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so ive come a conclusion
seems like halloween and christmas got a whiff of the ol weird magic circumstances
who wants to wager some sort of valentines monster comes out of the woodwork
eats a village or something
i mean it sounds better than the alternative
which is everyone being dead single for valentines day
seriously what are the chances you guys are hitting anything atm
me im cripplingly lonely for valentines day
i mean for three years running i wasnt exactly single
but whats the point when you date aliens who dont follow usa standards of holidays
even trying to explain holidays like that fly right past the heads of strange ass extra terrestrials
hot as they may be
anyway i was goin somewhere with this
basically im advertisin my captains strange little valentines mixer
all you lonely losers not gettin any should totally hit this up
if youre gonna be alone for vday
might as well be alone with a bunch of other repressed douches
get my drift
alright
malfoy out

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I had read, briefly, about this strange holiday back home. Another invention of a modern era, I suppose. It is true, yes, that on this day the men are meant to give chocolate out to the women in their lives, intimate or otherwise?

yeah
its kind of this whole gift exchange thing
you prove your love by forkin out green for some candy
or jewelry
if you dont then youre a heartless douche
and idk your significant other cries or something

-Prepare for a long, whistful sigh.- It sounds rather nice, in spite of your odd description. I wish my prince were here to enjoy it with me...

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Is this what passes for proper grammatical structure, where you're from?

What a shining advertisement you give. Surely it will attract many.

[This is audio because text cannot convey the sarcasm in his words right.]

Edited 2014-02-09 20:56 (UTC)

what i gotta ask for real is
how does the god of mischief court babes
do you turn into one of the hyenas from lion king
raise the swagger levels up with celebrity status
or do you just do that thing where you shake your hair a little bit
and tilt your head and go
im loki
and their underwear just disappears like marty mcfly when he was too late

[She wants to know the answer to this.]

THIS IS NOT THAT SORT OF EVENT YOU DIMWIT! DON'T INCLUDE US IN YOUR LONELY LITTLE ADVERTS!

[Don't make her hug you, Dave Malfoy.]

dude even if you dont advertise it that way
if you get enough of a crowd
theres gonna be some fleshstick tangoin
like all over the place
i mean any successful party turns out like that right
a little body toboggan
flyin down ass mountain
are you gettin my beautifully written metaphors

[Metaphors...metaphors. These metaphors are crude and a slap in the face to proper English! Plus she had no clue what he was really saying.]

No, I'm not!

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As charming as your sometimes terrifying captain can be, I hate wearing red.

[No really, that's his reason.]

sup robin
its cool
the whole red thing is kinda lame anyway
red looks good on me but eh
not everyone can rock such a masculine color i guess

Marco. Robin is the ~~red-breasted~~ Straw Hat archaeologist.

Red isn't masculine at all, mate. Red is the color of Shanks, blood, and clay.

Give me blue for sky and sea any day.

[Or purple because Marco is obsessed with colors.]

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You're having a Valentine's Party?

[ She wants to go. She likes events like that. Festivals, parties, fun times. ]

I wouldn't be going to try to find a date or anything, but if the Shepherd is still around I might show up.

dude you dont gotta worry about dates
pretty sure just about everyone in this shitty pirate universe is single
like its a universal law that there is nothing at all seductive or attractive
about barely being able to bathe properly on a daily basis
because our living arrangements make bathing a 4 hour ritual

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[Not touching the rest of that, but:]

Malfoy?

yeah
dj draco
mc malfoy
at your service

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Cheer up! Look at it this way, that's one less gift you have to buy this month.

dude like i had to buy anything for three years
thats the benefit of bein an alien
your holidays dont matter to them

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Since I didn't actually have a clue what Valentines is, I'm not really bothered, but I guess if the other crewmates want to go, I'll take them.

Don't let being single get you down Sometimes it's probably the good idea.

Edited 2014-02-10 07:22 (UTC)

im gonna ignore the fact that you said something completely ridiculous
no i cant
dude valentines day is like
us show off your relationship based loot day
if youre single its just
feel the pain swell up in your blood pumper all dayathon

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think the valentine monster would be worse than being single
but hey
not like i can talk since i'm hitting on all the girls.
you know it would be awful though
pastel pink and red with hearts all over it
people would be like
god don't let me get eaten by something so tacky.
anyway we can totally hang out at the mixer
cause i'm going.

see good
because the capn really dislikes my taste in music
maybe if she gets a whiff that the big dog likes hot rap
maybe shell turn around and let me blast that shit all day

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A Valentine's Monster? Tell me about it!

[Best news she's heard all week.]

[The hell.]

well the legends say that the valentines monster is
some bullshit i totally just made up on the spot
other legends say that its actually a legitimate monster made of paper mache and revolving teeth

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