherwise doesn't move.]

[good monkey, just don't kick the swords.

Of course, it doesn't occur to Zoro until they get into the galley that he's never been given the key or combo to the lock on the fridge. Whoops. Hopefully someone has it. He diverts to check the pantry instead, and see if there's anything they can nibble on. Fruit? Probably. Bread? Maybe. Meat, alas, that's in the fridge.]

[he won't kick the swords. He's very careful of what's precious to Zoro. He doesn't really care that the fridge lock is there. Well--he does kind of cuz it reminds him that Sanji's not there to open it. He's not even invisible. Just gone. The galley seems big and empty without him.

The pantry is a little cramped and his leg keeps brushing against the shelves, but it makes him lift his head and rest his chin on Zoro's head as he looks with smarting eyes at what he wants to eat. None of it looks tasty.]

We can have onigiri.

[it was more Zoro's thing, but Luffy liked onigiri, too and Zoro really liked it so Luffy would feel good eating something Zoro liked with him]

[oooh...onigiri. Just one problem.]

I dunno how to cook rice.

[let alone shape those little balls into perfect triangles, with the little strip of seaweed...

...shit, he already misses the delicate care the cook takes with their food.]

Think Robin does? Or maybe Keimi?

It's easy. You just put it in a pot. [he's seen Sanji do it loads of times] And then you gotta put fire under it. [because cooking, duh] And when smoke comes out it's done.

[he's watched the cook, too, and while he doesn't know the steps, he knows it's more complicated than that. Something nags at him. He steps out of the pantry in order to look at the cold stove and the clean pots and pans.]

...you know he'll kill us if we ruin his kitchen.

[far from not caring, he cares a lot.]

[Luffy knows. He pets Zoro's hair absently as he thinks. They could ask Keimi or Robin he guesses, or they could make something else, or they could take a nap. He just sort of wants to sleep and maybe tomorrow will be happier but--]

What do you want to do?

[pet pet]

[he just sort of stands there for a bit, gazing at the empty kitchen without seeing it]

Don't know.

[a minute later he rouses himself and glances over his shoulder] ...I want to make sure you've got everything you need. Whatever it is. If I can't do it, I'll find someone who can.

[it hurt to see Zoro spacing out like that. Luffy straightened, wanting to do something, too. Anything that would make Zoro feel better-- but he couldn't think of it. All he could think of was how lonely the galley felt and how empty.

When Zoro spoke again, though, Luffy couldn't help but feel happy. It wasn't the giddy kind of happy that got him energized-- and a lot of sad was still there. But he felt warm and glad that he had nakama and grateful that Zoro was one of them.]

Okay. [he believed in Zoro. Trusted him. And would do the same for him--whatever he could. And if he couldn't think of anything right now, he would know when the time came. He rested his chin back on Zoro's hair, relaxing against him and letting out a long breath]

Let's figure out how to get onigiri.

[he loves you too, Luffy. Giving him a mission to focus on keeps him from retreating into his thoughts.]

Yosh. Keimi's probably in her workshop, we'll try that way first.

[and if he has to tote his captain backpack the whole way, he will.]

Okay. [yeah he's not going to let go anytime soon] She's gonna build me a statue.

[said blandly. because it's cool and he wants to care about it right now though it's so hard]

Oh yeah?

[it's hard to care, but he's trying.]

Didn't know she could do that kinda stuff, I thought she just sewed.

She's gonna get a big needle, I guess. And stuff. [woo.] And then I can shoot fireballs with it and stuff. [yay. He buries his nose in Zoro's hair and sighs.]

[snorts a tiny laugh. Goofball.]

You're stronger than fireballs, though. What d'ya need that for?

Mm because it's cool. [why else?] And it's going to have a bit straw hat and I can step on everybody and make huge footprints. [he's starting to cheer up a little just thinking about it]

Stepping on people isn't cool. How'd you like it if a giant stepped on you?

[neverminding that he'd just rubber-ball right back, so no big deal. But he indulges the chatter, because he can hear the improvement already.]

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meatthefuture - 2014-12-10 21:05 (UTC) - Expand

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