[private to Celestia]

[doomkitty]

 Well, I've decided to try it, this 'friendship' nonsense. Only with the goal of obtaining this powerful magic you speak of, mind you. First attempt resulted in me nearly killing my so-called friend, so the prospects aren't exactly bright. But I'll give it one last chance.

Comments

Sorry this took so long to get back to!

[letteropener]

Well, that seems an inauspicious beginning. Would you care to tell me the story?

S'ok! Life happens!

[doomkitty]

[he didn't really see the harm in telling her, especially since she seemed to think of herself as such an expert on friendship]

I guess. It started out peacefully enough...I was wounded and she brought me lunch and wine. Though I drank too much of it and that might've had an influence on how things went... We were talking and she asked some questions about my past. While telling about it, I briefly referred to some traditions of my people.

She started disapproving the traditions and after I was rather frank about how my culture would view her she got all touchy and pissy and insulting. I told her to leave, she smashed a tray on the floor, I threatened her, she kicked me off the crew, I threatened her again, then she jumped on me and it got rather physical. I came very near to killing her.

[he gave a sort of huff]

Then she up and apologized before I left as if she was desperate for me to stay. I don't get it, but whatever...I was still feeling cruddy so I stayed on the ship and with the crew.

[letteropener]

From your description, I might guess that how your culture would view her is less than flattering?

[doomkitty]

Correct. Her style and personality would be repulsive to most.

[letteropener]

Well, if I may offer some advice, telling somepony that directly is not usually considered much of a compliment or friendly overture. Do you find her to have those qualities?

[doomkitty]

Well she shouldn't have asked, then.

You mean do I find her repulsive? I did at first, but I think I may be starting to get used to her.

[letteropener]

Well, one of the first steps of friendship is empathy. I suspect you would not find an overture of friendship particularly welcome if the person making it, in the next breath, then told you how a person like you would be detested in their homeland.

[doomkitty]

I wouldn't really give a tail tick if they said that, actually. Especially if I asked them about it. It just seems like over sensitivity to me. And she wasn't shy about telling me how disfavorably she viewed my personality, despite 'liking' me for some reason.

[letteropener]

Friendship does not mean perfect accord. Friends can often find many aspects of each others' personalities frustrating or downright irritating. In fact, often such differences make a friendship stronger.

[doomkitty]

So my culture not liking her is insulting but me finding her irritating is fine? That makes no sense. And how exactly can such irritations make a friendship stronger?

[letteropener]

A person is more than their culture, and can hold more nuanced views. It is better to judge individually than as a whole, when possible -- both going and coming.

Irritations like that must be understood, accepted, and overcome for friendship to blossom. If they are, the effort and the reward increase.

[doomkitty]

Hmm...[he could understand an effort equals award approach, since it applied to most things in his life, from training to knowledge and research]

I guess that seems true. Still not sure what you're getting at with the culture judging, though.

[letteropener]

You know her. Your culture does not, at least, not as an individual. You are one individual making a judgment about another, not a group of attitudes that has a predetermined response to a collection of traits.

[doomkitty]

So shouldn't it beworseif I dislike her than if my culture dislikes her?

Well, whatever. I suppose im warming up to her gradually. And as you pointed out, the same thing won't happen with my culture.

[letteropener]

And that is why it is not worse. [Celestia smiles brightly. See, this can work!]

[doomkitty]

Hm. [she sounded happy and for some reason that both irritated him and pleased him at the same time]

Well I guess I don't need any more advisement then

[letteropener]

[Celestia often sounds happy, or at least calm and serene...]

I wish you the best of luck. Let me know how it goes.

[doomkitty]

Mhm. Bye then