piratejournal | 8th rise of the phoenix ஜ Voice

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8th rise of the phoenix ஜ Voice

The gods know I seriously doubt this world will fall into a repetitive wheel regarding the shit it throws at us. But I suppose it doesn't hurt to be careful and given that I know some people work better with actual warnings than with calls for their common sense...

For all of those who weren't here last year, in case no one has told you. Around those days, last year, we encountered several "ghost ships" while sailing through a thick mist. If that were to happen again, beware of them, those ghosts couldn't be harmed in any way as far as I know, yet if they touched someone they could change them. Or even outright kill them.

Now that I think of it, other than a day in which everyone talked like bad pirate imitations, the ghost ships were the first really strange shit I saw in this world. Not counting islands, of course, those are a whole different category. [Speaking of which...] Anyone knows any other way to destroy an island that doesn't involve burning it? Or at least a way to destroy the plant life there.

[Not that he plans to return just yet, not even to get rid of the flowers. But it never hurts to know.]

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[The silence stretches as Ikki pretty much hides his face, his ears turning red.]

I think... We did it like.. Twelve times? At least, didn't really get to sleep until mid-morning.

[He sounds like a weird mixture of proud, smug and nervous wreck because... Wow, part of him still can't believe he did it, except because...]

And we slept together again some days ago. When we had already left the island for good. Pretty sure she's still with Aya, though.

[So don't go thinking that they are a thing again because... They aren't. Ikki's not sure what they are, or what he's doing other than that it's probably bad and he doesn't care. Because he loves Selphie and wants her to know, beyond any shade of doubt.]

[He has to outright hide his smirk behind a hand, though his eyes dance in amusement.]

[He outright wants to say, "See? Not so bad is it?" but the last part gives him some pause.]

[Not much, but some.]

[Of course she is.... she would be, wouldn't she? Only he's not sure if it's what Ikki wants, or what Selphie wants, because he very much doubts they've spoken much about it.]

[So he ruffles Ikki's hair again before quietly picking Ikki up in a piggyback.]

Congratulations, eh?

[But what of the rest...?]

[In Marco's own context, he's glad he avoided the island like it would turn him into liquid goop, because he had enough trouble not getting high just off of watching all the shipping from his designated crow's nest post.]

[Still, as soon as he realized what it might be, he avoided it utterly so as to avoid even accidentally cheating on Robin.]

[Which leaves the question how Aya fits into all of this. He doubts Ikki could truly handle a polyamorous relationship, hell, Marco barely could, and only with people he trusted with more than his life. People he trusted with his emotions, and sanity. And that often excluded his family.]

[Still between the inexperience and phoenix side of things--]

[But yet again, Marco doesn't wish to underestimate Ikki nor Selphie.]

[Marco quietly tickles under Ikki's chin as he thinks it over more.]

Then I suggest you keep talking with her about it, eh?

[Maybe Ikki was already planning to, and maybe that was redundant. Still, Marco knew himself, and he knew Ikki, well enough to know that given the chance to avoid discussing it, either or both of them would avoid it as much as possible.]

If she was lonely before there's nothing saying you can't stop that feeling now, eh?

[Another headpat.]

And I'll always help in any way I can, of course.

Have you told Thatch yet?

[Only asked because Marco knew he'd sent Ikki to Thatch to discuss sex so getting over that barrier would make Thatch proud.]

[There's a soft growl of complaining as Marco picks him up and tickes his chin. He's not a brat damnit! But he doesn't really move away either, so it's clear that he's more embarrassed than anything yet acknowledges he needs this. That he needs his older brother, though he's not sure for what.]

Keep talking with her about it... What do you mean?

I told her... I told her I still loved her. I expanded my Cosmos and connected it with hers so she could know, beyond what my words could say. I told her I wanted to be with her more.

There's nothing more I can say.

[Excluding "break up with that asshole who not only doesn't know when someone is posing as you but had the nerve to abandon the crew without even saying anything to anyone but you", of course. He could say that. He wants to say it. But he can't. He can't force Selphie to choose, he can just wait.

There's a heavy sigh as he shakes his head.]

I didn't told anyone until now. I'm not sure if I should... I... I'm a horrible person, am I not? I know that she's with someone else and loves them but I still... I try to steal her away even if I don't deserve her.

I don't want anyone disappointed in me... Are you?

