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This has been... really overdue, but it's time I finally spoke up.

Regarding the statements I made while under the control of the witch... I am incredibly sorry and regret all of them. I'm sure many of you know that, were I in my right mind, I would never have made such claims. However, as the Captain of the Shepherd, I'm still completely responsible for them.

So, to everyone I threatened, to the other crews I made an enemy of when... not myself, I humbly ask your forgiveness. What was said in the past is in the past... the mission I believe in for my crew is one where we can all sail the seas as friends in safety and harmony.

As for the crew of the Shepherd...

... I owe you the biggest apology of all. I failed you. I attacked you. And even if it wasn't me, I, again, bear the responsibility of what I did. I want to do everything I can to make you all trust me again...

[from here on, Mana's voice begins to crack]

... but at the same time, I don't think I can serve you all to the best of my abilities. I... I and the people closest to me have a lot to work through, a lot to work out, and I... I just need to step away from my duties for a little while and concentrate on them...

I am deeply, deeply sorry. In this time, I'd like to put Jade Curtiss in temporary command once again, until the time I am able to return to my duties...

[she lets out a final, weary sigh. This was something she'd wrote out, and rewrote several times, and this time, she'd done it without asking Rikka for help. The fact a fourteen year old put this together and spoke this way may be somewhat shocking to people...]

That's all. Th-thank you all for your time...

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Bullshit.

[The single word cuts through the air, and through the tension Mana's words should be bringing. Rikka can feel that much, even when they're not in the same room. And she's not being pleasant anymore.]

You're right, you didn't save us. I didn't save us. Alice didn't save us. You don't see me apologizing for that. I'm fine that you didn't have anything to say when I put my feelings out to dry, or when I couldn't keep going. Mana, I know this is hypocritical of me after the last three weeks, but you need to stop being a damn martyr and get a hold of yourself!

[She's almost growling by now, and on some level, she's afraid. Because this is the first time she's been genuinely angry at Mana in recent memory.]

Don't you think I feel terrible that we had to be saved? Especially when I was so confident in myself going into that place? But I won't apologize for that. We're not built for that kind of thing, and maybe we never will be. I can take losing to something like that. But I didn't go through all that for you to feel inadequate at the end of the day. We all screwed up. We're still here, so we can work harder, and be smarter, and not screw up the next time.

Don't do this. I know you feel like you didn't do your job. I know you want to fix this and you don't really know how. I don't either. But it's not going to happen if we can't look forward, instead of behind us. Okay? [The last word is almost a plea.]

[Rikka doesn't get a reply for at least two minutes. What she does get is the sound of something crashing as Mana stumbles on the other end of the journal, followed by a thud... which, fifteen seconds later is followed by the sound of crying... and then, finally, at the end, Mana herself speaking up]

R-Rikka...

...

Thank you... I...

... I was stunned to hear that, but I...

...

I really need you right now... I know I needed to hear it, but I... I need...

Edited 2014-02-03 06:23 (UTC)

[The sound is more than enough for Rikka to figure out what's going on, and her temper cools almost instantly. She'd been harsh, but... that was what it took to get through to Mana, when she was like this. She knew that. Losing her composure like this, though, was unusual even for Mana. She knew that, too. So her next course of action was... actually pretty simple.]

I'm coming. Stay where you are. I'll be there soon, okay?

[She snaps the journal shut, closing the connection and letting out a big sigh, worry evident in her tone.]

I probably went a little overboard, but... she needed it. If I let her keep going like that, she'd just sulk for days. And I don't want that. I want my kind, headstrong Mana back. I...

I'm sorry you had to hear that, Alice. [Well. That's... terrifyingly convenient.] We need to go to her, before she does something rash. Are you okay to move?

[Alice frowns. For just the slightest moment there, Rikka had caused some worry in her, but... She then also remembers she had just been on the receiving end of all that. A bit differently, perhaps, but... All the same. She would not be feeling anywhere near what she was had Rikka not been blunt with her. It was what she needed to hear then, and this too is likely what Mana needs to hear.

She she just smiles gently, and pushes herself up with her good arm and a visible wince.]

She still was that kind, headstrong person when we were trapped... I suspect she must have held these sort of feelings back, then...

[For Alice's own sake, she realizes. That understanding twists her stomach a bit, but she's becoming strangely accustomed to that.]

It does not matter how okay I am for it or not, because I think the same would apply if you were in my position, yes? But... I can. I have to.

Because she didn't want you to worry. Didn't want me to worry. Because that's just how she is... dammit. Bottling things up is my thing, not hers. I'm starting to regret not sitting her down as soon as I could move again. [She reaches for Alice's hand once she's pushed herself mostly to her feet.] Come on, we've got some fixing to do, and it's going to take both of us and a little bit of luck.

