piratejournal | Voice Action for the SH

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Voice Action for the SH

[he is sitting on one of the hermit crab homes with a violin case on his lap]

Brook is gone.

I don't wanna stop missing people, but it's hard. There's a some people I'm gonna see again but a lot of people I don't know.

But even if I'm gonna see 'em again or not, missing them hurts. Like before I was rubber and tried to swallow an orange.

But I don't wanna hurt. I wanna be happy.

So what do you do to be happy?

[anything can help at this point. He pulls the violin out and plays a few screechy notes. It's a tribute. A bad one. But a tribute nontheless]

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[Just as she thought, he doesn't understand, or at least doesn't think it's right. She's not surprised. And when he talks about Anna it's almost as if she's hearing her speaking.]

Anna wants stuff, she wants many things. I just happen to be one of them.

[She knows that Anna wants her, how could she not? Her sister spent years trying to get her out, to recover her. But that's not the only thing Anna wants, and despite the doors separating them, Elsa knows that quite well.

The next part, though, is unexpected. Something she wouldn't have been able to even imagine and she stares at Luffy for a long moment. "Unless you find something for yourself". Unless she finds something for herself. Her expression wavers between anger and absolute hurt, unsure what she should be feeling more, and she's shocked enough to not even think about concealing those emotions.]

"Find something for myself"... You mean find something else for myself, don't you? And where should I go to find that "something" in your opinion? Another crew? Maybe it's in some island in this world. It's okay if I have to leave the crew to find it, distance doesn't mean we're not nakama, right?

It just means that you won't have to deal with me. That if Anna returns, she won't have to deal with me "being jealous" because I thought I had something for myself. A place where I belonged and wanted to belong. And she's taking it away even when she's not here anymore!!

[Anger. She settles with anger as she shakes her head.]

I shouldn't be surprised, it's just like I thought. It's okay, I'll try to do that, I'll try to find something for myself. And I'll be more careful when thinking that I had found it, since I thought I had and you just cleared up that I was wrong.

[she's twisting everything around and suddenly he doesn't understand. What is she even talking about? It's frustrating and it's making him mad]

Shut up! We're nakama, damnit! [he stamps his foot against the ground, annoyed] Nakama share everything. They share each other and adventures and have fun and put their lives on the line for their dreams. I won't let anyone talk like we're not nakama, even you!

If your dream is that you just wanna belong, that's fine! You belong with us because you like us and we like you! But Anna's not doing anything. You're doing stuff! You're the one saying stuff! And it's okay cuz everyone gets scared sometimes or jealous but you gotta share!

Oh, of course Anna's not doing anything. She never does anything wrong! It doesn't matter that she was reckless and didn't listen when I told her to slow down, that's not her fault, it's mine for having powers and hitting her in the head! Even though it was her idea, even though she wouldn't have fall if she had listened to me! And it doesn't matter that she was ready to marry a stranger and forcing a private conversation in the middle of the ball. The one being wrong was me! It's always me the one at fault and the one who has to be punished and scolded!

[But of course he doesn't care about that, it doesn't matter to him and he wouldn't understand anyway. And Anna doesn't do anything wrong. Ever.]

You're not even making any sense! First you say that I have to find something for myself and now you say that I've to share! I have no problems sharing! The only one I can't share with is Anna, and that's because she takes everything!!! And I know, it makes sense, she's warm and fun, why wouldn't she have everything?

[he doesn't know how to answer that. He doesn't know how to answer her. He doesn't care about past stuff and Anna isn't even here. He doesn't get what she's so mad about but it's making him mad and he's tired of being mad and sad about nakama leaving or people not understanding. He doesn't know what to say and maybe she'll work it out on her own and maybe she won't. He doesn't know what will happen. But he's tired of feeling this way]

I'm going to sleep.

