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so ive come a conclusion
seems like halloween and christmas got a whiff of the ol weird magic circumstances
who wants to wager some sort of valentines monster comes out of the woodwork
eats a village or something
i mean it sounds better than the alternative
which is everyone being dead single for valentines day
seriously what are the chances you guys are hitting anything atm
me im cripplingly lonely for valentines day
i mean for three years running i wasnt exactly single
but whats the point when you date aliens who dont follow usa standards of holidays
even trying to explain holidays like that fly right past the heads of strange ass extra terrestrials
hot as they may be
anyway i was goin somewhere with this
basically im advertisin my captains strange little valentines mixer
all you lonely losers not gettin any should totally hit this up
if youre gonna be alone for vday
might as well be alone with a bunch of other repressed douches
get my drift
alright
malfoy out

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I had read, briefly, about this strange holiday back home. Another invention of a modern era, I suppose. It is true, yes, that on this day the men are meant to give chocolate out to the women in their lives, intimate or otherwise?

Is this what passes for proper grammatical structure, where you're from?

What a shining advertisement you give. Surely it will attract many.

[This is audio because text cannot convey the sarcasm in his words right.]

Edited 2014-02-09 20:56 (UTC)

THIS IS NOT THAT SORT OF EVENT YOU DIMWIT! DON'T INCLUDE US IN YOUR LONELY LITTLE ADVERTS!

[Don't make her hug you, Dave Malfoy.]

yeah
its kind of this whole gift exchange thing
you prove your love by forkin out green for some candy
or jewelry
if you dont then youre a heartless douche
and idk your significant other cries or something

dude even if you dont advertise it that way
if you get enough of a crowd
theres gonna be some fleshstick tangoin
like all over the place
i mean any successful party turns out like that right
a little body toboggan
flyin down ass mountain
are you gettin my beautifully written metaphors

what i gotta ask for real is
how does the god of mischief court babes
do you turn into one of the hyenas from lion king
raise the swagger levels up with celebrity status
or do you just do that thing where you shake your hair a little bit
and tilt your head and go
im loki
and their underwear just disappears like marty mcfly when he was too late

As charming as your sometimes terrifying captain can be, I hate wearing red.

[No really, that's his reason.]

sup robin
its cool
the whole red thing is kinda lame anyway
red looks good on me but eh
not everyone can rock such a masculine color i guess

Marco. Robin is the ~~red-breasted~~ Straw Hat archaeologist.

Red isn't masculine at all, mate. Red is the color of Shanks, blood, and clay.

Give me blue for sky and sea any day.

[Or purple because Marco is obsessed with colors.]

red is like
the premier badass color
have you not seen saturday morning cartoons
the dude with red on is like
the biggest badass every time

You're having a Valentine's Party?

[ She wants to go. She likes events like that. Festivals, parties, fun times. ]

I wouldn't be going to try to find a date or anything, but if the Shepherd is still around I might show up.

Saturday what?

saturday morning cartoons
moving pictures
like theyre pictures
with sounds and shit added in
idk short movies
in what other way can i describe our futuristic entertainment

dude you dont gotta worry about dates
pretty sure just about everyone in this shitty pirate universe is single
like its a universal law that there is nothing at all seductive or attractive
about barely being able to bathe properly on a daily basis
because our living arrangements make bathing a 4 hour ritual

[Not touching the rest of that, but:]

Malfoy?

I don't want to think about that.

[ She is definitely going to find a way to bathe and clean her clothes somehow before then though... Even if he said it's not necessary and it'll take an an entire day, Weiss Schnee will find a way. ]

Anyway, what were you talking about dating aliens for? That seems like something that would get more than a little awkward.

yeah
dj draco
mc malfoy
at your service

dude dating anybody can be awkward
dating aliens is more along the lines of
confusing
life threatening
a little hot
but roughly all of its just confusing

We have a Draco Malfoy on board. You're another one of him?

Stop.

Save what little of chance you have left of convincing me your world and era isn't completely insane and I never want to see it.

More to the point, I reiterate my previous statement that red is for Shanks. And if you knew him, you wouldn't wish to emulate him either.

-Prepare for a long, whistful sigh.- It sounds rather nice, in spite of your odd description. I wish my prince were here to enjoy it with me...

Cheer up! Look at it this way, that's one less gift you have to buy this month.

Since I didn't actually have a clue what Valentines is, I'm not really bothered, but I guess if the other crewmates want to go, I'll take them.

Don't let being single get you down Sometimes it's probably the good idea.

Edited 2014-02-10 07:22 (UTC)

[Metaphors...metaphors. These metaphors are crude and a slap in the face to proper English! Plus she had no clue what he was really saying.]

No, I'm not!

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