[In the meantime, her mind whirls. Where could Mana be? There weren't that many options. With the way the sound echoed, she was in a room somewhere, probably one of the cabins. She wouldn't stay in her room and mope when she was like this, and she had no reason to be in Rikka's own room right now, not when she couldn't be sure she was there. She wasn't in Alice's room, considering that's where they were... Alice's room.]

...She's too soft. I think I know where she is. Ready?

[Alice wasn't going to ask for the help as Rikka took her hand, but she very gratefully took it, squeezing it gently in the process. She nods, and tries to cycle her own thoughts of where it is Rikka could mean.

Given limited options, it doesn't take a lot of thinking to narrow down to very similar options.

She gives a nod.]

Of course. She wouldn't want either of us to... [And Alice had been so caught up in her own worry she didn't notice. That feeling frustrates her, and makes her feel just a bit self centered. But no sense dwelling on it, it'd just have to be fixed. That's all they could do.]

Yes, let's go.

Edited 2014-02-03 15:51 (UTC)

She's going to give herself gray hair before she's thirty. I don't even think she'd mind. [Squeezing the hand she's holding onto to try and reassure Alice as much as she could, she pops the door open, leading the way toward the shattered mess of a room Alice had been temporarily moved from. She made a point of avoiding anyone on the deck - it was still cold enough that very few people would willingly be out here, but she didn't want to take that chance. Time was of the essence, and she didn't want to lose her momentum until she got her work done.

Except... when they made it to the room that had been Alice's a month ago, there's no shattered wood outside. The door is still in pieces, but it's sitting in a neat pile. What she can see from the door is a room that, while still not fixed, is quite a bit more livable. Which means Rikka had been right, and she scowls.] She can't even sulk unless she's doing something... it's typical of her, but it still makes me mad for some reason...

[Stopping at the doorway, raising her voice, Rikka calls her ultimatum.] Aida Mana, I know you're in here. [It's fairly gentle, but there's enough force to communicate that she won't be ignored, and she won't be sent away. They would talk, or Rikka would exploit their relationship however she had to until it happened.]

...Please come in...

[the reply is tired... weary sounding. Like someone whose physical and emotional energy is spent.

When the other girls do come in, they'd find Mana sitting up against a wall, rings around her eyes and... well, she just looks very tired. Like so tired it's a good thing Rikka did this when she did.

Mana isn't just sitting there, though... she's threading something. It looks like... a set of familiar-looking beads?]

[Given how she'd looked for several days, Alice shouldn't have been surprised at the state Mana's in. After all, she had been through just about as much. Perhaps more in some cases, having taken care of Alice in the fortress, and having been the last of them still standing when all was said and done.

But she is, and feels all the more terrible about having been worrying so much about her own state in the matter. Of course, she also realizes she wouldn't have been much good to them, otherwise.

The ... state of her room is also a surprise. She had not even anticipated returning to it, at least not anytime soon, but all that already had been done, and realizing it had been Mana doing it (something that, again, should not have surprised her) was enough to blur her vision briefly. Even with everything she was dealing with, Mana was still just focusing on doing for someone else. Her, in this case.

Then there was the beads.

She pushes that sensation of feeling progressively more and more like a heel down, gives a look to Rikka, and takes a tentative step in. She doesn't want to say much at first... She trusts Rikka's head in this situation more than her own. Rikka got through to her, and she knows and understands the very things that Mana is going through. And that Alice is still going through. She wants to give Rikka that chance first, but does give a gentle smile in greeting...]

Mana.

[...as well as a slight hope the lack of something on her name catches the pink Cure's attention.]

[She's not sure what to do. Mana looks like she's a mess, but... how did she get through? This... no. She's going about this backwards. Damn the consequences. Mana came first. She had to come first. And that's what brings her to step past Alice after a moment, taking a place next to her for now.]

I was worried, Mana. You're pushing yourself too hard. Don't you think it's time for a break? None of us want to see you run yourself into the ground. Least of all Alice and I.

[She reaches out a hand tentatively, but she catches herself, pulling it back for a moment.]

I need you, Mana. Don't do this.

Edited 2014-02-03 21:31 (UTC)

[what Alice says causes Mana to look up with a start. Even as Rikka talks, she finds herself staring at the other girl, trying to process what she just heard...

... and... it causes her to smile. Legitimately. For the first time in days]

Alice... Rikka...