[Because God knows he doesn't really know how to feel about himself, part of him is happy and smug, other hates himself.]

Do you think I'm turning like my father?

[A pause and Marco blinks, trying to figure out how to convey what he means.]

No, Ikki, not at all.

[He's very firm about it, and not extra loud in case the other bird-whisperers are around, but still, firmer than a steel wall about it. Unmovable. Nothing could convince Marco otherwise.]

Love is tricky, yoi.

I love Thatch, but it doesn't stop me from being with Robin.

[He knows he needs to explain it, but he's not sure how. The differences in loves isn't something he fully gets either. And the rest you learn by doing. Everyone was different, so love worked differently for them too. Except the phoenix thing. How much did it even affect them both? Marco hadn't even had enough time to ask Jean Grey.... and he knew there were complications anyway.]

[Being a phoenix was a mess, and Marco would be the first to say so.]

[He leaves Ikki on his shoulders and pats him on the head again before jumping his way up to the crow's nest using his hybrid form.]

You can never disappoint me, baby brother. So long as you keep struggling to live, I'll always be proud of you. Our Pops would be too. Don't forget whose nakama you are now, eh?

[He sets Ikki down and grabs a seat next to him, checking his cubbyhole to see if anyone else noticed and raided it of booze. Seeing as it's now empty: that'd be a yes. Bastards.]

You can't steal the unwilling. She's not an object, eh? Treasure, aye. [Marco waves a hand with a small grin.] But she'll do as she pleases. And you said yourself she was with you after the island, so you know it wasn't just that.

Beside, both our fathers liked to have lots of pretty women at one time. You are only jealous because you only want one and do not like having to share. That is as opposite as I can possibly think of, eh?

But that's not the same type of love... Is it?

[He always thought that there was a difference between the love Marco had for Thatch and Robin. Even if on the surface someone could probably say that it was the same, Ikki doesn't really think so. Then again, what does he know about love?

Ikki doesn't answer as Marco says that he can never disappoint him, he's not so sure. Even if he knows that he's not the only one with blood that he curses running through his veins, he can't help to think that he has room to be much worse. To one day become as despicable as his father... Or even worse.]

... Sorry. I took them out when Selphie and I ran out of bottles ourselves and forgot to refill it.

[At least he has the decency to look ashamed right now.]

I know she's not an object. I will kill whoever says otherwise but... I'm being unfair. I took advantage of the island, I used the pollen for my convenience to make sure she would be receptive. And she has been with me after that but... Maybe it's just because Aya isn't here and she's just lonely.

[Cute....]

[Marco wears a small wry grin again about the bottles, and even just Ikki being Ikki again.]

[One hand is back to obscuring the smirk, but the other he waves in regards to dismiss both the alcohol & Aya.]

Have more respect for the lady's choices if you can't regard yourself as worthy. If anything, she was with Aya out of loneliness. Don't underestimate how much she returns your affections mate.

I know that she loves me... Part of her. When I connected our Cosmos to show her how I felt, she showed me too, she felt the same and all... But... I also know she feels guilty for doing this while still being with Aya.

And she's not breaking up with him, so she must have a reason not to. Maybe she's just confused because she thought I hated her and now is mistaking her own emotions.

[Or maybe not, but then why is she still with Aya? Aya who isn't even in the same crew anymore. Why does she feel guilty about doing that with Ikki?]

To be honest... Right now I don't care. If I can have a bit of her even if she will ditch me to run back to him... I'll just take what I can.

Maybe, eh.

[Another head ruffle for Ikki.]

I'd be the same way with Robin.

Mah, but you already know that. [Venus and Mars? Was it really? Who knew.]

But if she does "run back" to him, as you say, you will have to give me very good reason not to be distressed on your behalf, yoi. And don't tell Haruta.

[Okay, that last bit distracts him a bit.]

Why not tell Haruta?

[Not that he planned to go around telling but... What shouldn't he tell Haruta to begin with?]

Haruta gets... hoppy about such things.

["Hoppy" is not a proper adjective but Marco seems to think that it is.]

[Ikki arches an eyebrow at that.]

You're going to have to be a bit more descriptive or I'll do it just to see what you mean.

[Sighs and holds a hand to his head.]

Like a spring, eh? All tightly wound up and then unleashed. That is why she and Ace get along so well. They both do that. Only Haruta's is more like a frog.

[Mimes a frog hopping about with his hand.] Hoppy.

