piratejournal | Week 5 (on account 'o Scurvey messin' up some numberin')

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Week 5 (on account 'o Scurvey messin' up some numberin')

Why, Scurvey! Says you You’re early!

I do what I want, says I. I’m a wild sea beast that can’t be tamed.

And now that that nonsense be out of the way, it be time fer th’ stuff o import. First off, I’d say a hearty welcome ta the fresh blood if a hearty welcome they deserved, but I hain’t so sure yet. No murders that I heard of, but a couple dozen boars runnin’ afeared. Not that I blame ‘em.
Any road, I’d get off th’ island as soon as ye can least ye want holes where yer insides used to be.

I’d also like ta thank the well wishers. The Dog is feelin’ much better. Though mostly it’s thanks, if ye can call it that, to “relocation to a secure facility”. Relocation my fat arse. But at least there’s no bedamned ragweed to clog me nose with their insidious evil.

Weather

North: Still an’ clear as an ice pond. In other words, fair freezin’ weather but it’ll be difficult to catch a wind unless ye get lucky. Watch out fer sudden frosts in th’ mornin’s leadin’ to slick decks and broken necks.

East: It be a spring day in the East for near about a week. Sunshine, strong breezes and only a few showers to mar yer view. To the So’ West, ye may be able to spot th’ great Starlet Migration. Mind ye get yer umbrellas out fer that one.

West: Hot’n’humid and only a few showers to break th’ spell. Ye’ll be wiltin’ cabbages if ye stay there too long.

South: It be hammered end ta end with squalls the likes’d make any salty dog cry. But better cryin’ then dead. Take care where ye tack in the south. Easier to go West then East. Wouldn’t bother with umbrellas.

News

If ye be wantin’ ta try the Western Current, now be th’ time. Navy’s pullin’ in like a turtle in it’s shell and whose to blame ‘em with th’ fog comin’ and all. Who knows what evil lurks in that mist. Well one does, but ye well know who. But it also be a time ‘o celebration for them, a victory well won in the north, some say. Take a listen to their libations!

[after a moment, the sound of a drum roll fills the air and a man’s voice says:]

Gunter, Jerome: Found guilty of piracy and treason of the highest order.

[the uncertain voice of a teenager]

No! Please! I was press-ganged! Please, don’t!

Man: Flogged with the cat’o’nine until dead.

[a high panicked scream which fades into the distance and another drum roll. A crowd murmurs somewhere below]

Man: Bruent, Ann; otherwise known as the Captain Annie the Black. Found guilty of piracy—

Woman: I should have known this would be how it ended! The curse of Davy Jones upon your head! On all of your heads! Annie the Black will have her vengeance! [a screeching laugh followed by the report of a pistol and then silence.

A short time after, the writing comes back]

Ah, Annie. So long and may devils fly ye home ye miscalculating whoreson.

Suppose it be time fer questions now. Shepard Crew still be banned on account of them havin’ sticks up their asses the size ‘o a mizzen mast. But I was a might bit grumpy last week so Ganadorf is in the clear. Sorry, laddie. Ye know how it goes.

[and not too much later]

Bugger me, forgot to mention there be a shard sightin' in the South East near Stone Nest. Figured ye lot could ask about that--

but I guess ye can't.

And not a man jack was surprised.

[and later again]

Gintoki be banned for two weeks fer bein' a smartass.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, for the love of Merlin and all that is magical—more of this nonsensical drivel? Didn't anyone ever teach you how to write properly?

Aye, and who be ready to jump down me throat for this moron as needs strangling.

Because a'strangling I'll be doing.

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