piratejournal | [Written]

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[Written]

[It's late at night when the journal entry appears.]

Evening.

I suppose I am writing in this thing because I can't sleep. I haven't really figured out what to do about that. Any suggestions would be helpful.

[There's a pause, before he adds more.]

Is anyone else up at this hour? What are you doing with your time?

[Another pause, longer than the last.]

If anyone would like to talk right now, that would be fine.

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[That gets a giggle--also a bit of slurping as her current cup of tea is finished off. Codi starts traveling to make more.]

Really? That's not what you said five minutes ago, honey. I believe your exact words were--

[Pause as she flips the page over to read his response.]

--"I feel guilty for pushing his memory aside." That sounds like something to think about, doesn't it?

Not really. It isn't about how I feel about Tohru so much as it feels wrong to try and go forward. It's survivor's guilt and nothing more. Although 'survivor' isn't really the word that applies here.

Exactly what I meant--just because the problem sounds simple doesn't mean it's so easy to get over.

[There's the faint sound of burbling water--Codi's pouring more into the kettle to boil]

No matter how many times you tell yourself that you understand what's going on, you won't sleep any better for it.

Feelings don't work on logic, unfortunately. It hasn't been a long time since everything happened.

I know--that's why we're talking through them, right?

[Some moments after she stops talking, a slight rattling comes in over the journal--the kettle heating up. This isn't so unusual if you don't take into account the fact that the pot is sitting on Codi's palm with no open flame in sight...but Natsuno doesn't know that.]

You're certainly not going to make things better by just bottling up what you feel. It's good that you're willing to talk about it.

I'm not sure talking about it makes anything better. At the moment it doesn't feel that way.

[He just sighs heavily.]

It hasn't been a good year or so.

Of course it doesn't now--if it was an instant fix, you could have solved all of your problems months ago. Poof! Done.

[The water heats quickly; moments later the kettle's rattling stops as Codi takes it off her hand.]

I don't think it's been a very good year for any of us here--the kidnapping doesn't help, I'm sure.

Yes, well, the method I chose to do so was met with some protest.

[He sighs and rolls his eyes a little at himself mostly.]

No, actually that part is fine. It doesn't bother me to be here.

Then you have a lot of people at an advantage! [Shuffling through cabinets...Codi's voice becomes slightly more distant as she abandons her open journal on the counter during her search for bags of tea.] What else have you tried?

Originally I was just going to kill myself. Although in this place that is a moot point.

[He sounds thoughtful.]

Most of my crew seems pretty content here. I don't mean they don't want to go home, well some of them don't but...they seem happy enough.

[Hold on Natsuno, just going to sputter on that tea again. He has a really bad habit of doing that to people!]

--Well, yes! Christ! [This has gotten very awkward very quickly! Even more awkward than it was before!] I mean, I'm glad that it's a bit...better...here... [What are the words coming out of her mouth right now] ...not that it would have helped things back home, either, but...

[Screw it. Codi loudly sets down her cup of tea.]

You know what--maybe they're right.

What are they right about?

[If only he got some pleasure out of doing that to people, he was so good at it.]

The only difference at home was that I was going to take Tatsumi with me when I went. I suppose out of context this makes little sense to you. Like I said, Tohru died...almost everyone died. Even me. Unfortunately I was blessed enough to come back to life as a vampire.

[He definitely sounds more disgusted then anything.]

Maybe they're right to be content here, I mean.

[Yes, she is taking into consideration that Natsuno just admitted to being a vampire. And she's...trying to parse that. One thing at a time.]

If things are so bad at home, why don't you try to enjoy the time you have away from it? Take advantage of the break!

It isn't exactly a fun time hanging around here sometimes. Sometimes it's okay.

[He sighs.]

It's just complicated.

Honey, it's all complicated. [His life especially. Goodness.] But the longer you stay up and worry about it, the more complicated you're going to make it for yourself. You know what I mean? Don't think so much.

Unfortunately that's not really my personality type, but thinking is getting me nowhere all the same.

[Codi audibly sighs, muffled slightly by her newest cup of tea brought to her lips. After some silence, there's a chuckle.]

Alright then. What do you do in your spare time?

Currently? I've been practicing with my sword. I'm trying to learn to defend myself.

Great! Is there anyone else on the ship to spar with?

There are, and we do spar on occasion, but it's been awhile. Mostly I go through drills.

You should go talk to them. Or, if they're really grumpy at this time of night, set up a dummy and practice on that. If you can't stop yourself from thinking, think about something else.

I'll give that some consideration, thank you.

Hey, no problem!

[Yes, Codi--your tactic to insist that they talk about the problem, only to end with, "this is too complicated, think about something else," was clearly a stroke of genius. Good job.]

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