[Voice]

[meatthefuture]

[there is quiet for a very long time. And it's almost as if the journal isn't open at all except for the quiet murmur of the ocean lapping at a still ship. They are anchored somewhere. It feels like they should be. Then Luffy says in a flat voice]

They've gone. A-Ace [his voice breaks a little but he swallows and says in a darker tone] and S-Sanji.

[It sounds like it hurts to say, and it does.

In any case, he leaves the book open on his lap, gripping it with his fingers and staring at nothing over the ocean as he sits on the figurehead. Nakama can find him there. But he won't be very talkative]

Comments

[thetruehistorian]

[Robin sits with her back against Luffy's.]

You know Sanji will be alright.

[It's not really comforting though, is it?]

[yourotherleft]

[It's a while before Zoro comes to talk to him. Or not talk, as the case may be. He's been even more quiet than usual, but at the same time, going about his business like nothing's wrong.

The denial is very strong with this one. Or maybe he's squashed his feelings so deep down inside that even he doesn't know how to find them.

But losing Ace, he knows that's gotta hurt. So eventually he sees the journal, and wanders over to lean on the railing, clearly within earshot in case of talking but not about to start talking if Luffy doesn't want it. Zoro doesn't want it either.]

voice;

[cherrybombpie]

Oh no . . .

[She liked Sanji well enough, but Ace was a friend. Her voice trembled slightly.]

[meatthefuture]

[he knew. Sort of. Sanji was facing off against someone pretty big back home and Luffy didn't know how it would turn out. He was mostly sure that Sanji would be alright but now he knew that sometimes it didn't. That wasn't what bothered him though. It was like the nightmare. People could leave and maybe everyone could leave...

And Ace...]

I wanted him to... come find me back then... I thought he would...

[even on the island with Rayleigh he had hoped for a while that maybe someone had saved him like Law had saved Luffy. That Ace would come and hit him and then they would have a feast. But it never happened]

[Voice]

[song_princess]

[Luffy.... Ace's little brother.... Moreso than ever is her role in her life is more important.]

Would you like a song, Luffy?

[meatthefuture]

[he can be in denial if he wants to, but Luffy knows that some part of Zoro hurts a lot and is hurting and missing Sanji--even if they'll see him again. It might not be the same and they might not even remember.

As for himself--

Ace was gone again in the way Sabo had been the first time. He didn't see him go. Didn't know how he went. But he knew for sure that he was dead. Even if Sabo wasn't now, Ace really was. And it felt like the hole in his heart was starting to get ripped wider again. He hadn't had a chance to do anything. Marco hadn't had a chance to take him anywhere. He was just gone and Luffy hated it.

But there was nothing he could do and no one he could punch.

But he wasn't going to get knocked down by this. Not again. He had to be strong for everyone even if he was all alone in doing it. And strong for Zoro, too, who didn't know he needed it.]

You gotta keep drinking so he won't be annoyed if he comes back.

[his voice is strained and wavering a bit because it's hard to talk but he manages to sound strong enough he hopes]

voice;

[meatthefuture]

Sanji's gonna be okay. [he doesn't really know about her and Ace. Anyway, he can't say the same thing]

[Voice]

[meatthefuture]

Sure.

[it sounds more blunt than he's usually given to talking. Only it's really hard to talk... and hearing Leanne's voice-- knowing that she was on that crew-- it just made it all the harder.]

[yourotherleft]

[it doesn't hurt right now. Give him a day or two and the ache will become clearer.

Zoro raises an eyebrow at him. Poor Luffy.]

Why do I need to keep drinking for that?

[if he were the super-fluffy type, he'd already be hugging Luffy. As it is, he wants to do something. They weren't there, last time, but he's here now.]

[Voice]

[song_princess]

As you wish.

[She goes to take a deep breath and goes to sing a semi-sad song, pouring her entire soul into the song.]


[ooc; the song is most likely May it Be by the Celtic Women.]

[meatthefuture]

Because you like it! You have to keep doing what you like even if it hurts!

