piratejournal | [Written] And now for something completely different from the last time

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[Written] And now for something completely different from the last time

Marco here.

Sorry for my state in the last post, and thank you very much to those sweet enough to humor me, you're too kind.

Bepo, and Vyse, I have duplicates of my maps for you, assuming you both still want them.

For everyone else, I've made about twenty copies of various maps and directions to the Corsair Naval Masquerade Ball. Likewise, in the interest of furthering piracy rebelling against lawful order, I will teach the basics of ranks to anyone with enough brains to actually hold the knowledge. Remember, if you want to go, wear formal costume, and pretend to be part of the navy. Anyone in the Spades wishing to help infiltrate must be able to perform a correct salute and demonstrate ability to discern when it's appropriate. Those who cannot may help infiltrate as waiters.

Thank you.
- Marco

Edited Addendum: Dance lessons for Spades unfamiliar with waltz, samba, and tango will be held every night this week. Namur's breakdance competition comes with a reward, but this style of dance is not acceptable for naval officers, sorry Nam-chan.

[Locked to Nico Robin]

I am embarrassed to say I have about three favors to ask of you.

[Locked to Grell Sutcliff]

Hello Kitten. How do you feel about getting a little vengeance, eh?

[Locked to Sebastian]

My phoenix brother and I are in the mood to spread our wings. Think you can get a babysitter that night to come have fun?

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[He switches over to voice.]

Relax, eh? I'm glad you stood up for yourself. He took off, proving he won't kill you, no matter how idiotic he's being.

You're not do anything wrong, you're both just on eggshells, eh? Sounds like anything either of you do is going to set each other off.

[A sigh.] He left because he's Ikki, he left because of his own problems, not yours, aye? Where are you now? Sounds like you could use a hug and some hot chocolate or tea, eh?

And you aren't at all a problem. At all. Got it? If anything, you're just taking a lot of the heat like a thermometer, eh? And I'm sorry for that. No more being a thermometer for Selphie, got it?

*Selphie wasn't expecting to hear his voice, and it takes her a moment or two to decide if she's going to switch to voice herself. She does, but she sounds strained, choked almost, speaking softly*

I don't know, Marco... I keep thinking that I was the one that made these problems. I brought back all these issues from his past. I know that isn't my fault, but - that day on the crow's nest... Maybe if I hadn't let him see me cry, maybe if I'd said something differently... Maybe none of this would be the mess it is.

*She takes a deep breath and lets it out in a stuttered sigh*

I'm just in my room, trying not to be a thermometer...

Mind if I come join you?

Of course! I'll be on my bed, surrounded by plushies. Just let yourself in.

That is adorable. Okay, I'll be there in two seconds.

[And indeed, he hops on over, joins her on the bed, and gives her a big sparklebird hug. Because phoenixes are great plushies okay.]

*While Selphie does hope she isn't squeezing him too hard, her hug probably shows just how badly she's needed a cuddle lately*

Thank you, Marco.

[Nah, he's a phoenix. Even Thatch has a hard time squeezing the stuffing out of Marco, and he has the ability to neutralize Marco's healing.]

Cheep!

[Have a snuggle.]

[And he pats her head and watches for a bit before switching mostly back to human, though he still leaves a phoenix wing around her shoulders.]

Remember when I said I've never let a woman see that much of me? Well, at least I had my Pops and Thatch. Pops taught me how to love, and Thatch taught me how to be human.

Ikki was trained in how to hate. He doesn't want to, but when he's at his worst, that's all left in him. The hate and anger. [He gently pets her head.] And his father was the opposite of mine. My Pops wanted a big family so he had treasure worth protecting. Ikki's father wanted a big family so they could be used as soldiers to protect the world.

He... doesn't view physical relationships the same way I do. Because he didn't have the pirate side to help him figure it all out, eh?

It's not your fault for crying, but when you do, when he realizes how much he's hurting you just by being himself, he hates himself and the only way he can keep from destroying himself is to lash out. Come here, eh? [He tugs her close in a hug and gently pets her shoulders and head.] What did you say in the forest?