[she looks down, a silly look on her tired face. She continues threading the beads... she's working on the section focusing on the others, as she just put on the red bead symbolizing Ace]

You're exactly right... I have been pushing myself too hard. Would you two like to sit with me? There's... something I don't think I can do on my own...

[as she put the spade-shaped bead on the string, she held up the unfinished bracelet and showed them her open palm... the heart, clover, and diamond beads are there]

[Alice blinks a bit, and gives a look to Rikka. She then gives a small breath and moves over, gently moving to try and sit beside her, though cringing a bit as she attempts to keep her injured arm still while also maintaining her balance. Still, she's knelt down beside her soon enough.]

There's a lot that I do not believe any of us can do on our own, especially now... Or that we should be trying to do on our own, because we do not have to any longer...

[She reaches to her broken arm, and smiles sadly.]

I do not believe I can sew very well with one hand, however...

[Maybe she should have let Alice take the lead. She seemed to be doing well enough so far... but then, she had an advantage Rikka hadn't... hold on a second, this isn't a competition. Where did that thought come from...? Oh, well, it's not important.

Seeing the charms in Mana's hand makes her remember her own bracelet; she's been trying hard to keep it clean and safe, and her hand goes to it again to make sure it's still there. She breathes a brief sigh of relief when she notices it is, not that she doesn't recognize its weight on her wrist, and she smiles down at Mana as she walks closer.]

Yes, I'd like that. And however I can help, I want to.

[Mana chuckled a little]

Don't worry, Alice. You just need to slide it onto the thread... I'll hold it steady...

[she laughed again, before sighing]

... I just thought... it'd be better if I made the replacement for the one I lost with both your help... in a way it's like... reminding me of the love that's there...

[Alice gives a little sigh. Of course. That sounded like a very Mana sort of thing. It shouldn't - really, it didn't - surprise her. She frowns just a bit briefly towards what she says at the end.]

...as I said when we were trapped, I know you do not need the reminder to know that... do you...?

[She wouldn't think as such, but given the way Mana had now been acting... Her eyes shift over to Rikka briefly, as if almost wanting to will something to happen. Hearing such an outburst between the both of them was extremely foreign to her. The air in there did not feel what she would call "cleared," and in that moment, her mind feels more clear and focused than it had in a month.

Gently, she reached out and picks up not the clover gem, but the diamond. It's as if a quiet notice that she wasn't just simply adding herself in there, or even thinking of herself. It's her adding what represented Rikka onto Mana's bracelet. Somehow, that seems fitting in this moment

She then smiles warmly.]

Mana... I told you a lot of things when we were trapped. About how I felt regarding all that had happened, about my worries... My fears and my anger... I've told Rikka many of those things now, as well... And she told me just as much.

[Her eyes shift back towards Rikka.] But it feels as if there's still more things which need to be said. [She looks back to Mana.] I do not want anything to be left or held back, Mana... I- I think it's important we all can be honest with each other in our thoughts, don't you agree?

[Well. That put her on the spot... not that she hadn't been expecting that. With a brief glance back to Alice that she tried not to make accusing, she sighs, smiling slightly, and with a whisper to herself.] Right. No secrets.

Mana. It's been a long time coming, but... I think there are a few things I need to get off my chest. Because you are too important to me to just let things stay as they are. I've had some time to think about things over the last week, and the week before that, when the two of you were... elsewhere. You don't have to listen, if you really don't want to, but... I'd appreciate it.

[She takes a deep breath, and wills herself to calm down. For some reason, this conversation had been easier to have with Alice... but there was no escaping it. Whatever happened, this... she had to do this. She was okay if Mana didn't talk to her for a little while afterward. They would still be friends, or more, forever... right?]

That love of yours, that you need to remind yourself of... I know it's still there. Because I depend on it, now. I've felt this way since before we came here, but I don't think I'd know what to do if I didn't have you anymore. You are the most important person in the world to me. And it's hard for me to watch you like this. This is... this is not the Mana I love. And I hate that. I hate that I can't do anything about it. I hate that, on some level, it's my fault because I couldn't protect you, either in the fortress, or on the ship when everything started. I hate that, with all the intelligence I'm so proud of, I'm useless when these things keep happening.

When the witch took the two of you away from me, I didn't think I'd ever see you again. I was heartbroken. I... said a few things I regret now, and if there hadn't been a few people that talked me down, I'd have just sat on my bed and never came out. I didn't think things would ever get better. I just... my life was over. Why bother?

