piratejournal | [voice - backdated to 1st September, following fighting from the rescue mission!]

No. I'll be fine. I'm not going to be running round of doing anything crazy anyway.

*Though she had thought it would have been much easier to fake her energy than it apparently really would be. As for running, she wouldn't be doing too much thanks to the large cut she had down her leg from the attack, though she doesn't say anything about it. Though it's there in her thoughts. It wasn't nearly as important as what Ikki was going through*

Why would I think less of you? That doesn't make sense. You got hurt trying to help people, protecting others too I bet, and you're persevering. So no, I don't think less of you. The whole not being to be spatially aware is pretty hilarious though. I mean, I pretty much had to wrestle you to the bed.

*As it was, even as his hand touched her face, Selphie's own hand hovered over his, since it was shaking, and she didn't think being poked in the eye would be a good idea. She felt a surge of warmth at his last statements, laughing out as though very happy, but also amused*

Forever, huh? Maybe you should be careful too - that's a long time, you know!

{What about your own wounds?}

[He doesn't know what injuries she may have sustained, but he's sure that she's not without a scratch, unfortunately. Their opponents weren't mere rookies or idiots and it had been a long and draining fight for everyone. It would be overly optimistic to think that she wasn't hurt, even if in comparison his own situation is worse than hers.]

{Hilarious, huh? Good to see that someone finds something to laugh about.}

[He doesn't share her opinion, but he doesn't blame her for finding it funny. In his mind, though, that's the same as finding him pathetic, at least in this state. He would have preferred to never show her a sight of him being like that.]

{I know it's a long time, remember? Eternity may end being mine after all.}

They're no big deal. Nothing really. Just a little cut. It'll take much less to heal this than for you to get better.

*She sighs gently as she looks into his unseeing eyes, hoping hard that she'll be able to really make things better for him. Again, she lifted some hair from his face, even if he couldn't see it or feel it*

Sorry - I didn't mean for that to sound cruel or anything but - it's just - if I don't think about it in a funny way it's... hard.

*Because seeing him like this was difficult - not hearing or seeing or feeling. She felt so sad for him the way he was like that*

Hm - thought it was good to remind you to be careful. Just in case I do hang around forever and you just get bored!

{Then I expect to see you fully healed once I'm better.}

[So she better takes really good care of herself.

He's silent for a moment after that, his thoughts blocked from her during that time.]

{Hard, because you pity me?}

[The thought feels heavy, as if the question hides more than what it seems to be. Does she just care because of that? Because she pities him? He's so pathetic and lame in this state, he's pitiable and she can't bring herself to walk away from that. He is grateful for that, though it would be a bit bitter if it was so.]

{Boredom wasn't our problem, was it?}

Alright. I will be. I promise! You can check it if you like too!

*But then in the silence Selphie grew suddenly nervous, moving her hand away from his, and she glanced away from his face, not that he could see her expression*

No. That's not what I mean.

*She sounded hurt by the statement, upset that Ikki would suggest such a thing about her. She bit her lip and stared at her feet, frowning*

It hurts because... I don't like seeing you hurt like this. I know you don't like it - but it's not like I'm pitying you. Not in that way - not in any way.

*She took a deep breath and ran her hands through her hair distractedly. Selphie stopped though at the last thing he said, seeming to hold her breath*

Hn? Wh-what do you mean?

{Just because I can see part of what you think doesn't mean I can see everything. I could but... I told you I wouldn't dive too deeply.}

[Though part of him wants to. It would be easier, faster, than ask questions in hopes of getting an answer for something he's not asking. He didn't mean to hurt or upset her, but he doesn't want to assume. Doesn't dare to, there's probably nothing to assume after all.]

{It hurts? It hurts you to see me like this? ... Why?}

[His body sighs, his hand moving slightly, dropping to her shoulder and then down to her lap in a slow movement to avoid hitting her by accident. He ends pressing it against her thigh, hoping that it's the mattress and not that he's pressing against mere thin air. He looks away even if he can't see her, she can see him and his expressions, and he has no idea what expression he's making at the moment.]

{Exactly what it seems. Boredom was never our problem.}

Oh! Sorry! I know that! It's - this is weird... You're talking but - not talking. And it's like I can..feel you a bit more. It's a funny thing to try to get used to.

