piratejournal | [Voice & Written]

Jealous? I don't think so. Just in awe of my amazing personality.

[A little sarcasm goes a long way sometimes.]

He was best friends with Tohru's brother. His attitude was about as good as mine is. Only, he was horrible with timing. He was kind of dumb too, and I could talk circles around him.

I'm not going to lie, I rather enjoyed that.

He was a weird, creepy guy, and he was Tohru's friend also because, well it's Tohru. After Shimizu died he came in and he was talking about how she died and wasn't it tragic, how young she was and about all the potential lost. Only he wasn't saying it to be sad about it, he was grinning like it was funny.

I told him that death is pretty much tragic all the time. It's the same. Her age really has nothing to do with it. He calls me cold, after what he just said? Hmph. Tohru scolded me for teasing him, but I didn't really care then. I had my own problems at the time.

After Tohru died and we went to the funeral, he stayed with us during the wake. It was me and his siblings and Masao. He's sitting there, blubbering away and it's like a switch. He snaps up and comes at me screaming how cold and unfeeling I am because I'm not sitting there crying. Really, a true idiot.

He pulls me to my feet, grabbing at my clothes. He's literally picking a fight with me. Aoi shouts to stop it and Masao blames me. I told him he was an idiot and I was not going to fight him at my best friend's wake. Did he really think that coming and crying at the funeral meant anything? It seemed more like he was looking to be comforted, rather then being there to comfort the family. He was putting strain on them they didn't need. He couldn't believe it, but when he looked at Aoi and Tamotsu to see what they thought, they couldn't meet his eyes. That was the last time we saw Masao, he ran off after that.

[He's quiet for a good while, thinking it all over.]

[He's not sure what to say. The guy does sound like an idiot, but he knows he's only getting one side of the story.]

[And it sounds like there was a different set of standards for what is expected behavior or something. As it is, Marco's never been great with such things, and add in the whole "piracy" thing, add in again the phoenix thing, and it makes it a whole different story.]

I lucked out... actually.

[He keeps quietly taking notes.] After Pops and Ace died, there was a lot to do. We lost them in a war, so it wasn't exactly easy to bring their bodies back either. The marines wanted them as trophies.

But a... friend.... helped.

[He pauses in writing and looks up at Natsuno, scritching the quill to the back of his neck.] Actually it was that other pirate emperor I mentioned before. Red-Haired Shanks. The one that was so impressed with Ace, he came to yell at Pops and risked a war that could have destroyed the world.

He risked it again with the marines. Asked them for the bodies, stopped the war, and helped make the memorial for me so I could focus on fixing the family.

Everyone was all messed up, eh?

[Distant eyes.] Namur was... Ahhh at least he's alive. But Jozu lost his arm to a marine that's in this world now. [Marco will seriously shred his face if he comes anywhere near the crew however.] Atomos and Blenheim were really fucked up. And even Fossa was crying and he's like... an even more gruff version of Logan and Chef Zeff, eh? [His eyes go downcast again, scribbling away.]

Everyone had to be in bandages with their formal wear. [Marco taps the tip of his head with the quill in gesture.] So I donned a bandage too.

Solidarity in those times is tough, eh? [He frowns. He's talking big about standing as a united front and yet...] I suppose Masao was a bit clueless. First one, when the girl died, it sounds like he was echoing things the other villagers said and couldn't get the context. Second time it sounds like he was expecting a certain response. But everyone handles things in their own way.

[He leans his head against the wooden wall, thinking quietly for a bit.] What do you think it means to be nakama here?

It isn't that crying is a bad thing, it's just...to be an outsider and as much as I loved them like a family, I too am an outsider to the family..to go and expect anything out of them is inappropriate. No one had a problem with Masao being there and paying his respects. Until he made a nuisance of himself he was perfectly fine, even if he didn't get the responses he wanted.

[He swallows.]

I didn't cry because it didn't seem real and part of me thought he would come back. Of course, I didn't say anything like that, because that's not the kind of thing you say to his family.

[There are a lot of social rules where Natsuno comes from. It could be hard to navigate for someone like Marco.]

To be nakama? Honestly, it's something I'm still trying to figure out. I don't really have a frame of reference. I've never been trapped in a place with so many people before. I don't mean trapped in a bad way, it's just that at sea there's only so far you can go. I've always been the kind of person who likes to be alone.

That said, if I didn't feel something towards the group, I wouldn't have gotten a tattoo. [He touches his chest.]

Aye. [He signals Natsuno to step closer so he can ruffle his head.] I spent the first few months here thinking Ace and Thatch being alive was all just some fever dream I made in my head. [A weak grin and Marco leans back again.]

Legends have it that phoenixes are pretty solitary creatures. If Ikki's a good frame of reference, that seems pretty true.

It took me... decades to reach even this point, and if I'm not careful, I'll spend months without talking to the crew.

But I'll admit, eh? It's like everything is black and white and shades of grey when I'm alone. It's all filtered. Easier. It just is.

But with the crew around, it's like all the colors come back stronger than ever.

When Thatch died, I dyed my hair black and I'd barely say two words to anyone. [He shakes his head.] I couldn't cry.

Thatch was the first one to teach me how to really talk to people. To trust them with emotions.

It seems silly now, but at the time, I thought if I cried about it then it would be like saying I didn't need him anymore.

We sent Ace to hunt down Blackbeard. [It's a lie, but it's the lie Marco will insist on every damn day till he dies, no matter how much Ace tells the truth of it.] And I stayed to watch my Pops. But for a little while, even though I had people around me, it was like I wanted everything to go back to black.