[The arched eyebrow doesn't go down at that explanation, but then again it may be because he's still unclear about one thing.]

And what exactly is what I shouldn't tell her?

[He thinks about it.]

[Then thinks about it some more.]

[And then bluntly:]

All of it.

[That makes Ikki laugh openly despite himself. Honestly he's not sure he gets it yet, but whatever, it's not like he planned to go around telling and if Marco says he shouldn't, he won't. He really doesn't want to say much until things are more clear.

But he can't really just go and tell Selphie that and force her choose. Not just because it may lead to her choosing too rushely but... Because it may lead to "this", whatever it should be called, ending way sooner than it would otherwise. And he would like to enjoy this a bit more, as twisted as that is.

His laughing stops and he's silent for a moment before he hides his face again.]

I was her first.

[And he chuckles at that, because it's honestly funny.]

That idiot didn't touch her more than I did. And she gave herself to me as a whole... She's fucking addictive, yoi.

[Laughs with him and tugs Ikki into a one-armed hug lightly giving him an affectionate noogie.]

You two are too damn cute, yoi!

Okay okay, you don't have to tell her everything. But if she and Aya haven't gotten far, you might want to make sure to keep it that way, eh?

[Gently pokes Ikki's side with a sly grin.] Give her reason to stay. You don't have to make her know that you're better for her than Aya, but show her why you are.

Of course I want to keep it that way. But it's not my decision, it's hers.

[Ikki's insistence on Selphie deciding on that is almost pathological, but he needs it. He needs her to be the one to decide, to convince himself that he's not forcing her or coaxing her into it somehow.]

... Assuming that I am indeed better... How would I show her the why?

[Marco doesn't even bother hiding his amused chuckle at that. Cute baby brother abububu, acting like Ace, abububu.]

You are the better for her, yoi!

Be here for her. I can't tell you everything, because I promised her I wouldn't, eh? But she thinks she might say anything wrong that will set you off and make you run away from her. Show her you know you know you are not perfect either, and that you want to be around her, you just worry that you will smother her, eh? It is one thing to know how much you love her, it is quite another to understand what you'll do with it.

[Closes one eye almost in a wink.]

You said once she wants a fairy tale romance as if from a novel. Take it from someone who's read those kinds of books, she doesn't want that, but she does want to know you can handle not getting hurt if she messes up.

[He rubs the back of his head in thought.] Come to think of it, Ikki, that's what made me realize I was willing to take the risk with Robin. I was so worried about protecting only her, I needed to realize she needed me to protect myself too, eh? Otherwise if I got hurt from her, she would regret it too.

You're my big brother, I don't think you would say that I'm not good easily. So your opinion doesn't count... Yoi.

[He listens to the rest and... Marco's right. He knows that, what Selphie wants, what she needs, is someone who will be there for her. Someone who will love her everyday and show it so she never feels abandoned again. It's not about sex, or dates, or being there for a New Year's party, she wants those too, of course, she wants the whole package but... The basic is very simple. He gets it now.

But precisely because of how simple it is, he knows that he's not the only one who can do it.]

I told her once before, I'll say it again. I'm always hurting. That can't change, I can't avoid it. I'm always going to be hurt. And she's going to hold the biggest weapon to hurt me even more, how can I protect myself from that while still being with her?

It's okay, though. I'm ready for her to hurt me, I'll endure it and show her that even with that weapon nothing can take me down. Isn't that good enough?

[Tugs Ikki into a one-armed hug again and gives a small squeeze before nodding.]

There's always hurting, and there's wearing your heart on your sleeve where she'll always accidentally be able to crush it no matter what.

But....

That doesn't mean we can't survive it anyway, yoi.

That's our job, our lot in life as phoenixes, eh?

[He looks up at the sky, and whistles softly again.]

The only other person who seems to get that is Thatch, I think. I don't know if that's because he and I shaped so much of who we are now, or something else.

[Masochism, sadism? The dark edge in both of them? Had Thatch started off sunnier but stole some of Marco's darkness so that Marco could always shine brighter? he can't even remember now, even though he knows Thatch made him able to shine as brightly as this. How, why, is a mystery beyond Marco.]

[Marco just lightly knocks a fist to Ikki's chin in barely a tap.] But being invincible just so someone is, that's our job too, eh? No failing now.... or ever.

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8th rise of the phoenix ஜ Voice

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