*Selphie watches as he drops his hand, a little surprised when it pressed against her thigh. She didn't mind so much, but she was sure that it wasn't where Ikki was happy leaving his hand*

Because I care.

*She picked up his hand to hold it in hers, then moved slightly so that it could actually drop to the mattress this time. She realised how quick and obvious her answer had seemed*

I mean, we're friends...right? That means we look out for one another.

*Selphie watches him turn away, and she leans ever so slightly closer to him*

No. You're right. It never was...

{I suppose that means it's a good thing that I'm blocking most of it all and keeping it at a minimum. It would be more confusing and strange for you otherwise.}

[And it would make him far more vulnerable to her.

He's not aware of the movements his hand goes through, so she finds no resistance from him. As far as he knows, his hand remains where it dropped in the first place since he didn't command it to move.

There's a pause in his thoughts as his Cosmos retreats from hers, breaking the connection. And a sudden void is visible, one that is always there but people like Selphie wouldn't usually notice as they are used to it. It's only for a couple of seconds before his Cosmos reaches for her again, Ikki's thoughts and emotions slipping to her mind once more.]

{Of course, friends and nakama help each other. Thank you.}

[And that's how things are best between them, he has to remind himself that. Besides, no matter what, he doesn't deserve more. He never deserved it, right from the start.]

{See? There's no reason to fear for me getting bored, that wouldn't be a problem.}

Proabably - I don't think my poor little feeble brain could handle all of that!

*She chuckles softly at herself, although she isn't sure if that was the sort of thing that could be heard through her thoughts. He definitely wouldn't be able to hear it or see it anyway*

Ikki...that's not fair...

*Her reproach is gentle, but when he seemed to disconnect like that it had left her feeling a little lost. As he slips back into her thoughts he can probably sense that she feels a little put out*

You can get all silent in my head, but I can't get all silent to you...

*Besides, when she'd tried to hide something she'd attempted to cloud it all over, but he'd asked her to stop so she did. Selphie sighs a little, lifting her head from where it had been almost lying on his shoulder*

Well, I'm glad. Cause if I'm gonna be looking after you for a few days then it'll be no problem since neither of us will be bored. I could even wear a little nurses outfit if you do get bored - not that you could see it!

*And she was back to trying to make things more lighthearted again*

{It would have been less fair for you to let you see that.}

[Despite his words he is apologetic and the feeling is clear in his thoughts. As he senses her thoughts, he realizes that there's something he has to clarify.]

{I wasn't asking you to stop clouding your thoughts. I just wanted you to stop thinking whatever you were thinking, it had a dark feeling to it so I assumed that you were again blaming yourself on things. Like thinking that I was angry because of what you had thought or that I didn't want you around... Or that you were angry and disgusted at yourself for thinking that of me.}

[Sure, he would have liked to know what she was thinking exactly, where the darkness came from, but he had promised to respect her thoughts as much as he could.]

{I suppose I could teach you how to use your Cosmos, so you could "get all silent to me" even when I do this... But I'm a selfish bastard who doesn't want you being able to vanish from my mind.}

[And he's not really sorry about that. Hate him all you want, Selphie, he knows he deserves it, but it's not going to change his mind.

There's again a pause at her next thoughts, though the link doesn't break this time. It's more like all his thoughts just freeze in place. When they restart, the first thing that slips is the mental image of Selphie in a nurse outfit. Just as she said and with a very short skirt showing off those legs of hers, being ready to take care of Ikki. The thought is quickly smashed away and hidden, but it's too late to deny that it existed. What comes next is pretty much a literal jumble of thoughts and a feeling that can only be described as "mental blushing".

When he finally settles down and manages out a clear thought, there's a sense of embarrassment due to the awful job he did blocking that from her.]

{Who's the one not being fair now?}

Oh. Right...

*She paused a moment to consider this, appreciating his apologetic tone. It was hard, having thoughts and having to cover them, knowing how dark they are. If anything, Selphie was sometimes worried that her emotions would be considered a sign of weakness, and she didn't want Ikki to think of her that way*

Hmm. Okay. Maybe this time I'll just have to deal with you being a 'selfish bastard'.