So having the two of you back makes me realize what a fool I've been, and it's made me even more certain that I cannot lose you. I would push myself beyond my limits if that's what it took. I know I'm making some big statements now, when it's safe and there's nothing for me to prove them against, but I'll prove it, someday. I promise that much. But... I don't want to do it alone. Together, the three of us can handle anything that comes our way. I'm even more sure of that now. We just need to find our love again. We've got to put everything out in the open, so we can stop dancing around our pain and our uncertainties.

[From the corner of her eye, she sees Alice pick up the diamond charm, and it gives her courage. It makes her more sure of what she's doing, and she reaches for Mana's hand, picking up the heart charm. To mark her faith that she can feel pounding in her chest even now, stronger with every passing second as she gains momentum. Her voice gets a little stronger as she keeps going.]

I said this to Alice already, but... you don't need to prove anything to me, Mana. I love you as you are, as you've always been. I know what makes you tick, the things that make you happy, make you sad, confuse you a little, give you the strength to keep going. The things you're not sure about, that worry you, that you want but you don't want to tell us about. I know them all, even some of the things you've never told me. And I accept them all. Because you are dear to me, and I accept everything about you. I'm not perfect either. I know that, and I know you know that. You've saved me more times than I can count. And I want to be there to save you when you need it, too.

I'm sure you have doubts. After everything that's happened, all three of us do. I know I do, and Alice has shared some of the things she's worried about with me. And I think it's silly for us to just keep everything bottled up inside. Not when we're all so worried about each other. I know you have to feel like you've let us down. And I hate that. I understand that you want to protect us, to guide us. But you're just like us. You have feelings, you make mistakes, and you wonder if what you're doing is the right thing.

[Shifting, carefully moving the charm to her other hand, Rikka reaches out to Mana, putting a hand on her cheek.]

But I think you're doing just fine. Even the best leaders have to stop and think about things, sometimes. That's why they have close people, to catch them, to reassure them. I know it's been hard, these last few weeks. But please... let us in. Let me in. [She can feel tears in her eyes, again, but she's not going to deal with that now. It's not important.] I want to help, so much that it hurts. And I don't know what else to do. All I know how to do is talk, and you're better at that than I am, when it comes to things like this. But I've had the best teacher... I want to try, if there's a chance it'll help at all. I owe you that much, after all this time.

[Alice flashes Rikka an apologetic look before she starts, and largely just sits to listen. She had heard much of it already, of course. Hearing it applied to Mana, though, Rikka just pouring out every thought and emotion towards her... Much like Rikka, she finds those tears welling up again. She doesn't fight them, and as Rikka finishes she lets out a long, relieved breath.]

The Aida Mana I love, the one who has inspired me, that I admired and looked up to, the one whose words allowed me to change how I lived my life... That is the Mana I want to see. The Mana I know is still there. When I was trying to hide my feelings after I arrived here, you told me then that you wanted to see me smile for real...

[She smiles, surprising herself with just how honest and warm she finds it.] I want to see that. I know you might have to work through some things before you can, but I want you to do that. We cannot be afraid of saying what we all feel. I spent too long doing that, myself.

I have felt many terrible, horrible things these last few weeks, but... I am still here because we all have something greater. You showed me that when we were trapped. Rikka has shown me that here. Let us show you that now, Mana. Please. It means so much to me you were here, trying to fix this room for me... But you need rest, as well. You need to be taken care of too.

Edited 2014-02-04 20:08 (UTC)

[Mana listened to what they both had to say... she kept entirely silent, nodding and paying attention the entire time. Once Alice was finished, she closed her hand, holding the clover charm]

Before I answer both of you... I have a confession to make. Several days ago, when the both of you were talking, I... I was standing outside the room. I heard part of what you both said...

I wasn't trying to eavesdrop! I was coming to see you, and... I didn't want to interrupt, and... I guess, I was in a bad place still, and I left. But I want you to know, I'm ashamed of it. That I made a mistake. That I should have been honest with you both at the time...

[she took a deep breath, and closed her eyes]

But... I can't spend my time feeling sorry for myself. It's like what Aguri-chan told me when Regina was taken away. It's just, I've spent so much time thinking I could do everything... that I could be the person everyone needed... and in reason, I can do that. But it's not about being a superwoman, or someone who's extraordinary... it's about you all... the both of you especially...!

[she opened her eyes, revealing them to be watering]

And... I know if I have both of you... I can do anything! ... No. No. We can do anything. I forgot that... I forgot that I needed to just be myself, stop taking it on my shoulders alone, and believe in both of you...! That I had to be everyone else's strength. I forgot that you can only be that by letting them be your strength too...!