*At least the snuggling seems to get a smile from her, and she continues to squeeze Marco, petting at his head. When he's more human, though, it seems to make her realise the more real aspect of all this, and she snuggles into that phoenix wing*

I hate it that I cried. I hate it that I showed him I was upset. Marco, I'm a pretty stubborn thing, and I don't ever let anyone see that side of me. Ever. But I trusted him and I - *Selphie trails off there, and lowers her eyes, reluctant to talk of any love she has for Ikki* I let him see that because I cared. But it didn't work out so well.

*Selphie bows her head more, focusing hard on the floor*

I dunno that I remember exactly... But I said hello, and that was a bad start, I guess. I mentioned the animals, and he just started going crazy about how he wasn't an animal, that I couldn't tame him. I was talking about the rabbits! Not him! And then - then he told me that he knew what I did, who I was with... Some stuff about...things I didn't get in my "childish brain". Then that if I ever tried talking to him again, or came near him, that he'd...make sure I was dead and wouldn't even be able to come back. So I told him that he wasn't the boss of me, that he couldn't just keep treating me like shit. And - well, then I kinda pushed him. I wanted to beat him up so bad. So what if that's wrong, but I did.

*Carefully, she lifts her eyes and turns to look at Marco, though she can't quite hold his gaze*

I'm tired, Marco. Feeling so horrible like this makes me tired. So I guess I snapped. But that made me feel tired too.

[Marco lightly ruffles her head, and tilts his own. He can't completely follow it.]

[He does remember asking Ikki if he felt like Selphie was trying to tame him. More because of the forest, and because Marco felt a little tamed himself by his father and Thatch, but he knows something more must have triggered an outburst like that.]

Hey... it's okay, kiddo. [Well, it wasn't, but it would be, close enough. There still some things he doesn't get, but he has to take time to think it through to even ask the right questions.] It's okay to cry. And it's okay to show him that, okay? If you're hurting, it hurts. He just hates himself when it happens and lashes out. And I don't think there's anything you can do to prevent that right now. So you'll just have to reach a point where you don't hurt so much you need to cry first, okay? But for now, you can cry with me, and I'll protect your tears. [Another head ruffle as he thinks and thinks and thinks.]

I don't want to harp on it, because I'm not sure the words are important, but I don't understand. What did you say about the animals that he thought you were comparing him to them? [Something about how at least they were at peace? Happy? Friendly? Knew what she did? Stayed with her?]

No. It's not okay to cry. I thought, for once, maybe it was. But clearly I was so wrong to think that. But it doesn't matter now anyway - nothing I could say or do would make any difference anymore. He doesn't care.

I don't know... *Selphie frowns as she tries to remember, trying to just ignore the way that she felt, and focus on what as said* He - he closed his eyes. He wouldn't look at me. So I said that even the animals were being kind of me. That was mean, maybe. But I was angry. Clearly I wasn't calling him an animal, but I dunno what I was saying. That's when he snapped, more than before.

*She sighs with frustration and shuffles uncomfortably*

No wonder he hates me. It's like I've done and said everything all wrong.

Hey.... easy Sunshine. He hasn't done everything right with you either, eh? It's a two way canal, like I said.

Okay.

Not looking at you is rude, but hear me out, so that you understand. First, you have to know that he must not have wanted to look at you because it would have hurt him to see you upset. To even just... look your way, eh? Secondly, on that island... [Marco closes his eyes and leans back again against the wood of the cabin.] Everything there we could feel the breath, the life force of. Ikki has really strong... ah in my world it's called haki. I forget what it's called in his world. Something to do with stars. Cosmos? It lets us sense the force of living things. Not just the breath of grass and trees and ants and birds, but you in particular are never far out of Ikki's mind. If you're miserable, it sends out a kind of signal. My brothers and I use that as an alarm system. That way we know when each other are okay, and we know when we're needed. I don't know the full range of Ikki's, but the more he loves you, the louder that signal is, even if he tries to shut it out.

[He clenches the fist of his hand that isn't around her shoulder.] In battle... at Marineford... that was why... Ahhh, I couldn't stop worrying about my Pops, eh? So even when I wasn't looking at him, I could still feel anything affecting him, and when he got hurt, I got too worried, eh? [He moves the fist to his forehead, leaning his head back wearily.]