[and he flops there on the sand and puts the hat over his eyes]

[As she watches him lay down and put his hat over his eyes, Elsa finally notices how hard she's breathing. How breathless she is. Not even when she ran away from Arendelle, all the way to North Mountain, was she left so breathless. So tired.

So sad.

It hurts, deep in her chest, it's all hurting again. It hasn't hurt like that in three years, when her parents died, when Anna was alone, crying in front of her door. She hates that feeling, that pain, it tears her heart and soul, and she doesn't know why nor how to make it stop. Luffy may not understand... But the truth is that Elsa herself can't say for sure that she understands either. Her thoughts and feelings keep getting tangled together and she can't just pick one thread and pull it out without everything else following suit. She can't figure things out by herself and she feels she doesn't even know where to start from to try to find help to figure them out.

And suddenly it's there again, the feeling of being alone even when she doesn't want to. The feeling of being swallowed whole by her curse and the world of ice and cold to which she belongs.

She's tired and sad. The wave of anger washes away, reminding her of how stupid it was to get angry about things that simply are. They are mere facts of life: the sun rises in the east, the day evolves into night, number two comes after number one, Anna's a victim and Elsa's the one at fault. In her anger, for a moment, she had thought that it wasn't fair, why had their parents put all the blame on her? She hadn't wanted to hit Anna, she tried to save her, it had been Anna the one who was reckless and came up with the idea in the first place. Like always. Anger had whispered how it wasn't fair that she had to avoid people and be alone because she was dangerous while Anna ran with her bike across the halls, tripping and falling down the stairs without no one saying a word even if she could have killed herself easily with those antics. Now that the anger is fading away she realizes how unreasonable she was being, she's no one to challenge the facts of life.

There's a heavy sigh before she steps forward, closer to Luffy, but not too close. With just a thought a trail of ice spreads from under her feet and raises as an ice wall, she leans back against it and slids down until she's sitting on the sand as well. She's tired. She's sad. She's hurting. She misses Anna and at the same time doesn't, because somehow suddenly Anna is scary, because she means that Elsa can't have what she wants. The Anna that talked about an Arendelle with Elsa as a queen who didn't hide her powers and was loved by her people and together with Anna... There had been a time when Elsa had dreamed of that, but ever since she arrived here, since she joined the Straw Hats, she had stopped wanting that. Or rather, she wanted more than that.

Elsa glances at the snowman, who is all silent and still, noticing curiously how all the small faces look just as sad as she feels. Maybe even more. Luffy's idea to go to sleep may have been anti-climatic, but it sounds like a good one at the moment. Mushies is there, it can keep watch if it's needed. So she does just that, closing her eyes and trying to empty her head of thoughts. Deciding to try to forget it all once they are back up again, because it hurts and it's tiring and she can't see how it's worth it.

Life was easier when she concealed and didn't feel, when she didn't try to let others know what was inside of her.]

[it was cold, but he didn't mind it because it meant Elsa was there. He moved just a little closer but not touching as he folded his hands over his stomach. He didn't know what to do but... he took off the hat and put it on her head. Because she was nakama. And it was a promise. And maybe she needed to remember in another way.]

Don't be sad forever.

[and that was an order. He turned over on his side facing her and let himself sleep. It was easier sometimes because when things were hard, dreams could be better]

[She doesn't open her eyes when she feels Luffy shifting, part of her starts to wonder if he's getting up to leave, rightfully mad at her. But before the thought finishes there's something warm on her head, and she has to open her eyes as she raises a hand to touch and see the straw hat.

Luffy gives a difficult order, because right now she feels as if she could be sad forever. But she nods anyway, because she doesn't want to be sad forever either. She wants to smile and laugh. So she makes an affirmative sound, because her voice is too shattered to work now and there's still too much sadness, it would slip in her tone and she wouldn't sound sincere. She doesn't know how to do it. But she wants to obey that order some day.

Her hand remains on the had a bit more, pressing it against her head before she falls asleep as well.]

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Voice Action for the SH

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