I... I thought I'd failed by not being able to make you see the witch as I did. But I'm selfish if I think I can make you both feel the way I did... that... that you'd lose yourself if you forgot about love. But maybe none of us did... maybe our love was always there, we just... forgot how we should express it... Precure don't fight with hatred, but that doesn't mean... that doesn't mean we can never feel it. And if you two are ever in danger of losing yourselves... I want you to know I'll always be there to pull you back...

... because this is twice now you've done the exact same for me...

Edited 2014-02-05 03:35 (UTC)

[For just a moment, she feels scandalized - what parts had she been there for? Thinking back, Rikka knew she'd said a lot of things about Mana, and their relationship... hmm. But at the end of the day... did it matter? They were talking now, and Mana hadn't come to whine about anything, and there weren't any weird things in what she'd said just now. Or, well, nothing beyond the weird things she'd already been half-expecting to hear.

No more secrets. That was the creed she'd promised to Alice, and that was how she'd work with Mana.]

It's okay, really. We're supposed to be girlfriends, right? I have no reason to stop you from coming to my room, or listening to see who I'm with. Curiosity, fear, uncertainty... those are human emotions. You're allowed to feel them, Mana.

But you're right - you can't do everything. Not alone. There are a lot of things you can do, but even you can only do so much before you overextend yourself. But together, nothing can stop us. We'll take care of whatever this world throws at us, whatever the Selfish throw at us, whoever else wants to get in our way... I'm confident of that. I have that confidence because I believe in both of you.

And I want to be your strength, just as much as you want to be mine, Mana. Anything I can give, I will. Whatever I can do, or say, or find, or be, I accept that mission. I didn't give my heart to someone I don't trust to do the right thing with it. Even if she missteps sometimes, or she gets lost.

[She smiles again, and it's tinged with a bit of satisfaction. She'd gotten through, and she'd managed to finally get Mana to take it easily. Hopefully.]

I am proud to have you by my side, Mana. And I'm glad you'll be watching over me. I know I can get a little crazy sometimes, especially where you and Alice are involved, and if I can repay just a little of the kindness you've shared with me over my whole life, I'll be happy.

Besides that, I do not believe there was anything spoken then I would not wish for Mana to also hear... It is the both of you who changed me, it is the both of you who I took up power to protect. It is the both of you that I love, and I want to give you both all that I am. Just as I know you will return that in kind. I would have told you the same then as I am now.

[She holds the Diamond charm between her fingers and looks at it briefly, then to Rikka, and to Mana.]

We each hold parts of all our hearts now. As I said, it is up to us to all take care of each other, now more so than ever... And I shall. Whatever it is I must do for you both, wherever we must go... I will not be afraid any longer of doing that. Because I have that faith you will both accept me for who I am, and Cyou will both pull me out of the darkness should I fall. Both of you have done that. I would be lying if I said I did not count on you to continue doing that. Be it in battle, or my own silly insecurities... Because I wish to do the same for you.

What we have chosen is not easy, be it in fighting, or in opening ourselves up to each other as we have. In truth, the former is probably much, much easier... But this is where we are. This is where I want to be. For now, in spite of all that has happened... I finally feel like just maybe we can all be happy again, if it's the three of us.

Edited 2014-02-05 15:42 (UTC)

[By now, Mana was smiling warmly as she sipped away some of the remaining tears welled up at the corners of her eyes. These two... everyone always talked about how Mana was the heart of the team, but Mana always saw it differently... This was why.

They were who she had given her heart to... They were her heart and soul...

And now... Now there was only one thing to really do, wasn't there]

Alice, Rikka... I love you both so much... Thank you, from the deepest part of my heart...

[she now held up the unthreaded end of the unfinished bracelet]

Now... what do you say we take back our heart thumping excitement...?

...

...

That was really corny wasn't it?

Edited 2014-02-06 06:58 (UTC)

[She can't help but grin at Mana.]

Very, very corny. But that's the Mana I've been waiting to see again.

[Rikka holds up the heart charm she's holding, watching it glisten in the light.]

That's the Mana I love, and the one I'm going to follow. It's good to have you back.

[Alice smiles as well, reaching out and sliding the diamond along the end Mana was holding up.]

Indeed, that too is the Mana that I expect... The one who's always inspired me, no matter what else may be happening.

[She looks back and forth between the both of them.]

To be able to see the both of you smiling again, like this... There was a time when I worried I wouldn't get to see it again. [She blinks tears out of her eyes a bit.] But to see the smiles of the two people I love the most again... That much alone makes everything seem so much brighter...

[Mana could do nothing except smile... and once Alice threaded her bead, she quickly threaded the clover. Once that was done, she held the bracelet over to Rikka]

From me to you... my sweethearts!

[there would be no apologies for corniness this time]

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