Which is why... the idea that Ikki would hurt you on purpose is... unlikely. He doesn't hate you. He hates the pain, definitely, but not you.

[Marco gently tugs her close in the one-winged hug and rests his head over hers.] The animal thing was just bad timing. Remember how you've seen part of him he doesn't show, just like he's seen part of you you don't want to show? Well, all that rage that I never show, he was really having a hard time with. He and I made a secret pact on the island, and that was the only thing keeping either of us from exploding, I think. We were extra in tune with the phoenix thing, and all the sense of life from the island. And... I asked him if he thought you were trying to tame him before. Because the island, we felt like it was trying to tame us. Force us to be something against our will.

That's not your fault. [Gently squeezes her shoulder.] Just terrible timing all around, and a shitty situation, eh?

*Selphie hangs her head a little lower and nods slightly - she knows all about his Cosmos, he'd explained that all to her some time ago. Perhaps, though, the more comfortable she got with Ikki, the more comfortable she got with the idea of the Cosmos, and she just didn't think about it anymore. Now, though, it was clearly something to keep in mind. She flinches slightly when Marco talks about Ikki's love in the present tense, as though it was still there, still something that was true. It was something that Selphie was certain wasn't the case, certainly not any more*

I never wanted to tame Ikki. I know I got a little scared that day on the boat with him, when I saw what he was really capable of. But - he was so stubborn about it. He kept telling me that I wasn't his to tame, that I couldn't do that. Whenever I told him that I wasn't trying to, that I didn't want to, he never believed me. Sometimes... I think that Ikki really never wanted anything to do with me in the first place. So maybe it was better for him to insist that I didn't care, or that I wasn't trying, or that I was disgusted by him. None of that was true.

*Selphie sighs heavily, her shoulders rising and sinking as she lets go of the breath she was holding*

Terrible timing all round, and a shitty situation. Maybe the best thing I can do is just admit that that's what it is. If Ikki will ever talk to me again, then I can apologise. But for now, looks like I just have to accept that I need to stay out of his way and...that's that.

Aye... I think that might be for the best, eh? If nothing else, I don't want to see either of you hurt anymore.

I don't think he was worried about you taming him as other forces combined, but remember what I said before too? He is who he is, and that doesn't need fixing.

I'll talk to Ace and Thatch, but I won't tell them why, just that it'd be better for you and Ikki to have space right now, eh?

*Selphie cuddles up to Marco again, doing her best not to sigh, because she feels she might do this too often, lately*

I know he is who he is. I l - I like who he is. I guess he's just better when he's not around me. I never wanted to "fix" him, I just want that to be understood.

*She looks up at Marco suddenly at this suggestion and shakes her head*

Please don't. Like I said before... I'd rather no one else got dragged into this. I'll let you know, maybe, if things get a way where I think they should be told. Is that okay?

[He shakes his head.] I have to kiddo. But it'll be all right. We had to shuffle division members tons of times. That's why we had sixteen of us.

[He ruffles her head and leans back with a sigh of his own.] Aye. I wish he understood you better too, but at least you've got the rest of us.

Okay...if you're sure. But - they won't be mad at me, will they? They wouldn't think... I just don't want them to think badly of me, is all.

*She tries a smile at that ruffle, and does her best to seem more relaxed*

Yeah, I do. And I'm so grateful, especially of you.

[Wry grin.] They won't. Why would they? [Ruffles more.]

I don't know... It just means a lot to me that they don't think badly after all of this...

*She does look sheepish, embarrassed as she is of how stupid she's been, but seems to perk up at the ruffling*

It'll be fine kiddo, trust me.

*She gives a small smile and snuggles into Marco*

If you say so.

...Thanks, for looking after me so well.

My pleasure, Sunshine. If I can do anything else to help, let me know, eh?

And you, me. I might be kinda useless sometimes, but I'll try my best.

Eh, no one on this ship is useless. Otherwise I'd kick them off.

Then I best do my best to stay useful!

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