*Though that was only, as she thought about it, because she was being selfish too and really didn't mind the thought of Ikki staying so close. As he revealed his mental images, Selphie blushed and burst out into flattered giggles*

Hey! I look totally cute like that!
...but maybe you're being a little delusional... You sure you've had enough to eat and drink?

{You're the one who brought that up. How am I the one delusional when you put that in my mind?}

[She shouldn't say things like that if she didn't want him imagining it.]

What? What I meant was...delusional, ya know, that you'd think I'd look so good in a nurse's outfit! Besides, I thought it was the maid's outfit you liked.

*Selphie giggles a little more, then her thoughts and tone become a little more serious*

But really, are you sure you aren't hungry or thirsty? I could fetch you something, if you like. Never know, it might help you feel a bit better. Or - do you need some rest? I can let you get a nap or something if you need me to.

{Oh... I thought you meant delusional for thinking you would really dress like that to take care of me-... Forget that.}

[That wasn't meant to be an open thought. He tries to deny it, but it feels as a lie because it is, and she will notice it if he does so he gives up.

There may be a couple more of mental images of Selphie in different outfits besides the maid's one she mentioned, though they are all normal clothes than she has. He considers clarifying that it's not necessary the outfits what he likes but... No, it wouldn't be fair, so the thought dies and again there's nothing but the feeling that something big was left unsaid.

He focuses his thoughts on the next matter, finding it funny that she thinks he can know if he's hungry or thirsty.]

{I don't know. I can't sense my body, that includes my stomach and throat, so I don't know if it needs to eat or drink. I'm capable of staying months without eating and without being negatively affected by it. So if you don't want to bother with trying to feed me... It's okay.}

Hey - if the clothes that I wear are gonna help you get better then I'm willing to try!

*She's kidding. Or at least, she thinks that she's kidding - after all, she always thought that Ikki had never paid any attention to the clothes she wore. So she's pleasantly confused when he starts to go through different mental images. Even one of her in the yellow dress she has on now. But then there's that strange lingering feeling, that there's something missing from whe he said*

Oh - duh, Selphie! I knew that! But there's no way I'm letting you go so long without food or drink!

*Having made up her mind, Selphie stands up to her feet and looks at Ikki*

Listen, I'm gonna go get you something to eat, and something to drink too. After that, I think you should lie down and rest. I think it's easier if you stay here, so I'll try not to be too long. I'm sure Zeff will have something I can heat up for you. Okay?

[The yellow one is one of his favourites, and it's a feeling that accompanies the mental image easily. Just because he didn't compliment the gift wrapping didn't mean he didn't like it, it's just that he preferred what was inside of it. Which is also why it was hard for him to say anything about her clothes, everything looked fine in his eyes, because it was her the one wearing it.

He doesn't know if she's moving or not, but judging by her words he assumes she has, or is about to, and his hand raises up looking for her. He doesn't really want her to leave, even for a minute. Her Cosmos is right there, the closest to him, which he can touch even if he doesn't sense it. It may not be much, but it makes him feel less lost and helpless. He makes sure that she can sense that, maybe in a selfish attempt to ensure that she will come back.]

{I don't want that. But I know there's no arguing with you when you have made up your mind and it's about helping someone.

I'll be waiting here.}

[Not that he can do much else.]

*Selphie sees his hand lifting, and he'd be in danger of putting it against her hip if she doesn't hold onto it first. She squeezes it gently, not that he can tell, but she tries to show that that is what she's doing, trying to reassure him*

Ikki, I know. But...what if some of your senses come back and you can tell that you're starving or thirsty but you still can't see or something and you can't get up to go get food. What then?

You're right. I've made up my mind. I'll be back soon.

*Without even realising she was doing it, Selphie reaches forward to kiss him lightly at the top of his cheek. It's only when she disappears off to the kitchen that she wonders if he even noticed that she did it.

Selphie is gone for ten minutes or so, worrying about Ikki all the while, but smiling to herself at how nice things are, being close again. Not that she likes what has happened to him. She returns with a tray with a large glass of water, a small pot of green tea, and a bowl of soup with some bread. Once inside his room, she makes her presence known, then looks for somewhere to put the tray*

Ikki, I'm back.

[voice - backdated to 1st September, following fighting from the rescue mission!]

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