[and that's the hardest thing of all because when it hurts this bad he doesn't want to do anything. He wants to punch something or break something and he's not happy and he hates it so so much. But there is only the sea and his nakama and Merrily and he won't hurt the ship because Merrily isn't as strong as Sunny is.]

[Voice]

[meatthefuture]

[shut up. He's not crying! You're crying! He's grateful but it hurts and he doesn't know how to make it stop]

It's too sad, damnit!

[yourotherleft]

Luffy...

[he breathes a quiet sigh. He can tell, this has nothing to do with him and everything to do with Ace. Zoro just sort of rubs his face tiredly.]

What makes you think I woulda stopped?

[meatthefuture]

Because it hurts, stupid!

[he didn't mean to yell but he did and now he wants to-- But he won't because he's going to be strong this time. He needs to learn how to be strong no matter what. So he just hunches his shoulders and pushes his hat down, annoyed and frustrated]

[yourotherleft]

[Yep. Thought so.

Zoro turns so his back is against the railing next to the figurehead, and folds his arms over his chest. Head down, it looks like he's going to nap standing up. But he doesn't.]

I'm sorry we weren't there for you.

[That time. He can't even express the way it felt when Mihawk told him, point blank, of what he'd seen on that battlefield.]

[Voice]

[song_princess]

[She hears that crying and continues to sing. When he speaks, she stops singing and just goes to coo gently and warmly at him.

She doesn't speak quite yet, just giving him the opportunity to vent it all out if he wishes to.]

voice

[trafalgar]

[Talk about deja vu.]

Leaving here isn't a bad thing.

[Because that's what it sounds like happened here, rather than anything too..serious. Could be worse. Yeah.]

voice

[meatthefuture]

[his eyes widen at the voice] Torao? You're here?! Oi, Torao! Where are you?! Hey come here! You're supposed to be here! Oi!

[meatthefuture]

I don't care about that stuff. It's in the past. [and they couldn't help it so he doesn't blame them] Stop talking about sad things! [oh wait... Zoro is going to be sad, too. He clenches his fingers against the wood of the figurehead] Unless you gotta...

[yourotherleft]

Still. I've never said it, so I'm saying it.

[and that's all he needs to say. As to the rest, he shakes his head slowly.]

I'm not sad. I promise.

[Voice]

[meatthefuture]

[he's too mad to cry very long and he scrubs his tears away with his sleeves] I wanna be happy!

[meatthefuture]

[he nods, accepting it. Zoro needs to say it and he'll accept hearing it but only once at the other part he turns around, a little shocked]

What? Why not? Aren't you going to miss him? Doesn't it hurt? Doesn't it make you want to punch something? [he'd see Sanji again, true, but--] How come you're okay?

[yourotherleft]

[lifts his head toward Luffy. Nothing in his expression says he's lying or faking it]

Because we'll all be together again. The crew. We'll see everybody again even if it's not here. It sucks that we don't have a good cook to take care of us, but we'll survive.

[meatthefuture]

[he knows Zoro's not. It makes sense. But it's frustrating. Even if he knows that he can't stop the missing and then--there will be someone he's not going to see again no matter how much he misses.]

Not everyone. [the feelings are bubbling inside him with nowhere to go and it feels like his head is going to explode with it but he can't do anything. He grabs the back of Zoro's clothes in frustration and tugs at him, but not enough to try to overbalance him or anything, he just wants to pull or do anything to release this feeling]

I was gonna help! Marco was gonna do stuff! Ace is fine with dying but I'm not! I don't want anyone to! [he has both fists bunched into Zoro's shirt now and wants to shake him back and forth, wants to test his strength. Wants to do something] Why did that bastard have to send him away?!!

[yourotherleft]

[tolerates it, because he knows. He knows, Luffy, so you can yank on him and shake him all you want. Maybe even punch him. He can take it. Zoro is a mountain of calm, arms still folded, though he's glad his shirt isn't buttoned or else it'd be choking him by now.]

Because he doesn't care. Davy Jones is a first-class asshole and doesn't give a shit what we need or want. We don't even know what he wants except to fuck with our lives.

[okay so maybe he's a little angry at the situation.]

...it's not fair, no. But if Ace was okay with it, then...