I guess that's the nicest thing about being a pirate though, eh. No one can you how to react or feel. And even if they try, you can just kick them in the face.

[Natsuno is not sure why he is letting Marco ruffle his hair. It's strange, and it isn't like people treat him like that usually.]

Ikki and I get along pretty well. That's probably why. I don't want more of his attention then he wants to give me, I suppose.

[He's quiet, thinking.]

People just deal with things differently, I guess. I don't think I'm dealing with things particularly well, but I'm also not sure how to change it.

I like being here though, with everyone. For what that's worth.

[He's a mess and he knows he is.]

[Grins.] That's a good first few steps, eh.

I'd rather have a loyal headcase than a competent guy who didn't give a damn about the crew.

[Don't worry Natsuno, it's how Whitebeards show affection. Although most of them go with noogies, but if Marco noogied people they'd die.]

Maybe I just need to slow down a bit.

[He lets out a weak little laugh.]

Yeah, but I'm an easily overpowered headcase.

Nonsense. [Laughs right back.] You're a cute one!

And if there's anything I hope you've gotten from my stories today, it's that that's how we got Ace in the first place.

[How do you even argue with logic like that?]

[He nods a bit.]

Yeah. I like Ace a lot actually. I don't mind following him. If he wasn't a good guy I'd have a problem with that. I would have just left.

It's not just him though, I think...well I like almost everyone even if I don't really know what to do about that. I didn't want Aya to leave.

[Nods softly.]

[And his hand covers in blue flames, completely encompassing the quill though it doesn't burn, even where it touches the paper.]

Ace is very good with people.

[He looks back up to catch Natsuno's eyes.] So long as anyone is determined to protect his dream for that, I'll protect them no matter what. [But don't be surprised if there's something a little off in the eerily calm way he says it either.]

I don't really know what his dreams are. I never really asked but...I'm the kind of person who wants to protect people. It's kind of funny, isn't it? Everything I thought, everything I experienced and all the people I disliked and I wanted to protect them.

If I just wanted to get revenge I could have just gone after Tatsumi and Shimizu. Why did I go after all of them?

To send a message?

No. I just felt like what they did wasn't right. It's not right to go in and kill a huge amount of people for no good reason. You could live rather comfortably in a place that size, peacefully even.

I might be wrong, but in my opinion they are and I am willing to fight. Even if I had no skills at all. Whatever it took.

I can't even explain it. It was personal, but at the same time not. Maybe if Akira and Kaori weren't with me...I don't know. It's hard to say. I could have just left.

It makes sense.

[He feels the same way, really. Kairi's just too damn young for the marines to decide to make an example of her. There's a line. Even Blackbeard hasn't crossed that line yet, and he's crossed every other there ever was!]

Revenge is for the living as much as the dead.

Thinking about it, it wound up seeming rather stupid. Although they did kill me so they were obviously worried about it. I'm the one they made an example of. Man, Tatsumi was angry when he found I came back and didn't come running to him begging for sanctuary like the rest of them.

[He considers it.]

Akira and Kaori were both younger than me. They were poking around them and I didn't think they should be alone. But no one would believe us or anyone else who expressed doubts. Even Ozaki-sensei just gave me a strange look when I asked him. It wasn't until after I died that he told me he came around. Then we had an adult involved at least.

He says I saved Akira and Kaori. I'm glad for that, really. It's not as strange to hear about my future as you might think. It's only a couple of days. To know that things were accomplished and that my father is doing better...it's all I could ask for really.

If time really has stopped for me, I'll know that my time will be up in a couple of days when I go back, but...

I suppose I'm thankful for the time here in a way. At least I got to meet some people who weren't like those I knew. Broadened my horizons. That's enough.

[He gives him a soft grin.] That's exactly the right perspective, eh.

Thatch and Ace both only have this world right now, although Chandra says she'll take them traveling with her through the planes. [He's jealous about that... suddenly. He wants to go. Duty to the rest of his family in his time or not. Is it possible to split? Well hell, Chandra can summon phoenixes, why not him as well?]

Either way, you're in good company.

This place is strange and defies all logic. I suppose I can't really argue logic anymore considering everything I've seen and experienced though.

[A small laugh.] We used to hear that all the time in just my part of the ocean back home.

I'm not the kind of person who believed in anything like that. Part of that is my parent's doing, but mostly I'm a rational thinking person. Usually. A few months really just turned everything on its head.

That's the nice fucked up part of being a phoenix. [He relaxes against the wall with his arms behind his head.] Even as a logical pragmatic thinker, I'm still automatically an impossible mythical thing.

It makes me open-minded.

I suppose. I don't really know anything about phoenixes either. There are a lot of things, especially in this world that I don't understand and I don't know if I ever will.

[This is good. At this point he's feeling a lot more on an even keel. Marco's idea was brilliant. He might be able to suffer through the rest of their time at the island and hopefully, never return.]

Sometimes understanding is overrated, eh.

Yeah.

[He's quiet for a few moments, gathering his thoughts mostly. He was supposed to be telling Marco stories from his home, so he tries to come up with another that's really not as depressing.]

I'm not sure I have any more good stories. Most of my stories are pretty, well, you know. [He waves his hand.]

[A random thought occurs to him, one of the conversations of note he had with Riku comes to mind.]

What do you call the language you're speaking, Marco?

Right now?

Yeah, right now.

[He sits up a bit, looking at him curiously.]

Riku and I talked about this once and it was really interesting. I really should ask more people.

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